Just When I Thought It Was Safe To Answer My Phone

Just When I Thought It Was Safe To Answer My Phone
Posted September 9, 2009 - 3:33pm
0

Late last night as I was waiting for a call from my daughter, the phone rang. I don't have caller ID and 99.9% of the time, I let my machine pick up. I have been in No Contact for over six months. I honestly thought the caller would either be my friend (who I'd left a message for earlier) or my daughter. So I picked up.

"Hello?", I said.

"Hey" HE SAID. (notice, he didn't call me by my name or address me in a polite way....just "hey"....like NOTHING IS WRONG????)

The next thing he heard was a "Click" because I hung up the phone. I have him blocked on all my email accounts and my cell phone. The phone company referred me to their Annoyance Call Department who's policy is only related to Police Cases. They will send him a letter but not block his number. I have made it my policy to screen my calls but frankly, it's annoying and embarrassing and I thought enough time had gone by that it might not be neccessary anymore. WRONG!

I was very surprised he called and even hearing his voice sent me reeling. I immediately called a friend since I don't have Call Waiting to make my phone ring busy if he tried to call back.

I know I handled it okay but honestly, it did send me into a funk.

Why in the world would he want to contact me? Just so he can Devalue and Discard me all over again?

I'm in a great deal of pain trying to recover from that relationship and didn't need this!

neveragain

‹ some (adult) observations Mary Jo Buttafuoco's New Book Aims to Help Others Living With 'Sociopaths' ›
James's picture

Please don't answer that call!

September 10, 2009 - 12:09am — James

One thing I try so hard is to warn others too

expect the unexpected

After giving my ex our home phone number I made it very clear that I didn’t want this number to be given to anyone else including her family members. Dealing with one nut case was enough for me and didn’t want calls from anyone else. I also told her more then once that if she ever (I knew she would sooner or later) give it to anyone else I would change the number and she would never get the new one!

One day after returning home from work and talking with my sister on the phone, I received another call on the “call waiting” on my phone. Seeing the caller ID, I inform my sister it was D and hung up from that call. But it wasn’t D but instead her new bf.

He started telling me how I shouldn’t have the boys write those type of letters (see *). And then went on to threaten me!

Okay Ladies I did snap!!!

In the haze of insanity I can’t even to this day remember all the nice colorful words I told him but I do remember taking my base ball bat and hitting my dinning room table over and over again telling him simultaneously “This is your head, this is your head!!!!”

After coming back to my senses I called my sister and asked that she call D and tell her the letters were how the boys felt about all her BS. I was sick of putting them through all this shit and they too wanted it too end.

After calling my sister I call the phone company and got a new number that night! That was the last time we talk to her..

*
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/03/correspondences-fr...

D’s boyfriend called (get date) threaten me not to have the boys “write those type of letters” and if I kept doing this he would give me problems!

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/03/sons-birthday.html

GhostBuster's picture

Sorry

September 9, 2009 - 5:11pm — GhostBuster

I can totally understand how that was so upsetting. Is it possible for you to change your phone number (get an unlisted one)? I employed Barbara's advice and told the phone company I just got out of an abuse relationship and they were more than accommodating (I got a female customer service rep). I think I have to pay extra each month (maybe $5?) for the unlisted number, but it's worth it to me.

If that's not doable, can't you program your phone to block his number? I was able to do that on my phone...so I have double protection: new unlisted number and in case he gets it somehow, he's blocked.

Again, sorry.

neveragain's picture

GhostBuster

September 9, 2009 - 5:52pm — neveragain

Thanks for your compassion. It was/is very upsetting to me. One of the things I liked the most about my ex was his voice. I would just melt because it was such a great voice. Now it just makes my blood run cold.

I have had this number for about 15 years. I used to have caller ID but since my rent was raised from $950/mo to $1,500/mo (ha, in ONE year!), I cut out every frill like any extra phone features. I also run a little home business on the side and my labels all have that number on them. I did that so that if anyone saw my handiwork, they could call me to place an order.

I could change the number but it really pisses me off that because of HIM, I would have to go that far! But, you're right, maybe I should. Damn that man!!

GOD, WHY did I pick up the #&*^%#*&$#( PHONE?!?!?!?!

I really thought it was safe....I guess we'll always have to watch our backs....we're never "safe" when it comes to THEM.

neveragain

James's picture

neveragain

September 10, 2009 - 12:20am — James

GOD, WHY did I pick up the #&*^%#*&$#( PHONE?!?!?!?!

I know how you feel!!!

If this fool (new bf) told me this sh*t in person instead of calling me, I would be writing this post from a 10x5 foot cell instead of my home. I tell you no lie!

I never in my life felt so much "rage" at that moment!!!

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

neveragain's picture

James: It's Never a "Pretty" Dance Is It?

September 10, 2009 - 5:33pm — neveragain

I couldn't help but smile a little when you said that if you'd been told that SH!T in person, you'd be writiing from a 10x5 foot cell instead of your home! I know just how you feel. It feels good to imagine WHAT I WOULD say but I know the reality is that NOTHING I could say would ever improve the situation. I'd just be still participating in the Dark Dance and end up feeling like run over dog poo.

It's best to just cut our losses and disappear. Like Magic.

neveragain

James's picture

Thanks!

September 10, 2009 - 8:09pm — James

It's best to just cut our losses and disappear. Like Magic.

Thanks neveragain because that is what we did. Cut our losses and disappear. Best decision I ever made in my whole life!

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

James's picture

Thanks!

September 10, 2009 - 8:10pm — James

deleted

GhostBuster's picture

Worth a try

September 9, 2009 - 6:34pm — GhostBuster

I'm not exactly sure if this would work, but maybe get a different phone that allows blocking. I think it was a feature of the phone, not the phone service. But I may be wrong.

melanie's picture

deleted

September 10, 2009 - 6:24am — melanie

deleted

Barbara's picture

neveragain - phone

September 9, 2009 - 7:39pm — Barbara (not verified)

you did EXACTLY the right thing by just hanging up.

consider spending a bit of extra money and getting an unlisted number or calling the phone company and saying you just got out of an abuse relationship and you need his numbers blocked.

Good going!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily

"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

neveragain's picture

It's Nice To Know I (finally) Did The Right Thing!

September 9, 2009 - 8:18pm — neveragain

Even having that 2 second exposure to him made me feel sick. I'm SO GLAD I found this site and have the support here to keep No Contact!

It really is the only way to get through this. I will be diligent in my enforcing NC.....and I will be better for it.

I've decided to change my answering machine to pick up on the fewest rings possible...None, it that's possible. Even shortening it to two rings would work. I'll also record a VERY brief greeting. That way, I won't spend much time screening AND my legitimate callers won't be waiting for four rings and then my greeting to finish before I pick up.

I did try to get my phone company to block him and told them exactly what you said. However, they refer all of these types of requests to a special department that said that they could only send him a letter.

*sigh* I guess relying mostly on my innter fortitude to enforce No Contact also has to come into the mix. He could always call from someone else's phone and then I'd be back to square one. At least with all the other blocking I was able to do, he knows that I DO NOT WANT ANY CONTACT. period.

neveragain