itreallyisabouthim's story

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#1 Oct 19 - 5PM
itreallyisabouthim
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itreallyisabouthim's story

Hi. I am so glad I found this site. I was doing a search about psych evals in custody trials and stumbled in here. I have heard my soon to be ex referred to as narcissistic before but I had no idea to what degree this was true until I started reading here. I think I may have Wikipedia'd the term before but until reading real life experiences I did not really get it.

Now I really understand what it is about his behavior that kept me feeling off balance and like he was out to get me, even while he was smiling and telling me how I "should" be happy.

In addition to having trouble coming to terms with the fact that yes, he was really doing this stuff and yes, it was hurtful, there was the myth of him to overcome. That is where the narcissism really comes in full force with this guy. Now I understand why he spends SO much time talking to people and being ingratiating. He is basically a surf bum (calls himself an artist but hasn't produced anything in decades) and it took me forever to see that this is really ALL he is because he spends so much time gathering admirers. It would really be easier and less time consuming for him to actually develop estimable qualities and become gainfully empployed, the amount of time and energy he puts into convincing people that he is the next messiah. Not really joking here, he has a bit of a J.C. complex, thinking that he is so full of ideal love and bliss that he can practically heal people. It is charming at first, this man with the engaging eyes who seems to have infinite love and patience. But once married to him, look out. There is not enough Mr. Wonderful to go around - the closer you are to him and the more you ask of him, the more you are told you are unreasonable for having your feelings and just plain a b*tch for asking anything of him. After all, if he can't take care of himself first, how can he have anything left to give?

Unfortunately before I overcame the myth held by the masses, that this guy is virtually beyond reproach he is so wonderful, I had a child with him. We are in a divorce and custody battle and I am having a really hard time. Not only because of the usual stuff but because of that myth. No one believes how awful he is to me and how disturbing he can really be. I actually had to get a restraining order because he forced his way into my new residence against my verbal wishes and my body...he has showed up unannounced and uninvited, forced "hugs" on me, tried to use our child against me. But because he is this "great guy" (just ask him - he will tell you!) I feel alone. Not totally so, though, my family and friends share my opinion. But we're in a geographically isolated area far from our original home (I moved here to be near him) and I desperately want to go home. Though he is unemployed he feels totally entitled to just surf and nap and wants me to stay here in this area even though I need to leave and go back to where my industry is to support our girls (he does not help and is in fact trying to conceal his trust fund so as to not pay child support). He wants what he wants when he wants it and he has ZERO shame about this. There is NOTHING in his brain that nudges him as he snores away the afternoon while I try to work to make ends meet, that hting that should say "Hey, dude, you know maybe you should get a job or something so that your wife isn't supporting the kids alone". Nothing like that goes on for him. If he wants it, it is justified. He comes from money and his mom did nothing to squelch this tendency for self indulgence.

I am rambling. I'm sorry. Just wanted to introduce myself and say I am so glad to find this site.

Oct 20 - 6AM
AnotherPath (not verified)
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EndingTheDance Hi and well

EndingTheDance Hi and well come. The sickly Mr Nice guy constant therapist over the top charmer, isn't always liked by people. The conclusion I have come to is, the ones that like him, don't know him. Once I liked him, until I got to know him, so I was the same as them. After you split you do find that actually not everyone liked these men, some found him odd and too happy and sickly to believe. And the ones that like him have just been constantly lied to by him. I wanted to expose him to the world (sometimes still do) I know this won't help me or my children so for that reason there isn't any point he isn't worth anything and I know he is the best liar so would win anything with his convincing lies, he's had so much practice. A lifetime
Oct 19 - 7PM
4joys (not verified)
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Hi and welcome :)

Hi and welcome :)
Oct 19 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
grossot
grossot's picture

itreallyisallabouthim

Glad you found us! I could have written your post for you - sound eerily similar except my N did work -all the time-it was a good excuse to get away from how horrible he had it at home aiat least that's what I hear now. We understand here and we will do what we can to share ideas and info. Listen to Barbara. She can give tough love but she has good answers. Here's wishing you the best in court. Squash him like the bug he is. Read! Read! Read! YOU TELL LIES LIKE A CHILD SPEAKS THE TRUTH SO GOOD YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ~LISA SCOTT~(go to music tab) nolongercontrolled