roxy's story

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#1 Aug 27 - 1AM
admin
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roxy's story

I was married for 35 years to my high school "sweetheart". I never understood why he became more critical and distant after we said "I do". I felt locked into my marriage due to my upbringing and we went on to have a family.

The constant emptiness remained in my heart for decades, but I went on to raise our children, get an education and "get a life" beyond my empty marriage. I never had an affair but I did admire a handful of men that impressed me with their intelligence, sense of humor and I suppose...just not being like my vacuous husband.

He lived his life as he pleased, working out of town often, leaving me to take care of family and home. I think his absences made it more tolerable to be married to him. But when he was home, we never felt like a couple, never held hands or even walked side by side. When we went places I felt like we not a couple, just two people going somewhere.
He brought chaos wherever he went.

To make a long story short....my years with him were miserable, to this day he martyrs himself everything he ever did, finding blame for any problems on me or anyone other than himself. People are what they do, and he is a liar, an adulterer, a sex and porn addict, lazy and financially irresponsible. I own all that I did to hurt my marriage, but he is responsible for his behavior, not me.

The big turn in my life was recognizing him for who he is and to stop making excuses for him. I allowed myself to move through the anger of wasting all those years with him and regret for marrying him in the first place. I have set clear boundaries with him concerning his behavior around me and so far he is respecting them.

Narcissists are illogical and are trapped in their own minds. There is no reaching them, short of a miracle. Recognizing them for who they are and no longer being in their endless cycle of selfishness is a solid step to a healthy future.

I would rather be who I am and have gone through those years of unhappiness than to be in his shoes. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and writing a book about my experiences in hopes of helping others. He is still a miserable human being with bad karma.

Oct 20 - 3PM
AnotherPath (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

EndingTheDance Sounds so

EndingTheDance Sounds so similar to mine, sex and porn addict, financially irresponsible, didn't bother to speak with me most of the time or acknowledge me, apart from put me down and rage. Funny really that they all think they are unique and special when actually they are all the same, dysfunctional depressed misogynists swimming around in a soup of rage.
Oct 10 - 6AM
Chloe
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To Roxie

Hi Roxie, Amazing! The ONLY difference between you and I is that you had 12 years longer than me, the rest is IDENTICAL, right down to not holding hands. I am really proud of how far you have come, as it was not easy, but life rewarding. Some day, I too would love to write a book. :)
Sep 13 - 5PM
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Right now, I'm still angry

Right now, I'm still angry of all the wasted time (& youth!) spent on him but i guess i should be glad that i had enough sense to finally get out! Life with them is NO LIFE! Its funny, i didn't even kno that narcissists existed and yet, i described him using the same phrases used here: Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde, "walking on eggshells", silent treatment, never his fault, etc, etc.
Sep 13 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
dolce (not verified)
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hi roxy

I can relate to everything you said. You sound so strong. I'm 7 months out and have bad days still. I still am in shock in a lot of ways. I get depressed. I had gone through a divorce earlier in life, but htis one is way different. Being involved with a N and getting free of one has really done a number on me. I struggle, but with the help of the members here, I get through it day to day. Thanks for posting your story.