jorobo's story

My psycho bi sexual loser ex. The expert at lies, manipulation and projection.

Wedding Night.
Martin didn’t sleep with me on the wedding night – instead he stayed outside with his old mate from Tamworth “Clive”. Clive and Martin used to be sexual partners at one stage years ago in high school– (this I only discovered recently when he told me this). Also in recent years Martin mentioned to me Clive had a big cock and that I would like it. And that he was going to arrange him to visit us for a 3 some.

Honeymoon/open marriage issue.
On our honeymoon Martin one night said to me that we should now start thinking about bringing other people into the marriage to keep it interesting. I was shocked and not at all prepared for this. I did not agree that this was what I wanted at all. I cried that night all night by myself on the floor of the hotel bathroom as I didn’t want to do this. Martin did not comfort me or say he was sorry or anything. He just went to bed and slept.

Martin has always had a dream of having 2 women ravish him and one of the women has to be me. He constantly talks about this and fantasises about it. I got so used to hearing it that I was getting to the point of just accepting that it was inevitable and hoped he would hurry up and get it over with.

Martin thinks I am his possession as he says he “let’s” me do things- like go to AAMI work functions or he ‘let’s’ me go out somewhere or ‘allows’ me to fuck other men. He really controls who and when and how I fuck and is not allowing anything at all. For this he says I should be eternally grateful and he brings this up at times to make me feel guilty. If I do have a 3 some with him and another man then he gets cranky if I give the other person more head jobs or more sex than him. I must always go and satisfy Martin once the other man has come and he must come to orgasm or he will remain moody for days. He said to his brother Andrew one day that “Jo is my possession.”

Suicide Attempts by myself.
My first suicide attempt was when I had my hand injury and drove my car down Scott Circuit and crashed it when I was drunk and upset and screaming at Martin that I was depressed. He didn’t stop me driving the car or talk to me about the fact I said I wanted to die. I went on antidepressants after this episode and pretty much have been on them ever since.

The next attempt was when I lay on the road at the front of our house at Salt Ash and waited for a car to come along and run over me. The car that came swerved and missed me and the people carried me inside to Martin who didn’t even know I was out there. The reason I was out there was because he had refused to talk to me for months and had given me the silent treatment so continually that I felt I was going crazy. He was also starting to bring up the open marriage thing again and this was playing on my mind that it was something I was going to eventually have to do. I didn’t want to do this but slowly over a period of time and after continual talk about it from Martin I was resigned to the fact that I would have to do it sooner or later to make him happy.
I desperately needed to talk with him and he shut me out and then got angry when I didn’t give him sex on demand after not talking to me for days on end.

Martin told me after both these attempts that “I should just snap out of it and get on with it, and it was all in my mind”. But he didn’t understand that I couldn’t do that. It is an illness. He said he didn’t believe in either it or medication.

In August 2004 I was admitted to Maitland mental health ward after I had a major depressive episode after trying to come off the medication for depression as Martin said I shouldn’t take it and that it was just an emotional crutch. My work colleagues from Tilligerry RSL admitted me to hospital care for the depression. I spent 3 days there and they increased my medication and I have since stayed on it ever since. It is now classed as a managed condition.

More recently I bought a book from overseas about euthanasia and it described how to make an ‘Exit Bag’ to kill myself. This book I took to work to hide and one night after work I was going to get the bag made up and kill myself on the way home. The reason I believed I could not live like this anymore was because Martin was being so controlling, manipulating and questioning my every move. He would check my emails as well to see what I had been doing. Also I was depressed as I couldn’t get him to stop the 3 some and multiple partner thing we were caught up in. I was sick of it and wanted to stop. Every time I asked Martin if we could stop he said “Oh how selfish of you... I still haven’t had my 2 women yet- you know I want that and so now you decide you don’t like it anymore”. Also he refers to my “All or nothing mentality“ where I do things full on or not at all. Well I made it clear to him I didn’t want to do this anymore. But he got moody upset and made me feel guilty by not talking to me and then 3 weeks later manoeuvred me towards a man at the beach who we knew and said : “Go Suck his cock... go on”. I said “Martin I better not he is our friend and I don’t think he does that sort of thing” and Martin “said go on he will like it and so will you.” He kept this up and I kept saying I didn’t want to but by this time he had sort of moved me into a position where I could do it. I could see he was starting to get moody again because I wasn’t doing it and that I would be in for more problems at home so I gave in and did it.

Ever Changing Expectations in Relation to Sex.
Martin wants me to have sex with others as he says it turns him on and loves it when I do it. It is the only time the 2 of us really ever had sex for the last few years - when another person was involved. The reason for this I believe is because I didn’t love Martin anymore and was desperately searching for, and believed I was getting, love and affection from these other people in the 3 some and also building relationships with them. Martin didn’t like the fact that I was bonding with these people and he said I should just have sex with them and not get attached emotionally. I told him I couldn’t do that and that I was an emotional person. He wanted me to have sex and then just cut all ties with them until he was ready for another 3 some and he was in control of the situation. Because I couldn’t comply with this expectation Martin gave me the silent treatment for days on end at a time or was moody and angry and refused to give me any affection or love.

Martin also had trouble achieving orgasm and used to pump away at me for a long time and then get shitty when he couldn’t cum as I was getting dry and sore. He then wanted anal sex all the time as he kept saying “it feels better to him and it makes him come quicker”. I didn’t really enjoy anal sex but just did it because it meant the sex could get over and done with quicker and he would leave me alone.

I have left Martin twice before. The first time was before we had children in 2003 the second in June 2006. I have always ended up going back and trying to make it work in the hope things would change or get better or be more normal.

2003. One day Martin came inside and opened the fridge door and saw a bowl of dog food in there which I had only put there temporarily as Ben our dog had gotten out and I didn’t want the flies getting onto the dog food. Anyway Martin was furious and picked up the fridge, and threw it outside with all the contents spilling out everywhere and the insides of the fridge breaking. I was terrified and scared of this reaction. I said Martin I am tired of your ever changing mood swings and tempers and I am leaving you. I left to stay at a friend’s house for a few days until he enticed me to come home by saying the dogs were missing me and he wanted me back.

In 2006 I again left Martin and took the kids for a few days and stayed at a friend’s house because he was continually asking me to have sex with other people and I didn’t want to, plus he was getting more and more moody and giving me the silent treatment for days at a time and I was so lonely, isolated and confused about what his anger was.

Martin coerced me to come back home by threatening to take the children off me as I suffer from depression and am on medication for this. He said in these exact words: “ You had better come back home as I will fight you for custody and win as you are a mental case on antidepressants and a court would never grant you custody”. This is a thing he has repeated to me constantly anytime there was any sort of dispute, or anytime I said I was wanting out of the marriage.
I was terrified of losing the children so I came back and ever since then I have stayed because I was too afraid I would lose custody of the kids if I left again. I from then on started giving in to Martins requests for an ‘open marriage’ and the sexual acts Martin wanted and soliciting people online for sex. It was through sites like RHP, where we met people and they came over for sex. Martin orchestrated this and often spent hours talking online to people and arranging for the men to come over and have sex with us. Martin had anal sex with one of the males as well.

I remember asking Martin if we should use protection and he said no.

I also remember after several months saying I didn’t want to do this anymore as it was confusing me emotionally and physically exhausting me. I also said I just wanted to love and spend time with our kids and not have to spend so much time pleasing him sexually as well as others and working full time and doing all the mowing, cooking, cleaning and washing.

Mowing the 2 Acres.
We have a 2.5 acre property and this martin ‘expected’ me to mow with a push mower as he refused to by me a ride on. He said it was good exercise for me. He also said that I needed to do more around the place to help him – so on my days off I would mow and it took me 2-3 hours usually. During this time I also had to keep an eye on the kids – but usually I put the TV on for them. I felt like I was neglecting them but if I didn’t do the household chores then Martin would be cranky and tell his family that I was useless, lazy, can’t get out of bed, didn’t do anything around the house to help etc.

Recently I bought 2 goats to help eat the grass in part of the paddock so I wouldn’t have to mow so much. Martin tells everyone he did this for me. I found the goats, arranged for them to be delivered and payed for them. I would have preferred a ride on mower but he wouldn’t allow me to buy one of those.

Control and Manipulation.
It was like he controlled my every action and thought, or tried to. I wasn’t allowed to do things without his consent or permission or approval. For example, he got cranky when I went shopping with the kids and didn’t tell him and he wanted to go. Or, if I talked to his brother Andrew on the weekend for half an hour while outside having a beer, Martin would start throwing things around like the wheelbarrow or tools in the paddock. He once broke a window in his car by doing this. He wouldn’t come over and sit and talk with us he just got cranky and moody and gave me the silent treatment all day.

The next morning Martin would sometimes be happy again, and everything in his mind was fine with us. But most times I was still upset as I was never sure what mood he would be in or what frame of mind or why exactly he was cranky in the first place. Did he want me to do the mowing today? Or go shopping? Or to the beach?. If I slept in a bit longer – say to 9am after working till midnight – then he would go off his brain throwing things around and blaming me for ruining his weekend- like “You just do whatever you want and don’t care about me or the family. You don’t even get out of bed“. He didn’t care that I hadn’t got home till midnight, and by the time I did a few things and wound down it was quite often 2am before I went to bed. But then I had to be up again at 6am during the week to help with the kids, often while he got his stuff ready for work.

Reading my emails.
Martin also read through my personal emails quite regularly as sometimes I would go to my inbox or sent box and the emails had already been opened and read. He even reads my work emails as he can access them in Hotmail.

Moods.
Martin said to me and everyone else that he supported me when I had to go to AAMI functions or travel away for work. However – EVERY time I came home after being away or at a work function he gave me the silent treatment for at least one day after, often much longer. I always asked him what was wrong he always said ‘nothing’ so I never really knew why he was cranky. That was until recently when he said he was cranky, moody and upset because I had been away/to a meeting/ function whatever and he didn’t get to go and that wasn’t fair.

His Brother Andrew.
I began talking to Andrew over the internet in 2006 when I was organising a Bielefeld Family get together for all the family for the first time ever. I was also on maternity leave at the time and rather lonely. Andrew became a good companion to me and we chatted for hours about things- mainly me getting to know each other and the ‘Bielefeld” history and what Andrew had done since leaving the family.

After the family get together I became close to Andrew and I decided that since Martin wanted me to have sex with another man well this might be the one I could do it with to get it over with. This is how much my thinking had been altered. Anyhow, I did this and told Martin right away and he was initially cranky because he didn’t witness the sex but he seemed all ok with it and the next time we had a 3 some. We continued to have 3 somes for several months until one day when Martin suddenly changed his mind and didn’t want to do it anymore. He was sick of having sex with his brother involved and wanted us to pick somebody else, a male so he could have anal sex with them. I said I had built an attachment to Andrew and he was a good support and friend to me while I was isolated and alone during my time off work. Martin never spent much time with me during my maternity leave and we rarely talked so that was why I was so drawn to his brother as a companion.

Three weeks after Martin told me he wanted me to stop with Andrew he then told me how much he loved watching him and I together and that it turned him on and then it was perhaps ok if we do this again. I was confused and after a few more threesomes I told Andrew ‘no more’. It was not to happen again and that was the end of it. I pushed Andrew away and said that I must only have sex with the people Martin chose and approved of and that he was not one of them anymore.

Motorbike Issue.
For months Martin and I talked of getting a motorbike. I went and got my licence and then researched the type of bike I wanted. One day I found the perfect bike and it was at Anna bay- I saved up my money and bought it. Martin was FURIOUS. He said I was wrong to do this without his permission and he never let me forget this fact by telling his mother and brothers, and whinging that I was selfish and only ever thought of myself. I later sold the bike as it was always a point of contention and the people who came to buy it were shocked at how ‘angry’ Martin was when they were in the house to make the purchase.
He then said to me a few months / years later that He really didn’t want me to sell the bike!!!.

Soldiers Point Bowling Club.
The staff at the Bowling club where Martin worked as a supervisor got together and wrote a letter to management complaining about how Martin was: controlling, arrogant, rude, non- communicative and would often not talk to staff members for their entire shift. The management had had several meetings with Martin prior to this letter with their own concerns about his attitude, manner and dealings with other staff.

Management decided to offer Martin the opportunity to resign as they were about to terminate his employment. Martin then resigned on advice of his union representative and told different people several versions of what actually occurred to other people.

Version one- was he resigned because his wife was fucking his brother and he needed to be at home to monitor me.

Version two – he resigned because he was sick of working with the management there as they were incompetent and didn’t know how to run a club.

Version three- he decided to resign as he could see no future for himself at the club and couldn’t work with the management there.

Eating Meals Together.
Martin has rarely ever come inside to have a meal with the family on the nights I am home from work. I feed the children myself and he is usually outside in the sheds, drinking or doing whatever outside the house and rarely comes inside. On nights when I am at work Martin places the food on the table for the kids and goes outside to have a drink and smoke and occasionally stands over them to supervise them eating. (I know this as his brother Andrew lives on the property also in a granny flat and he sees this happen and has told me).

We rarely ever ate together at the dinner table and more recently Martin got cranky about this blaming me for the fact this has happened. Unfortunately I have worked nights for the past 4 years so I have not been at home during this time to co-ordinate family meal times.

Martin never says “I love you” to me. I have to ask him on a daily basis martin Do you love me? He usually responds with “yerh”.

I do not get affection or cuddles or any sort of emotional support from him.

Martin’s Councellor.
After I left Martin in March 2009 I asked him to go to a counsellor and get some help for himself. I initially thought marriage counselling would be good but also wanted him to get some help for his own issues. He went and did a 4 hour session with Yvonne Pacey at Shortland.

I also went to see Martin’s counsellor “Yvonne” at her request. She has been doing counselling for about 30 years and she was shocked and horrified at the things I told her about the sexual things Martin made me do, such as have anal sex when I didn’t want it, or when I asked him to stop the threesome things and he wouldn’t, or when I said that I become emotionally involved with people that I have sex with and he said “well you will have to learn not to and just fuck them and move onto the next one”.

Yvonne said it was clear the marriage was over and based on what I had told her she advised me that I should leave Martin for good, and take the kids with me.

Our Financial Position.
My view on our mortgage situation was that I was disappointed in the fact we were not paying any of it off over time and in fact it just kept growing.
When we purchased the home in 1999 it cost us $164,000.00. We renovated and expanded the house over time and the mortgage increased to $270,000.00 and has been at this amount for the last five years. We have not been able to pay any of it off except for the interest each month.

I often said to Martin over the years that I wanted to pay more into the mortgage to reduce the mortgage and that I would like him to reduce his spending so we could do this. He got angry saying that he needed to spend/buy the things he does for the house or his business and that we should actually be getting into more debt to get the house finished and so he can buy a new car.

We talked recently to a financier who said we could increase mortgage to $350.000.00 and Martin wanted to spend it all straight away on a new car and caravan.

I was stressed about all this and felt he didn’t really listen to my concerns about how we should really try and pay what we have off first and reduce his credit card debt. I had managed to reduce my credit card debt to zero by March 09, after purchasing a second hand car which I needed for work in November for $8000.00. I was able to pay off the car, pay for the mortgage, pay for childcare each week and food. I don’t know what the hell Martin paid for and all I did know was he was about $20,000.00 in credit card debt which scared the hell out of me. I talked to him about how he was going to manage this and reduce it and he said “well we need to get into more mortgage debt to pay my credit card debt”. I was disillusioned and stressed by all this debt and wanted him to listen to me, but he wouldn’t. I felt alone, scared and wanted out of the financial situation we were in.

Work hours.
I recently offered to Martin to change my work hours at AAMI to a daytime role so I could spend more time at home with him and the kids and maybe that would help our relationship. Martin always came back with the answer- “No it wouldn’t work as it would be an extra day of childcare costs and you still would not get home till 7pm anyway so that wouldn’t help. Besides, it would be less money”.

6 months later

Iam still renting a place with my kids and he is STILL living in my home. he wont leave as he still thinks iam coming home to him.NEVER EVER!!!!!!!!

he doesnt pay a single cent towatds the cost of the childrens daycare and refuses to commit to a parenting plan.

I even intercepted an email from him which stated his clear intentions was to "get custody of the kids and MAKE me pay him money!!!".

What a loser.

29/9/09 - today is my birthday he sent me a text " Happy birthday sweetheart i love you".

FUUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!