I met him about a year & a half ago.. It was an instant connection.. He told me of his recent break up with his fiance & how much of a lying, cheating gold digger she was. He showed me photo's of his body with deep scratch marks on it.. He showed me nasty text messages from her demanding money & making threats. He told me how hurt he was that she cheated on him so much & that she was telling people that he bashed her.
He seemed so understanding & down to earth.. We laughed so much together & could just spend all day in bed with each other.. After we first hooked up, I decided that it was best for us to be friends - as I wasn't ready for a relationship. But, he was so persistent in a funny & cute way..
One night, I ran into his ex.. I approached her & we got in a heated argument.. she ended up charging me with common assault.. I'm not one to fight, but I was so passionate about getting back at her for all the 'lies' she had been spreading.
After about a month.. I started to notice inconsistencies in his stories.. About his past, about his employment & his life in general. He told me he was a pro surfer & professional photographer.. He told me he had investment properties & owned his own business. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.. I believed his lies. He manipulated me so much to think that he was someone that he wasn't.. He would pretend to be on the phone.. get a business calls. He made fake email address' and invited me to award nights (which ended up being canceled & 'flooded' on the night).. He promised to hire me as his PA. I quit my job & was excited to gain employment with him..
He calls, and says that his business partners mother has died in a tragic accident.. this prolongs me starting work. it gets put off & put off. He goes to the 'funeral'..
He recieves a phone call from one of his mates, who has just totalled his 4WD & is in hospital. His million dollar business crumbles as his business partner breaks down over the loss of his mother.
At this point, I'm having my suspicions on why so much bad things are going wrong for this guy but also trying to support him emotionally..
His surfing 'team manager' sends me an email to invite me to travel on the QS to be his point scorer. Of course, I become excited & accept the offer... the comp gets put off.. My room mate at the time opens my eyes a bit & tells me to confront him about all these inconsistencies. So I do..
He breaks down and tells me that I just don't understand what he's been through & he feels he has noone.. & admits (somewhat) to the lies. He tells me of the abuse he suffered from his father.. Still in honeymoon period, I crumble for him. I try to comfort him..
He promised he wouldn't lie to me again & that he would do whatever it takes to prove himself. He told me his story, and I truly forgave him & tried to understand him. Despite my friends thinking I was an absolute fool. The next 4 months were spent laughing with eachother again.. I fell in love. He was everything I ever wanted in a best friend. He made me feel loved. He let me be myself.
I remember the first night I saw his rage.. It scared me & I had never experienced such hurtful words from anyone.. He insulted my life.. He told me I was worthless. This night came out of nowhere & was a massive smack in the face for me.
He promised it would never happen again. 'it was just the alcohol'..
Over the next few months, we spent more time together & I tried to make myself believe that he hadn't abused me that night. I tried to forget all the lies he told me. I knew that there was something wrong with him. I knew he would get to a point where he seemed to have no control over his actions or anything that he said. A little argument would end up in a massive, dangerous fight. He would think it's acceptable to call me every name under the sun & for me to just forgive him.
And I did. I forgave him. I just wanted to be happy. And after each fight, he would promise me so I truly believed he would change & it wouldn't happen again. I kept living, hoping that things could go back to the beginning.. Hoping we could be happy.
I made a big mistake of moving in with him. He said this is all he would ever want & this would make him happy. I moved 2 hours away from my hometown to be with him. It was great for the first couple of weeks, I could wake up to the guy I loved every day.. He began to get more & more controlling. Getting angry when I spoke to my friends on the phone. Making me feel like I had to stay there with him every second of the day. He would go through my phone, read my diary.. & criticize me about my feelings.
Yet, I could never go near his phone or be with him when he opened up his email account. He would accuse me of cheating on him (even though I spent all my time with him). He would say that I'm a flirt to his friends (so I stopped talking to them totally)..
The abuse became worse.. He would find new things to hurt me with. He would insult my family, my friends.. Our arguments started to get pyshical.. He would never hit me, he would imitate to but then slam me up against the wall with his hands around my neck. He would trip me over when I'd be running away from him. He would throw me across the ground.
I knew I had to get away. But there was still that feeling that maybe we could just be happy, like we once were. He told me if I left him.. He would slit his wrists. He told me he would kill himself, and that I had to explain to his mother that it was because of me. He threatened to kill me, he threatened to kill my dog.. He told me he would ruin my life & that he hated me.
All I wanted was for him to love me.
I caught him out time & time again - talking to other girls, inviting them to our place when I wasn't there, telling them he was single. And I forgave & forgave & forgave.. I believed his lies.. He promised me he would get help & went once.. but didn't go again.
I fell pregnant.. It killed me to get the abortion.. But I knew I couldn't bring an innocent child into an abusive relationship. And of course, he makes me feel like a dog, because he wanted to have the baby. I remember nights of locking myself in our bathroom, feeling so pathetic. He would hear me howling, yet he wouldn't be affected by my tears. His rage would take over every other emotion.
Every time I would gather myself to get up & leave him.. He would give me every reason why I should stay & work through it with him..
He admits he has a problem.. and that he wants to fix it. Yet, makes no attempt to do anything. Makes no attempt to show me he cares about my feelings & accuses me of playing the 'victim' all the time. So I bottled up my feelings, embarrased to share them with anyone. I started scratching at my arm, digging my fingernails deep. It felt so good to let anger out..
He is moving away to try to help himself. I'm left emotionally, financially & physically drained. I'm in deep depression & trying to get myself out. After everything he has done to me, after all the names.. all the deceits, the lies... I still just love him. Which makes me feel even more pathetic. Bit by bit, he has taken my heart & soul & made me feel like nothing. Yet, he is the one laughing & getting on with life.
I want to break free totally.. But it's going to be a long journey. I feel like happiness is so far away for me. If anyone has any advice for me... then please share.