he got the boundaries and expectations today. i havent heard from him. so anything coming on legal paper may just do the trick for me. i dont know if he is planning his next strategy or what but he is quiet right now.

he hadnt changed his mind about being deadset on us rebuilding. he had clarified and that was for son to see us being civil. ok we say hi, how are you, good to see (not), see you next public function. birthday parties are still out. yesterday he was still trying to worm his way in. i found out he got his mom and sister planning to come to. i do not want to see him.

im just not interested in rebuilding anything of any kind. the more i push him away and out the more he fights to stay in. im really ready for him to be bored with me.

feeling very frustrated today. i feel like people are trying to force me to have some kind of relationship with ex. right i dont want it. i want space to heal. then i need to be able to get to the point i dont react to him and what he does.

im so sick of others not understanding.

right now i feel he is trying to find a way to manipulate me so he can come to sons bday party. he wants his narc mom and sister to come. i dont want to see these people. they are very manipulative.

i feel like my own mother is under his spell.

forgot to add part of his message and the all niceness im getting. he wants to call a truce for a couple of days and then start building from there. ok i missed something on that one. i didnt know we were rebuilding. i missed on what we were suppose to be building we are divorced. last time i checked it all had been severed and there was nothing to build. he did clarify that it was so we could get along when we have to be at the same place for son. oh im sorry im suppose to let him come around like nothing happened and still be there at everything even the house, even though we are divorced.

barbara am i right he is talking about rebuilding not for son but to keep me there as a supply when he needs it and also the control thing. he wants to be in control.

this was the other part of why im so afraid of letting him get past my wall and getting sucked back in. thats why i started freaking out again. he was getting to close.

im in big time defense mode. also i did just what i was trying to avoid him for, i let him push me to the point im reacting big time internally.

i really did think that i was getting out of the drama and it just seems to have increased especially after getting asked out on a date.

right now i have so much info in my head i feel like its going to explode. all this stuff has happened over the past couple of days with ex wanting to be at sons bday party im throwing him, getting asked out on a date, and him wanting to call a truce. my head is honestly swimming right now.

my no contact just got shot to pieces.

im really venting today. a guy that my ex works with just asked me out. i can say from what ive been thru i would just being going from one bad relationship to another. he asked my ex if he cared. i dont know what was said. but this could be why im getting the attention from ex right now along with other woman not in the pix right now. it would take more of his control away and another man stepping in on his territory. its not about me but the control thing and a possession thing. am i right barbara.

then i couldnt go out with this guy. he has no morals. im not looking to be wife number 6. i have standards now and im more on guard. also i need to heal first before i go into another relationship.

why me? Barbara if this guy pursues it more will ex get a little more controling.

im working to get my boundaries in place with him, i dont want to take big steps back.

is this murphys law? im looking to simplify my life and it seems the more i try the worse it becomes. im actually looking forward to my peace and quiet by myself. im looking forward to just having to take care of me other than son and no controlling husband. im actually looking forward to the things i can do now that i want to do and never got to do.

Sometimes it just amazes me at the things the n will do. I feel like im getting better but i still have my set backs.

he and son are going to see he sister this weekend with his mom. she is also a n and i believe possibly bipolar.

he is getting to close and i told him to backoff. He aplogizes and says im sorry i didnt mean to do anything wrong.

then he knew about sons bday party and wanted to come. i said you are celebrating with your family and there is no need for you to come. his reply oh just my sister is doing this and im coming there to celebrate with him, mom and i are.

i really wish his girlfriend would take him back so he would have someone to occupy his mind.

i have this wall built up and when he gets to close the warning signals go up.

my therapist said it would get worse before it got better. im not looking to have a relationship with him. he doesnt know how to have a normal relationship with a person. im not looking to go back and be treated like dirt. im not going to allow myself to get sucked back in. im not going back into a relationship of any kind with him where i am doing all the work and my needs are not being met.

so whatever he is looking for he needs to go elsewhere to find it.

my therapist asked me some questions and i didnt know the answers and now i believe i do. she asked me what would i do when he accepts its finally over. right now i will jump for joy. she asked why was i still reacting internally. she said im doing better not reacting outside just still reacting inside. the reason is i dont trust him. also he isnt acting like a normal person who wanted a divorce.

a normal person who wanted to be divorced goes their own way and accepts they arent there all the time for the kids. especially when he gave me fulltime custodial parental rights with him having visitation. a normal person who wants to be divorced only has contact when its necessary about the kids and its only kept to the kids. you dont give someone a hard time if they are going somewhere, or if another man comes into their life. you dont still try to have control over the ex. but then again he isnt normal. i really had to vent and get this out. im ready to explode.

im doing really well at not seeing him. i couldnt tell you the last time i have seen him up close or talked to him face to face. im working at my no contact but how do you keep that in place when they are wanting to show up where you are or chasing you down in the parking lot to talk to son??? this is what i am trying to work out. im very frustrated today with him.

oh good grief. he is trying the things that i use to do when i was just trying to get his attention and just wanted the interaction. i hate to admit that.

he called me and then hung up. then sent a text and said sorry i hit the wrong button on my phone.

i really hate to admit that i use to do that just trying to get his attention or have some kind of contact with him.

no contact. apparently it does bother them. i had another of our friends (who works with him) ask me today if i was doing ok. He said is he driving you crazy. i said sure is. he said i hate to tell you its going to get worse before it gets better. he said he is going to try all kinds of things right now. i said great just what i wanted to hear. he was the one who told me today that the other woman broke it off with him because of her job. he said just hang in there. he said he tells ex all the time that he is nuts and tells him he is an idiot. i just said let it go and just say i wish you the best adn really just dont want to hear it anymore. he said he would.

im really frustrated and exhausted today from the saturday and sunday encounters.

thought so.

they are who they are with EVERYONE eventually.

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"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck