Seems like you really need to fight wishful thinking to protect your boundaries. Really hard for ACONS and for those who have already been emotionally abused or exploited.

It's strange because, I thought I knew my own personal boundaries, but the snakes I dated manipulated me into breaking them. I don't think I trust myself right now. Not sure when I will be able to.

I have learned so much in the past four months, but still, I worry that if I ever do allow another man into my life, once those hormones kick in, it's like a drug addict, logic and wisdom can go out the window . . .

Just to add . . . yes, I do believe I have personal strength and that's probably why every N I have been with has D&D'd me. I did ask good questions and in every case, I have talked about my boundaries and my needs in a relationship.

Hi,

Well I had boundaries in place. I chose to help him cos I trusted him and thought that he had had a difficult time. I suppose they are so good at mirroring that I thought he was a genuine kind person who had the same morals as me..........maybe I was projecting. This is the second time this week that I have heard that it is a lack of boundaries and low self esteem. My exploitation was simply that I trusted him and didn't know he was a false person so any behaviours of his wasn't worth working through cos he couldn't whereas I thought he could.

You have to have clearly defined boundaries to defend them...yes,,for example,,ex N violated my boundaries big time,,he delighted in this feat,,,I did not know how to protect myself (what to say, do, who to tell, how to proceed, what is proper) had no concept of how to handle it...handle the fact that someone, a man who manipulated me, told me repeatedly out of the blue "I am bigger than you" great Narc comment,,right!!! Narcs supposedly feel themselves bigger than or superior to us or any "normal" person,,,he would say that to me as we were walking along the street,, I was like,,aaahh, yeah,,okay, he was subliminally getting me to admit (falsely) than I was weaker than him,,

THIS IS HOW THEY BREAK US DOWN!!!!!!!

We all have values we want to communicate,,or feel close to,,and love,,the N want us to always be lesser than, inferior to,,not only subordinate to but made impassable because of them...they seek to destroy, by all those means that Barbara shares,,,,you are right!!!

Once we have been in a N relationship, where the boundaries have been so continuously crossed, blurred,,,we physically and mentally bring that into the next encounters we have,, it is like we are expecting the next guy to do the same,,when that is not at all the case,,,guess what? Maybe a guy wants to take you out to just speak with you about something,,,and not suggest that it would be fun to f,,,ck you in the bathroom at the dunkin donuts,,,maybe some person doesn't have to abuse you in relations with you,,,what a concept!!! Really hard for those of us to accept if we have been in multiple,,,multiple,,,,abusive relationship!!!

Abusers seek those who are abused,,,they find themselves there,,we have to learn about how to counteract abuse, and find pleasure and meaning in realtionships that aren't based on abuse,,,,get a more positive foundation and courage for relationships,,,,than was layed out before ,,,especially if parents were abusive as well.

thank you, we are far from weak, what we are trying to overcome is far from ordinary and I think we get so involved that we forget that We think we were fools, weak, naive, when in fact we were nothing but NORMAL with very special qualities inner beauty and outer beauty as well; we were conned and played by a disordered person, its that simple. Untangling it all is not that easy or simple. We are told not to take it personally but its hard not to, I took it VERY personally because of the devistation it had on my life. The bitter part, if grieved properly, is usually short-lived; the sweet aspect is long-lasting.