I was with an N for three years on and off. I kept kicking him out and taking him back. All who know me were shocked at my behavior because I've never tolerated bad behavior before in any man.
Like all of us I got "snookered" and didn't know what was happening to me, just that I was not the happy go lucky person I had been for 52 years. I kicked him out for the last time after I stumbled upon Abuse Sanctuary website. I was in counseling and getting nowhere. Through the website I was reading about my life !!!! I had a name to put on this craziness. I kept reading and stopped counseling.
I put my house up for sale because I couldn't stand running into the N all the time. I'm in a better place now and am just beginning to feel the fear of what I'd been through and where I will go from here. I'd rather feel that than what I felt being with an N. Well this leads up to one thing basically... when I'm having a bad day and think of the N or crave contact,(I've been NC since I kicked him out)
I realize that I am glamorizing his life in my own mind. As soon as I realize this I know that even though he's probably "honeymooning" some else now that his relationships will always turn to garbage. I in turn glamorize my life.
Hey, I'm in a new place, will meet new people, I am smarter now and even though I never meant a thing to him emotionally I know he's glamorizing my life in his mind!!!!! He knows nothing of what I'm up to but I know he's on the hamster wheel doing the same things over and over.
I have the ability to live happily as I did before I met him and I will!!! No, I'm not fooling myself either. He was calling me up to the time I disconnected the phone(I never answered then)and I won't now if he tracks me down. No contact and no glamorizing his relationships with other women will be the first step to healing with maybe a subtle bit of revenge that does not hurt you in the least. Take care.
We will all have bad days but don't glamorize anything about him or your past relationship with him. Starve the vampire that an N is and starve that vampire that is within you taking away your happiness because you had the misfortune of loving an N...