I have been with my husband for 20 years ... I had a lot of problems from my upbringing and was really young when I married.
I imagined that I had found a man who loved me and I think he did as much as he could possibly love someone. What I didn't know is that he had no interest in me at all. I was just an object to cook for him, do his laundry and provide sex. I was a mess but got therapy and grew. He however grew colder and more distant and angrier the healthier I got. He would go to therapy from time to time to work on our marriage, say all the right things, charm the therapist, then treat me like dirt behind closed doors. Lots of verbal abuse and the occasional physical threat.
It took me 20 years to realize he didn't want intimacy. Dumb me. He just wanted me to reflect his glory as man of the house and not bother him in any way. So here I am.... maybe he's not a full-blow narcissist. I don't know. I really don't care. What I do know is in OUR marriage... he is a true blue narcissist. This realization has given me such a feeling of freedom and peace.
What I'll do from here, I don't know. Things are peaceful in our house since I had this epiphany and quit trying to connect with him emotionally. For now I'm just going with the flow.