Help he has a new girlfriend

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#1 Sep 17 - 5PM
Scoop
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Help he has a new girlfriend

I have just heared he is seeing someone and im on the floor . I feel like all the work i have done in the last 3 months have gone out of the window . I wasnt ready to hear this .I feel like shit .What do i do ?

Sep 19 - 12PM
Warrior1
Warrior1's picture

New girlfriend

Hi Perutoo -- This is probably one of the hardest things to come to terms with, how easily and quickly you're replaced with another girlfriend/victim. You wonder if it's you. What was wrong with you? What could you have done differently to have made them want to fight for you and stay? You should realize that you're the wonderful and beautiful person. He's the one with the MAJOR personality flaw (or should I say mental disorder). Reading some of the posts here have helped me to realize he won't be any different with another woman. I've prayed at times that my N will never be able to rope in another woman with his false charm. After I told my N to get out of my life, he went and married the woman he had been living with for years (his "front"). I cried so hard when I heard the news I couldn't breathe! But that pain only lasted for a short time. Take one day at a time and keep focused on yourself and your future. Write about your feelings, as you're doing here. It really does help! As I mentioned in a previous post, I am in such a happy and self-contended place right now. It took months and months of concentrated effort and ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT, but it works! Best of luck, Perutoo!
Sep 18 - 10PM
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Don't consider her his new

Don't consider her his new gf, consider her his new victim!
Sep 18 - 7PM
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture

I know, amazing

I had people just look at me with utter shock when I told them he left for someone else - I had to comfort them-LOL!! They just could not get over how good we were together. He on the other hand when confronted by someone who expressed thier disbelief to him over our breakup stating we "fit together like a hand and glove" - his comment was - "no we didnt". Just utterly amazing what goes on with them - what they "see" and what really is there. Regardless of how well we were together they still did not see the pathology that I saw. He did me a favor by reaching in my chest and pulling out my beating, loving heart.
Sep 17 - 6PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

peru

Aw peru hon, I'm so sorry for your pain. I know the hurt they cause us can cut like a knife. I have found that when I start thinking of my ex in "normal guy" terms, that's when I feel it the most. In other words, if he REALLY cared about me, and REALLY loved me, and was a REAL person, then news of a new woman would REALLY suck. And you're thinking in those terms, likely...switch back to thinking about the hollow, lack-of-any-emotion except rage ACTOR, and you may realize what you feel is more anger than anything. The "other woman" to me = "next victim". He WILL NOT be any different with anyone else than he was with you. And whatever source told you about this new development is not something or someone you probably want to continue to be around. Keep the bad stuff about him in the forefront, journal, read old emails, letters - the COUNTLESS times he was a bastard. My therapist told me I was LUCKY mine left. At the time I kind of looked at her sideways and thought...Oh ya, right! But she WAS right! Hang in there...eat some chocolate, go have some fun with your friends...and enjoy your FREEDOM FROM HELL-BOY!
Sep 17 - 6PM
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture

Help he has a new girlfriend

Good. Now he will leave you alone. He is her problem now - Look, it will be no different with her. Just replace yourself with her - same exact thing, same treatment, same bad behavior, same lying, same everything. YOU escaped. YOU should be kissing the ground. Who cares. I have been out of this for almost four months and almost three months no contact. Feel the peace. Feel the calmness. I know it hurts- believe me, my narc had one lined up before he even left here. She has no idea but Im sure she does now. They dont miraculously heal - they leave with the same issues, maybe even more. Dont worry - focus on YOU - focus on YOUR LIFE and YOUR HEALING. Nothing changes. Dont worry. I was but a long line of wives, two of them and women. They treat them all the same. Be strong.
Sep 17 - 5PM
tasha
tasha's picture

perutoo

When my ex husband got a new GF it hurt me too. The pain of him having another GF near killed me!!!He rubbed that GF in my face and loved seeing the pain and anguish it caused me. I no longer see Nacissists as people and I've stopped trying to rationalize thier behavior.They are preditors-like any preditor in the wild the hunt and kill, with Narcissists-they hunt and hurt. It's nothing personal-that is their nature. My ex husband had had many GFs in the last 5 years. I no longer care. He treated them all badly and I am greatful that I didnt spend the rest of my life with him. Maybe you wernt ready to hear that he moved on, Ask yourself-would you have wanted to spend the rest of your life in that misery? All the work that you have done in the last 3 months has not waste of time-it's an investment in yourself and your emotional wellbeing. In your future-These feelings will pass-I know....I know it hurts like hell!!!But I promise that in the future when you look back and be greatful that he has moved on. Focus on you-dont worry about the new GF. You are the one matters to you. So pick yourself back up girl off that floor-because you worth it!!
Sep 17 - 5PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

girlfriend is a bad word

oh boy you know my take on "THE GIRLFRIEND",(just ask cupcake) poor Barbara finally got it through my head) who cares he is her problem now, please replace new girlfriend with new victim. There is another word I dont want to hear again, this adds to my list: soul mates, and girlfriend, or we could call it girl victim, and she is far from his friend either. What do you do? NOTHING, you say thank the lord above its not you, there is NOTHING a narc will ever offer anyone that will turn out good, it never ends well. Have you ever read one single story from the wives and girlfriends on this site that ended happy? Attention all Girlfriends: if your story ended happily ever after with your narc please let us know and those who spent years of your lives with them was it wonderful? I didnt think so. Dont feel like shit, feel good about yourself you deserve better in your life. You bet it hurts but not because we walked away from love. Stay strong you do not want to be with a disordered person then your life would really be shit.
Sep 17 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

perutoo

Wait - he's got someone new yet he was asking if you could be "friends with benefits"? And still trying to lure YOU back in? I feel bad for her... where do we send the sympathy card. READ: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/11/other-woman-now-hes-happy-her whoever told you? did you think he WANTED you to find out? You need to go NO CONTACT with anyone giving you info on him. Or telling you ANYTHING about him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 18 - 3AM (Reply to #7)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Yep , just last week he

Yep , just last week he emailed me to be friends with benefits . According to the person that told me he met her at the weekend .I have had a kull on face book and got rid of a couple of people . These people just dont understand what the hell this freak is like , the ease that he devastates .I can get my head round the fact he wont treat her any better , Well he will for a few months if she lasts that long ,i have to believe his charm doesnt work with every girl and i hope she is on the ball .What kills is that he wanted me to know , he wanted to hurt me ,after all he has done and all that he said that wanst enough for him , it feels like he wont be happy until he has killed me(not litualy) Its rage .Dressed up . I crumbled last night , the crying is back buts its ok , i just still am looking at him as a normal man , half of me knows he isnt . The more evil he dose and i remember helps to understand the condition but still my head wont cant "get " it . I soooo tired .He is a nasty little man . Peru x
Sep 18 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

no break for the Ns

isn't it breathtaking the speed with which we are tossed aside and replaced? they don't even come up for air. THAT ALONE should tell you something. They take NO BREAK between relationships because they can't be alone and they need another fix asap. SICK! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 18 - 6AM (Reply to #9)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

barbara

And they dont just replace you quickly BETWEEN relationships, but when the relationship they are in is completely fine! At the drop of a hat! Those bastards!!
Sep 17 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ditto

Ditto what everyone else said. Count your blessings, dear! They NEVER change. They are not capable. Do you think if he was still with you it couldnt get worse? I'm here to tell you it does. I'm a strong person and found myself a basket case. The pain is unbearable if you stay in these relationships. Mine turned to him breaking down my door in the end. He became physically abusive. I guess he felt his game was up with no other option than to start pushing me around. If you had suggested that he would ever do that I would have said no way! Even his ex told me that he never got physically abusive with her in 15 years! But he was a lot older now. They get worse. They fear no new victims. Concentrate on YOU now. NC!
Sep 19 - 1AM (Reply to #4)
Rose-Marie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Dolce

Yes, they do get worse. To the outside world (and to me at the beginning) he was nothing but a kind and perfect gentleman. Behind closed doors the subtle insults and put downs began. I could not believe though that this man could ever hit anyone. At the end though, he shoved me ever so slightly with anger and when I looked into his eyes, at that moment, I knew he was capable of hitting me. He did not do so, but I know that if we had stayed together he may well have done. Be glad you are out Peru. It may not seem so at the moment, but with time, distance and clarity, you will see it. Rosy
Sep 19 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Rosy, A little shove turns

Rosy, A little shove turns into a full shove. Then he hit me. Broke my glasses. Threw me against the wall. Broke the door in. More. I had to call the police. He had turned into a monster. The first time he tried to get in the house, heyelled and threatened. But then in the creepiest tone he said.."****, let me in please. I hurt my arm and just want to get some aspirin?" I swear it was like The Shining when Jack Nicholson is trying to get in the bath where his wife is. I had this cold chill down my spine. When I still didnt let him in and called 911, he broke the door. When he heard me actually speaking to 911, he sat outside on the steps waiting for them to come! They arrived to find an absolutely calm person. They were even laughing and joking with him before they came in to talk to me! Very unprofessional! My DV counseller wants the report and names of those 2 officers. They told me had a right to break down the door.
Sep 19 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
Warrior1
Warrior1's picture

Physical violence and the N

Rose-Marie, Dolce, everyone ... My N slapped me only once in the face and then turned around and told me I made HIM feel like a monster. Nice, eh? That's a classic case of blaming the victim. In retrospect, I should have clocked him back, but I was so shocked that he would actually slap me! These are not nice guys.