iznjho's story

I met him in high school. I could not believe I had met such a mature, intelligent, nice and charming guy especially at that age. He had the same goals as I did. Graduating at the top of our class, attend college, have a career and start a wonderful family. He was absolutely perfect.

I heard he had a GF. But he said it wasn’t really a relationship as she had cheated on him many times and he was with her because she would “cut herself” if he tried leaving her. I felt bad for him and continued talking to him and a couple of weeks and they broke up. Never really knew how it ended.

I accepted to be his GF. We talked on the phone and texted all day long. He was very attentive. Drew me cute pictures and wrote me love letters. I noticed he was a little jealous as he hinted he didn’t want me talking to guys so I respected him and stopped. He wanted to be with me at all times. And for this reason I became distant of my family and friends. He would always tell me how much he loved me and was his soul mate. And he wanted to marry me so I agreed.

My wonderful boyfriend changed into a complete monster about 8months later. Broke up with me for any reason, made me cry at all times. If he was upset I would get yelled at and shoved out of his car. Always threw in my face I was lucky to be with him. By this time I was so attached to him I could not leave him. I was a horrible GF who made him act this way. Also if I did try to leave him he’d cry and promise to change. I fell for it every time.

I was always trying to do everything I could to make him happy. I would attend all his basketball games. Spent every day after school with him at his house watching TV as I rubbed his back. I’d help him do his chores and help his mom cook dinner and learned how to make his favorite meals. His mom had a hysterectomy during this time. So for a month I sort of took her role and I would go over and help cook dinner or clean around the house.

I never got a thank you from him. But I did not mind doing all this. I loved him and his family very much and saw them as my own family. I was happy I could help!

We only went on dates on special occasions to the movies. We couldn’t go anywhere else. His quote was “I hate being around people I rather stay at home watching TV”. Never attended my volleyball games as he said they were boring. For high school dances he took me to only 2 of them and made me cry at both because he didn’t want to be there. Prom, he stood me up and all I got was a text message saying “Keep making eye contact with your ex, have fun a prom by yourself”(apparently I had made eye contact in class with my ex).

I didn’t ever get a true apology instead I’d get a rose or a picture he drew which was enough for me. In my mind he just had a bad temper he’d grow out of. He was so perfect and he gave me rides everywhere, bought me food, and spent almost all his time with me. I believed no other guy would ever do this for me.

When high school came to an end, he received a full ride and convinced me to go to a college a few hours away even though he knew I did not have the money. He told me if I loved him I’d go, and so I did.

I was going to school full time and working to pay for school. My schedule was hectic and I would see him about 20min a night. On weekends I didn’t see him much I never kept him from his friends and at times I would go to parties or dancing with my friends.(He and I couldn’t go to parties together because he said it was inappropriate). He would also get furious when I would go out because he said he was scared I was going to screw up the relationship by cheating on him during these times.

This went on the whole year. During this time I caught him texting other girls a few times but he would always say it was nothing more than a friendship. Yet he would always accuse me of cheating on him and say he would hear rumors that while I was out, people would actually see me cheating on him. There was not one week he did not break up with me or fight about something.

The school year came to an end. I had to stay in the city to work and he went back to our home to work. We cried and had a couple of conversations and agreed we wanted to work things for the best. We still wanted to get married after college. It was going to be a time to mature since we were going to be distant.

A week after this conversation I find out through a friend he’s been cheating on me for 2 weeks. When I confronted him, he didn’t deny it. He said I deserved it for not giving him enough time in college. That it was like we hadn’t been together for a year.T hat she was everything I’m not and that the last 4 years with me were a waste. He started dating her a few days after. I was in shock. For 3 weeks I cried , Begged, wrote him countless letters but he just wanted to be with her.

When we got back to school. I went looking for him I needed answers. For a month I would talk and argue with him twice a week and somehow I always ended up in bed with him. (I knew he had a GF but I was still blinded by love). I ended up telling his GF about it. When she and I spoke, she told me when she started seeing him, he had told her he hadn’t been with me for over a month. He left me because in college I was drunk every weekend and slept with all his friends. I could not believe it! She confronted him and denied me of course. I was just the psycho ex that was jealous of their relationship and was regretting losing him.

I didn’t realize he was a narcissist until someone made a comment about it. I did some research and could not believe my eyes. The traits, the stories, everything described him almost perfectly.

I began having flashbacks of when he would always say he was at a whole other level above everyone, he was genuine, how he would always brag about anything he could, he’s very nice to everyone hiding his true self. How he was a charmer at the beginning of the relationship. His controlling, abusive, needy behaviors etc. It was if they had wrote it all to describe him personally.

Even after realizing I’m better off without him, I Now I hear and see he takes her on dates everywhere. He is absolutely the best boyfriend to her. Everyone tells me it won’t be long until his true colors come out and treats her just as bad. I’m having a hard time believing that. I’m still very in love and kills me he has moved on.