AnotherPath's story

I was with my N for 8 years. We met on a gig him playing drums and me trumpet. He looked me up in the union book and asked me out. I said yes, but wasn't looking for a boyfriend as was enjoying being single. The first date was great he was so funny. The next day he emailed me and said he loved me. We then started dating and I got lots of emails about how amazing and talented and gorgeous I was, he wrote me poetry and I really thought I'd met the one.

I missed so many red flags looking back now. He would get angry at other people, road rage etc and had a "mad" ex gf who said he had ruined her life. He hardly had any friends. His child abuse stories made me really feel sorry for him. After 4 months he felt like he was losing himself within our relationship. Then there was all the pull-push me stuff for years. We then had two children. He'd had 5 abortions with different women before.

He was so into porn, and sex became mechanical then non existent. I saw stuff on his computer about massage sex places and prostitutes, he told me he didn't do this but was just fantasy stuff as he was bored of porn (LIAR). When I was 6 months pregnant with my second child he punched my arm as I held my 2 year old and I was knocked to the floor. I knew then there was no stop button and I lived in fear. I never argued with him and he led a life he wanted. I cooked, did all the children stuff with no help, washed his clothes etc. He spent ALL his nights on the computer playing with himself and having cyber sex. I became fat, unattractive and never went out apart from gigs. He didn't like my friends except my very good mate who he would hug and said he loved. He even sat me down to tell me I was wasting my time doing music as I was abominable. Strange I bought this as I am a professional musician both trumpet and flute and he gave up music (it gave him up) and he works in IT. He punched me in the face and head in front of my 9 month old son, then took a picture of this. I couldn't talk to him about any of it so would email him for an apology. Came in so handy for evidence during court.

I knew he would do it again and planned in my head what I would automatically do. The final assault came when I asked him if WE could put more effort into our relationship. He punched me in the face, knocked me out for a few seconds, then punched me continuously in the head. All I could do was call for my kids aged 2 and 4 so it would stop, (I know this wasn't a good thing to do) but I thought I was about to be killed. My plan stepped in I dialed for the police, he left and I went to hospital with a suspected broken jaw. A bleak time when I was told it could be broken I thought I'd never play music again. It wasn't broken and he was convicted.

I contacted two of his lovely ex gfs, he'd lied so much and punched both of them. Knowing how much he lied in the 8 years sent me down a hole.

Then came the hell. Realisation!!! Courts!!!! 5 times to protect my kids. The judge told me to talk to him to co-parent as I would damage my children if I didn't.

He has them over night now. He met all his new "friends" on the internet and spent all his time getting gf on dating sites. He's desperate to have more children

It's been a long road, I'd never heard of narcissists. That helped and I read for a year about the subject. I've been good for a few months, getting on with practicing and enjoying work etc. Lost weight, felt like a woman again and feel attractive Then two weeks ago my kids meet his new gf for first time and her 2 year old. She was laying on top of him in the park and kissing him. He spoke to me dropping the kids off about how his life was great and he was getting a great job (hasn't paid maintenance in a year and a half, and he was going to do a masters in psychology. I completely slumped into a mess when I got home. I hated the fact that I allow his life to still affect me. I don't understand this.

I did more research and came across Lisa on the radio, listened to ALL the topics and this lifted me nearly out again. I'm really going to do NO CONTACT as it just doesn't work for me knowing his life is great. I haven't answered his calls, text which he STILL keeps sending. What I don't understand is why does he want me to know his life is great, why doesn't he just get on with it and leave me alone.