It's probably easier to work backwards than start at the beginning.
Two months into our 'relationship' (full of hot/cold displays and disappearing acts), knowing there was so much that was plain WRONG with the whole situation (and at the same time, so RIGHT) I did a questionable thing in itself and checked my N's mobile phone. He had told me he was seeing no one else and kept reinforcing this in other indirect ways, but I had a gut feeling it wasn't true.
I found loads of texts from some woman full of ''miss you xxx'' and ''I'm still sore xxx''. Worse still, an un-named number from someone saying ''but I'm so horny! I live at such and such address..''.
I felt sick. I had to confront him though. I did it calmly and honestly, mainly because I could barely speak. I also felt very bad about looking in his phone and apologised. He wasn't even angry. He told me it wasn't what I thought, that I was being 'presumptuous' (!), that he knew he should have told her a long time ago to not text anymore... I wanted so badly to believe but I knew it was just washing over me. I'd heard it all before, just not from him. He told me how incredibly pretty I was and how I just didn't know it. And all the while holding my hand and 'comforting' me. When he told me who she was, and he he was 'just flattered' by her attention now and then, it clicked that she was the girl he had supposedly stopped seeing months ago because 'she always had issues, wasn't happy unless there was a catastrophe in her life and likes to argue when she's drunk'.
I left his place that morning numb and broadsided. He just kept telling me I was taking it all too seriously, it was nothing like what I thought and should 'cheer up'. As I got into my car he kissed me on the cheek and said ''i'll catch you later you'' and ''see you soon''.
He ignored my text later that day saying 'did I really blow things out of proportion like a silly *rse?''. Nothing from him. An agonising week later I sent him a carefully worded text to sound 'normal' and laid back (not wanting to push him away further) just apologising for being nosey and mardy and saying I hoped he was ok and I'd catch him soon. He did answer this time.
I thought he sounded normal at first, but was clearly ignoring my apology. So I repeated it saying 'I've said my bit and I was bang out of order'. He came back at me saying 'yes you were, its why I don't want a relationship with anyone women are all mad'. Followed by calling me a bunny boiler, telling me I shouldn't go hang myself or slash myself though because I was still ok for a woman. I was thrown and couldn't believe my eyes.
I should have ignored him and turned my phone off. But I kept going. I asked why he was being so nasty when all I wanted to do was apologise and talk. He told me he wasn't being nasty, I was just interpreting it as nasty and that I should smile. Smile. So I asked if he was just winding me up. 'Yes' he replied. And that is the last I heard from him.
The silence has just added to the problem. I'm an intelligent, easy going, open minded woman who takes life as it comes, never made demands on him and just enjoyed his company and being with him. He knows it will be hurting. But I never gave in, I didn't once text or call him after that.
Then last weekend I accidentally sent a text to him that was meant for someone else. It was nothing, just a line or two about a diving club meeting. I followed it up saying 'b*gger, not meant for you - perils of doing 2 things at once. It's L, how are you?'
He's ignored that too.
Any thoughts? I have ok days and bad days but mainly feel like he hates me. I shouldn't care. But I do. And I also feel scared of him - mainly that someone so warm and funny and candid could be this cold, unfeeling, remorseless machine.