TJ's story

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#1 Aug 24 - 4PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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TJ's story

I can't cut contact because of my daughter

I have recently divorced my N husband after 19 years of a horrible marriage and verbal raging and abuse, infidelity, etc. I started studying about narcissism 3 years ago when we started the divorce process.

Believe me, the best thing you can do is to have NO CONTACT, it really does help, but that's just not possible for many of us who have to share custody of children.

I battled this man for three years and finally got 80% custody. My daughter is 13 now and started having trouble with her dad (surpassed him in maturity) when she was 10. She's sees right through all of his ACT.

We signed the divorce and parenting agreement 1 month ago and the court took into account, my daughter's request to only see him every other weekend and vacations. (She asked to not see him at all, but long story with battling lawyers, etc) They said her testimony will have more weight when whe is 14 or 15.

My ex signed the agreement and is now degrading me and my daughter as much as possible; saying that we are ganging up on him and that he is SO hurt by the agreement, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I try to work out scheduling with him for our daughter (via only email communication - paper trail) he is contstantly sending me rage attacks via email and always threatening to catch me in contempt of court for violating the agreement. ( I am following it to the letter).

I don't know what to do work with him any better. I am just going to keep all the correspondence and if it stays like this after some time, I will take him back to court to try and get full custody. I am hoping my documentation of his rages and constant breaking of the parenting agreement and testimony from my daughter when she is older will work.

Is there anything else I should be doing at this point? He lives 2 houses down from me (his choice) and he is getting even more psycho after he "lost" the divorce battle that I am becoming, for the first time, actually afraid of his rages - that all his verbal talk might turn into physical.

Any advice on dealing with an N because you share custody would be appreciated. Silly me, I thought it might get a little better after we were officially divorced.

Aug 24 - 5PM
James (not verified)
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Thanks for sharing!

They said her testimony will have more weight when whe is 14 or 15. Being a single father of two boys I afraid the lawyers and court are correct that until our children reach a age of maturely they fall under the guild lines of custody court by-laws. As for my story because my ex made so many mistakes in the beginning it was easy for the children and I to start complete NC right away. I got lucky and I know it and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don't thank God for that! Right now one boy is 18 and the other is 15. Something again I thank God for. I so sorry to hear about your story and my heart goes out to your daughter and you. Hang in there because sooner of later these people will shoot themselves in the foot and destroy what little they have! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Aug 24 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
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business ONLY

many of us here co-parent with an N. Definitely save all communication. Keep a journal with date, time and every little thing that happens. If he gets threatening... TAKE HIS A** BACK TO COURT FOR FULL CUSTODY and get SUPERVISED VISITATION! These should help: http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/07/06/co-parenting-narcissist http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/03/no-contact-rules-without-children ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck