Jbaysmom's story

I cant even write all the crap I have been thru in the last 3.5 years with my N husband.

He has told me on numerous occasions he didnt know how he felt about me and for me to give him some space only to turn the charm on in a couple of months and act like he loved me more than life. Then later complain that I don't trust him and I'm insecure. That's the truth. Ater all this I AM both!

I am wife #4. They "all left him". Maybe true, but he made sure of it!

He hit me in the face when I confronted him about chicks calling him at midnight wanting to know where he was, he has said mean cruel horrible things to me and filed for divorce.

As I was learning how to let go he suddenly pops back up and says he's not sure if he wants a divorce. He's been praying about it and he doesn't have a peace about it. My prayers answered so I think...We start spending time together but a night of snuggling could be followed by days of no contact. When I mention it to him he says I should be patient not rush anything while he figure this out because he doesnt trust me! ME? I have been worshipping the ground he walks on since I laid eyes on him.

He says I tried to ruin his life by calling the police. Uh, he hit me! What was I supposed to do? Now about that night...he hit me and I left. I called the police. They went to our house and found him OD on Xanax, tons of alcohol and suicide note. 4th time he has tried to commit suicide in his life. If police wouldnt have come he would be DEAD! After 4 days in ICU they take him to treatment. He comes home 8 days later never remorseful but thankful that I was still there, never left him. He owed me this and that and he loved me more than life. Couldnt live without me. Until 9 months later when he up and filed for divorce OUT OF THE BLUE.

Anyways back to the spending time together....we have been for a few weeks then all of the sudden Monday he send me a TEXT that says he loves me with all his heart but doesnt have time for me and cant give me the attention I deserve or need. He didnt respond to any text wouldnt answer my calls and wasnt home that night.

I find out later from someone else he was at a concert with 4 chicks and was on the phone the next day bragging to someone about this chic wants him and gettin' this piece of ass etc. Of course he didnt have time for a wife.

I confronted him about it and he got mad at ME!! HOW DO I LET HIM GO? I love him or who I thought he was. HE's my husband! I wanted forever. Why am I not enough? I tell him he he's hot, successful, great dad, great this,

I DO stroke his ego ALL the time. What if he tries to get in touch with me AGAIN in another 4 months? I miss the wonderful times. With us it was so passionate, so affectionate, so loving in the good times and complete HELL in bad times. No in between!

I am seeing therapist, but my mind in wondering who he is with, how he can be out playing while I am at home still in bed at 2:20 on a Sat depressed missing him!

How do I heal?? I'm so heartbroken and I am trying not to contact him. HELP!! I don't know how to heal from this!