Self-Loathing

Regret is part of the aftermath of being conned by a predator. It is hard for you to believe that your intellectual intelligence was backed off to allow your emotional intelligence to go wild. It is because they are so very good at what they do. There is a Don Juan in them that is just highly developed and very good. You did what many women do you fell for a line and got hurt and harmed. It never works out for them in the long run their relaitonships all blow- up and around their 50's they self-destruct financially and emotionally. the only things that works is Lisa's NO CONTACT. Your memories will fade and the hurt will dull and your life will move on. You were abused, cheated, harmed, and hurt by a monster. You can't keep monsters for pets they are too dangerous. Let him go and move on. Your real life is just around the corner.

Don't be too hard on yourself gorgeous. You were hypnotized, controlled, abused and duped by a predator. Don't hate yourself all of us have been there. His behavior sounds typical N and very consistent with the rest of ours. Only a N can be so rude as to stand you up and not bother to call or text. Mine did that all the time and yet I came back for more! They are very good at what they do, they have practice. Wow i can't imagine seeing the OW in real life especially with him, photos are bad enough. I would have run too! I'm glad you didn't say anything to her because if you did - she would not have believed you. She is programmed and trained to believe only him. I tried telling teh GF of mine and she had me blocked now they are both out there calling me a pyscho. She didn't believe me, Barbara warned me that would happen but I went ahead anyway. You kept your dignity and that is good. I know you are hurting and you are blaming yourself but they do strange things to us. They drive us insane. I thought I was the most together girl in the world until I fell apart with him. I cna't explain it and you just can't. You can't win with a N most of us never get closure or the last word - it happened to both you and me. We give in, we love, we give them sex then D&D time. It's a pattern that can NEVER change. Ever. He won't change gorgeous girl. For you or for anyone. He can't, his brain is fried! If you aren't in therapy I think you should try...it really helps!

Hey Jackie I just read your story. We could have been with the same man literally. Mine didn't like to use protection during sex promised me he did this with "no other girls but you". I've obsessed over the pain of the GF for a long time. Is she prettier, is she smarter, what does she have that I don't. The answer is nothing he has just trained her to never leave him. He doesn't love her over me (he can't) or see any value except for himself and what he gets out of it. It is the same with you. I know it hurts to think of him with someone else but think of when you were with him. He was just like mine. He would come on strong, then disappear for an average of 2 weeks. Then come back and if I didn't reply to a message or a call - WOAH within 5 minutes he would be chasing and paranoid "where are you where are you". This is so typical and many of us have experienced this. My heart raced when I saw his name on my phone I got so excited. But that is the hook. The adrenalin of the high and the low. When they are high - wow they are really coming on strong. They get you used to that and excited then they disappear and you are left bewildered hurt and confused but because you hope for that high again you hang in. After tghe D&D you and come back we get so excited to see them chasing us but it sounds like you know all too well - another D&D is coming straight after. I would think "I wll just give him one last chance to change" but he never did. I always wanted to stand up for myself and during D&D I would compose messages I would send - "you don't treat me well, you stood me up last time I don't want to see you again etc". But when my phone flashed with his name, all that fell apart. I replied with "I miss you too can't wait to see you" and all those pathetic things. He had a power over me I can't explain and after all the awful things he has done I still yearn for him. The OW doesn't have it better out there over you. She has it worse. It is her turn to be constabtly discarded now. Of course she goes through what you go through - it is a pattern with a N they don't change for a different woman. It is the same, look how similar our stories are already! That woman will prob be on this forum soon if she is not already but she is going through high and low up and down and a constant D&D all the time, just like we did. They do't change for anyone they don't act different for different women. They wear different masks depending on what they can suck out of us but these women know just as we do. As just as we did, they block it, justify it find reasons to believe they 'love us' because we are hooked on that high they give us. These men are predators, not human. It takes a long time to pull away from them emotionally and physically it is so hard but your body and your emotions need time to adjust. This OW will get discarded too. We all do!

Hi Jackie and welcome to our family here! So glad you found us and hope you find the answers and healing you deserve. All of us are with you. All of us let ourselves be treated the way they treated us and came back for more. There are heaps of posts on how they hypnotize and control us. They are toxic and keep us hooked like a drug. You will be surprised how similar these men are. Like little clones of each other. Mine also lead me on for a year, made me feel special and when I finally gave him sex - it was all over and I found out he had a girlfriend the whole time! He also stood me up many times even though HE was the one that wanted to see me. It's like as soon as you say yes or give something back they run away. You are not dumb gullible and weak. You were used by a predator who knew what he was doing. A predator who cannot experience any emotion except childish rage. He cannot love - their brains are different to ours. No empathy, no remorse, no love. Their soul existence is new supply it's so pathetic. There is no easy way through it. It takes a lot of time to deprogram from a N. Therpay, medication, praying and this forum have helped - it has great answers here. If you aren't in therapy I would strongly recommend it - it so helps!! Keep reading the posts - I found so many answers and was shocked at how similar our stories and experiences are! We are all here for you Jackie! Love Cupcake

I know you're wondering, "why did I put up with that crap???" But we've all done it! Its so stupid but now that we're out, we can all see it as clear as day! The consolation you can have is that they WILL ALWAYS BE MISERABLE PEOPLE! When we finally get over the pain and remember it as a horrible nightmare, they will still be living it....over and over and over and over. Different women but the same miserable life!

Hi & welcome... We've all done it, back and forth with our N's. Please don't hate yourself for it. There are reasons this happens...and it happens to the best of us! Please keep reading the boards, you'll find many answers to the 100's of questions that are likely rolling around in your mind... Once you find out how they operate, you'll feel a lot better about yourself. This was not your fault. You've come to a great place for support!

I've actually been there over relationships with non-narcs, too. I think it's just part of the recovery process. I think when our inner being cries out "why" we should try to answer the question. For example I think my attraction to the N was partially wanting to attach myself to something more powerful, wanting a shortcut to greatness, as well as being gullible, not having had experience with an N and so not knowing that there was a possibility he was not fully humanized. Some of these realizations are very painful. I have gone back (or just plain stayed)to avoid facing these feelings. Maybe that's what you did, too. If so, maybe you can try forgiving yourself for that. We do the best we can with what we know, and we learn and move on.