Barbara it's so clear to me now they are all cut from the same cloth. I can't even say the levels of abuse from one to the next are different because it seems as time passes the level just keeps ratcheting up. I'm sure had I moved in with this jerk he would've become physically abusive just like the creep I was with when I was in college.

I was always the bad guy too. Whenever anything was going on not only was I the one having to apologize but try to be understanding of all the stress he was under. Stress from what? He doesn't even work! He doesn't even try to get himself out of his situation. I could never accuse him of being abusive because like it says it was all done in a subtle way. It was all emotional and mental twisting of reality. If accused he'd put on his most wide eyed innocent face. At first he would talk sweetly and calmly but then he would become irate and raging. There was also another look he would get at times in the beginning it was endearing. I learned to hate that look because with that look came the lies.

Funny how in the beginning of when it all ended it was his decision. Once I cut all my contact with him for that month, his next call to me was how he hopes I understand he hasn't been around because he's going through a tough time. I've heard that alibi before from my mom. It was always a tough time. She couldn't teach me to cook, sew or visit when I moved out because it was a tough time. When I was getting married she wasn't happy for me because she was an old woman what did I expect. When my daughter was born she never even held her or saw her in person only pictures. Because she was old and going through a tough time. My mother went to her grave never knowing her only grandchild. They're always full of excuses and reasons and damn you if you try to change anything or OMG live life. I pity them they cause havoc and unhappiness then wonder why they are alone. My mom was a good one for crying how all alone she was playing her martyr role but she was the cause of it! My N is the same way. He can't understand why so many people hate him. I guess I should make him a list LOL.