Thank you all for your comments. I think I came off a bite wrong in what I was writing. I am a woman that can't be a lone. I know that I don't need a man to make me happy. I am in a great place with work and my social life. I am getting my life on track. My meeting of this guy was very serendipitous. I don't need or want a relationship. I want a friendship. I like the feeling I have when I know I am going to see this person. That's nice but by no means am I ready for a serious relationship. I just want to know if I am safe to open up to him?

Face to face therapy is not readily available in the UK. I remember when I dated the first narc many years ago I ended up very ill and under the care of a psychiatrist, who referred me on to one of the UK's top psychiatrists, I kid you not. I got most of my info from Sam Vaknin's site in those days because alternative sources were not readily available - I made a great many cyber buddies on Suite 101 and we helped each other through, and I was very grateful for the information and support. My psychiatrist did not have a clue, even though I told her what had happened. - the narc was a shop keeper and her suggestion was to make the effort to go into the shop to buy something as by seeing him I would be able to confront the issue and deal with it (rather like a phobic's gradual exposure to spiders). I did as she suggested and needless to say the whole thing started up again (N Dipping it was called in those days). It took me a long, long time to get over it, without any real help, About eighteen months along the line (as you say) I woke up one morning and experienced a real sense of peace - and I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was over him. I see him rarely now and he has absolutely no effect on me at all - in fact I can truly say that I cannot see what I ever saw in him.

The latest man was totally different, apart from a few "off" remarks now and then. I thought it strange that he appeared to want a commitment quite early on, but whenever I wanted to talk about it later, he would refuse to discuss it and change the subject. It was only towards the end that the mask of pleasantness dropped and he became insulting and criticizing and belittling. Needless to say I began to feel ill again. It is now almost four months since I last spoke to him. I still have bad days and good days and most days are a mixture of the two, but I know with time and non-contact I will get over it - with or without therapy.

I agree with you about the 18 month timeline - I feel it would not be fair to inflict the mess that I am on another person. Who knows - there may never be another person - I am no spring chicken, but I am beginning to realise that I am better off on my own than with someone constantly putting me down. As someone said to me "pain at the end" or "pain without end". Some people are lucky enough to get through life without ever meeting a narc. I can't believe that TWO came into my life!!

Rosy P