death

death
Posted September 9, 2009 - 7:30pm
0

How did your N deal with death? I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately and remember how I heard about my colleages' death 4 yrs ago.
I worked with her for 5 yrs. She was a mentor and friend. Someone I had a lot of respect for; taught me a lot about my profession. Her kidneys were failing and she was told she only had a few years to live. I visited her home and made dinners for she and her husband while she was unable. Only a few months had passed when one evening I sat down on the couch at home getting the laptop out. N came into the living room; stood at the top of the steps and said "oh yea, M___ is dead". Then he shrugged and, out of the corner of his mouth said "sorry! I almost forgot". Then went downstairs to work out!

OMG. How could I not have seen this very clear warning sighn!

‹ But He Said He Loved Me! Do N's wonder why we have NC or don't they care? ›
Beachcolors's picture

Death is just another word

September 9, 2009 - 10:44pm — Beachcolors

They don't really care about death...anyone's. Except maybe yours if he can make you crazy enough to kill yourself over him.

My N's mother died over the summer....the event that I broke NC over.....he did actually seem upset and even cried to me over lunch the day after. That same night he wanted to go out for dinner and said he would pick me up when I got off work.

Well when he did pick me up he had bought a bunch on new clothes...had on a new outfit...and took me to my favorite French resturant for drinks and then to one of the most expensive places in town for more drinks and dinner. I promise you he spent about $250.00 at dinner. And he hardly mentioned his dead mother....I was more upset than he was. That night was one of the best moods I ever seen him in. He was so loving and fun.

The day of the funeral he called to see what time I was coming to his house and somehow D&D'd me out no where. He forbid me to come to the funeral and she and I were quite close. I took her to her oncology appts. because he was too busy. I pick out and mailed her last mother's day card from him. About two weeks later he calls me and acts like nothing ever happened. He wanted to go to dinner and like an idoit I went. After he started drinking he let it slip that he tried to pick up a girl at the bar one night by using the "dead mother angle". He claimed it didn't work...hum, i wonder why?

tina's picture

Let me tell you

September 9, 2009 - 10:54pm — tina

how my loving N helped me deal with the death of my brother, then 4 months later with my sister. Both deaths were unexpected and totally pulled the rug right out from under me. I am crying as I type this for I lost both of them just 2 yrs ago, then my little niece shortly after that. Yes, at first he was sympathetic and somewhat supportive when my brother died but I took it so hard when my sister died and needed him but where was he...too busy getting his music career in line. Shortly after my sisters funeral, there was a small memorial service held for her and my brother which I had to ask if he would go with me and he said no, it would be too hard for him. Can you believe that??? I was so embarrassed in front of my family, they kept asking where he was and of course I never wanted to have him look bad so I lied and said he was sick. I was the one who was sick, stupid, and so clueless on just how thoughtless he could be. Many times my wonderful family had come in from out of town to go and watch him at his gigs, sung his praises to everyone about his music, bought his cd's etc... To this day it still hurts me. I am so angry at myself that these thoughts and memories still hurt. Why won't they stop? I think its because I get depressed and remember how much fun he & I had but don't get me wrong, I NEVER want him back, but FUCK it still hurts so bad! He came out smelling like a rose, moving on with his music career, just enjoying life. Damn it. I want him to hurt for all he has done. I want him to want me back, to call me, to leave msgs and texts just so I can tell him to kiss my ass. I know it isn't healthy to feel this way but today, I don't care. I just found out he is making lots of money, patched things up with his ex wife that he claimed to hate, and they are currently on vacation where he and I use to go. No, I wouldn't take him back for all the tea in China but man, it still hurts to know he is happy. Long story short, they cannot support us when bad things happen because they are too shallow and think only of themselves.

James's picture

They simply don't care...

September 10, 2009 - 12:52am — James

I lost my sister due to cancer. She died at a early age (only 36) and left behind two children and a loving husband.

I was distraught and having a hard time dealing with it. Never did she comfort me once during this event. No compassion and no sympathy from her. Driving to the funeral for the wake I got lost and couldn’t find the church. Never once did she try to help me,,, NOT ONCE! I just broke down emotionally and never did make it to the church. We were so late we missed the wake and I couldn’t reach my sister’s cell. Not once did she try to help me found the church but only sat there complaining that I was the one who wrote the direction! This was the saddest day of my life and I swear to God, I felt alone in that car even with her in it! I never forgave myself for missing my sister’s wake and never forgave her (ex) for not trying to help me in my time of need. I often wonder if this was when my heart started to turn to stone toward her.

Also I lost a dear close friend who killed himself! She knew how much I loved Terry and that I was upset and shaken due to the fact he committed suicide. Again, no compassion no sympathy from her.

Simply these people don’t care if someone you know dies, they just don’t care!!

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

Barbara's picture

no compassion

September 10, 2009 - 7:06am — Barbara (not verified)

my mother was a Narcissist
I cried at the funeral - for the loss of the mother I should have had and the relationship with her I should have had.

Middle of services exNH turns to me and says - "you and she hated each other! what the f**k are you crying about?"

Nice. A**hole.

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