Our court date approaches in 9 days. Yeah. Ive been working on no contact and leaving him alone. I agreed to the visitation for him and son. I agreed to get son to the 3rd party drop off and not stay and pick him up after stbx leaves. He gets one day a week to spend 4 hours with son. No problem. Son doesnt mind and knows he can call his dad and go see him if he wants to. he hasnt asked for the extra time. I dont know if its because he doesnt want to or he thinks it will hurt me. I do know that he doesnt want to go where his dad lives. He lives with his mom. Son comes home and says i hate going there and she is crazy.

Stbx has burned my phone up today. i had over 30 text messages and then he started calling. at first i was just deleting them and not answering and finally i had enough. i picked up and said quit it. i said i dont know why you are doing this. i said when son called you sunday night, instead of calling him you call me. Why? son left you a message you should have called him. I said you are getting your one day a week and your every other weekend. I said you chose this and its what you agreed to so quit complaining and get over it and grow up. I said this is divorce and you chose this. i said so leave me alone and stop.

He starts in the one day you want to give me is to much time in between the next visit and you are looking for anyway to punish me or hurt me. i said stop its not about you or your needs anymore. its about me and what i need. i said i wanted a little extra space to not have to deal with you because of things like this. i said its not even about son. i said son knows to call you if he wants to or to even see you. you can call him and i havent told you no. then he started in that im mean and selfious and its all about me.

i fell right in like an idiot. i called him a very ugly name. i said our divorce is fixing to be signed by a judge our son is hurt by that. i said but you dont care because you are selfious and self centered. then we got off on us. i said you dont care about me and never have and you dont know how to. he said you dont know me or anything about me. i said you are right i dont know you anymore or what i thought. i let him make me cry. now im mad at myself and frustrated. he went on about our history that he rewrote. i said its so funny i remember all that so differently. but you know what i just dont care anymore. im done. i told him i didnt want to see him again or hear from him. i said leave me alone.

he said he was hurting to. he caused all this and thats not my problem anymore. today has just really sucked. i thought he was doing the punishing me by ignoring me and not having contact. i guess my punishment is over. i blew up and made a huge mistake. i said dont you get it i want out of sight out of mind that helps me more than anything where you are concerned. now i just want to kick myself and today has really been bad. i want to just go home and pull the covers over my head and forget the outside world exist.