roxy's story
roxy's story
I was married for 35 years to my high school "sweetheart". I never understood why he became more critical and distant after we said "I do". I felt locked into my marriage due to my upbringing and we went on to have a family.
The constant emptiness remained in my heart for decades, but I went on to raise our children, get an education and "get a life" beyond my empty marriage. I never had an affair but I did admire a handful of men that impressed me with their intelligence, sense of humor and I suppose...just not being like my vacuous husband.
He lived his life as he pleased, working out of town often, leaving me to take care of family and home. I think his absences made it more tolerable to be married to him. But when he was home, we never felt like a couple, never held hands or even walked side by side. When we went places I felt like we not a couple, just two people going somewhere.
He brought chaos wherever he went.
To make a long story short....my years with him were miserable, to this day he martyrs himself everything he ever did, finding blame for any problems on me or anyone other than himself. People are what they do, and he is a liar, an adulterer, a sex and porn addict, lazy and financially irresponsible. I own all that I did to hurt my marriage, but he is responsible for his behavior, not me.
The big turn in my life was recognizing him for who he is and to stop making excuses for him. I allowed myself to move through the anger of wasting all those years with him and regret for marrying him in the first place. I have set clear boundaries with him concerning his behavior around me and so far he is respecting them.
Narcissists are illogical and are trapped in their own minds. There is no reaching them, short of a miracle. Recognizing them for who they are and no longer being in their endless cycle of selfishness is a solid step to a healthy future.
I would rather be who I am and have gone through those years of unhappiness than to be in his shoes. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and writing a book about my experiences in hopes of helping others. He is still a miserable human being with bad karma.
EndingTheDance Sounds so
To Roxie
Right now, I'm still angry
hi roxy