Ive learnt a few things .....

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#1 Jul 31 - 5AM
confused123
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Ive learnt a few things .....

Hi again everyone ,

So ive a had a few days no contact from my narcissist ex , however i have recieved texts from him - especially one day when i was taking my son out with a male friend and his daughter , even added "love you xx" at the end of them , although i massively wanted to respond i took into account what members have said and done here from thier experiences and didnt. But over the last few days ive realised a few things which were clouded when i was in a "relationship" with him .... and wanted to share ...

Ive realised looking back , that this man has never been able to nail a healthy adult relationship due to his own self centred interests. New years eve his mother was talking about his ex from about ten years ago and cackled as she said "she wanted to move in with you didnt she son" ... i was quite alarmed at how she thought it was funny that person who was unable to show commitment and selfish tendancies towards a girl who was in love with him very strange .... Anyway , she left him and never spoke to him again apparantly ...

It seems his next serious relationship with me , and looking back he roped me in by pretending to be a man that wanted a healthy give and take relationship , my ideal man - with the underlying idea to wait untill i fell in love with him , net me , and manipulate me into accepting a relationship that he was going to mould into something he wanted ...

He never wanted commitment , however fed the line constantly - "i just need time" , then in the next breath - "i could do this long distance relationship forever" (one weekend , once a fortnight) - yet at the sametime , he kept me sweet with gifts and his love , how amazing a person i am ... and made me dependant on that ... aswell as giving false hope he would change .... I now know i dont think he had any intention of changing , this is the relationship HE wanted and he would try any tactic possible to maintain it .... when the pressure was on him by me to start thinking about future plans after 2 years together , thats when the arguements started , he was never wrong , this is him and he wasnt going to change , i had to accept this was him and thats the way he liked it .... but at the time i was already roped in , and thats when i began to question there was something wrong with me after having reiterated constantly to me how amazing he is to me , how great he is compared to my ex's , the things hes bought me , the places he has taken me .....

I now think our whole relationship was based on sex and bed buddies ... I think deep down he knows he could never nail a healthy relationship and preyed on someone soft natured like myself to provide the relationship he wanted ... ive also realised i could have stopped this sex based relationship a year ago when we broke up , rather than accepting as little as bed buddies - and all because i craved for him .... i could have disarmed him then and told him NO .. and stopped my self esteem and respect diminishing then , as well as false hope ... i think the breakup's happened each time i questioned our future as a committed couple , TOGETHER , and it was his tactic of wearing down my resolve for thinking and wanting differently to what he did ... in hindsight , a very cruel and emotionally abusive thing to do to someone who loved him and supported him no end ... i think our bed buddie episode last year was his way of confirming again that he had trapped me back into a relationship under his terms .. and we ended up back together , and when we did get back together i now have a harrowing echoe of something which he MAY have been thinking - which is "and let that be a lesson to you if you ever try and disturb my way of life again" .... i just wanted to share that with you and what i have realised so far , C xxx

Aug 2 - 5PM
insectt (not verified)
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confused123

yeah. that's the same story as mine and most everyone else's here to some degree. i still live with my N for the moment. he is seeing someone new and she is supposed to be 'the one' and he is going to have a 'one on one' realtionship with her and try 'going steady' for a while and start things 'new'. It's weird because we live together and we don't even talk anymore, even to say 'hi' because he doesn't want me to 'mess it up with the new girl and throw him under the bus.' i asked him, that if he was going to change, why wouldn't he do it for his six month old son and his ex. he said it wouldn't work out with his ex because 'she is too controlling'. i said 'that's because you have lied and cheated on her and she is going crazy trying to save her family.' that's funny, if she was so horrible to be with, he didn't break it off with his ex UNTIL he met the new girl....... I beleive he has just tailored his methods, by being supposedly monogomous, to the new girl to secure her love. Once she starts pressuring for more, we will see how much 'changing' he really will do.....mine has never had a healthy relationship, either. the new girl has a small child. he has an infant. after the honeymoon phase is over (they have only been dating two months now) and 'real life' sets in i can GUARANTEE he cannot change is self centeredness to create successful in a blended family. "Ive realised looking back , that this man has never been able to nail a healthy adult relationship due to his own self centred interests" -correct! like we read so much now..."the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior" but hopefully i will be moved out by then and i won't get to see anything!
Aug 2 - 2PM
Carolyn
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His mother was giving you a

His mother was giving you a warning. I think there is always a bell ringing in the background but we don't want to think the bell is tolling for us. I had a man who had served in the army with my ex-warn my father two days before our wedding. If I had canceled the wedding which would have been a major undertaking as it was a big one-I would have saved myself 6 years of misery and being used. It just wasn't in the cards. You are free and have a lot of great life and fun in front of you and one bad guy left in the dust. He will never have what you are capable of having.
Jul 31 - 6AM
confused123
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I also noticed from his

I also noticed from his texts the otherday , that the more i have a social life , the more he keeps saying in texts - Yeah! give it to em girl! or "oh why dont you like this bloke" , "oh from what youve told me before he sounds a good catch" , "oh whats the reasons for you not going further with him" .... then in the next breath - "oh im going out with the lads - im on a rampage on the pull!" etc etc .... I didnt even respond because ive figured hes expecting me to say "im not going to jump straight into another relationship as im still healing from ours" ... as i would have done before , i didnt respond to his questions as to whys - and thats why i think he was trying to provoke with "going out on the pull with his mates" texts after no communication back ..... am i right? x