justwantpeace's story

osted Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:23

Im sitting here reading and feel others are talking about the man I married. Right now he is withdrawn from me and Im starting to feel lucky at that. I dont even know where to begin and have so many questions I want to ask.

I have been with my stbx for 20years now. We have a wonderful teenage son. It started out great in the beginning, i came from a broken home and had a horrible childhood. It was like he was everything I wanted. It was to good to be true. he seemed to just absolutely adore me and our child. His friends would even say you are all he talks about.

Then I started working 2 jobs to put him thru college. At first he didnt seem to mind. Not long ago he admitted he enjoyed me being gone. Then the blame started that I abandoned him in his own home. He used suicide ploys to keep me in our relationship. He had an affair and tried to justify it as a friendship and she kept him from committing suicide. Now she broke things off because her job got threatened. He wanted us both and I see now why. I was his back up plan for his need. Then he was told to leave if he couldnt give her up. We tried several false reconciliations and she was always in the background. She has issues to. She reminded him of me and told her this, said we had alot of the same mannerisms. he actually came clean that he had the affair, no details. now he says he was just telling me what i wanted to hear. I guess he forgot all the stuff that he said to me and how he must love her.

He always seemed larger than life and at times it was hard to reason with him. Things had to be a certain way. He loves himself. He cant walk by a mirror without looking at himself. He has always been a huge flirt. Always about what he wanted in bed. He says that everything is my fault. I keep our child from him. I look back and he has never been very intimate with me unless he wanted something. After sex he would get up and go do something or watch tv. He is very self absorbed. Oh when he tried the suicide ploy and ended up in a mental facility for the weekend. everyone came to see him and i can look back and see how he loved the attention. it was all about him. im seeing right now im lucky he is withdrawn.

I have been having anxiety issues. I have knots in my stomach at the thought of him calling me. i have had family and friends tell me i was obsessing. I felt i was doing everything i could to keep him away and avoiding something happening. It got so bad that i was second guessing myself over everything. I thought if i had done something different we wouldnt be in this. I would panic at the thought of him coming to the house. i was told i wasnt the only one to ever get a divorce. i was told its time just move on and get over it.

i look back now and see how everytime i would catch him he would seem to be up at arms trying to get out of trouble. he was doing everything he could to hang onto me and the other woman. he says in one breath that he is so sorry he wasnt strong enough to hold things together and the next breath is mad that i want no contact or advised to stay away from him. he really had me going. he filed for divorce and then did nothing. he was playing me. he watched fireproof, did things around the house, saying there is always hope. then i found out the other woman was still there and started pushing the divorce thru. he got mad at this. at first i fought to stay in our marriage now i feel im fighting to get out. he says if i hadnt really wanted this i wouldnt have let things go this far. he is furious that we are going to trial. at the first mediation he had the mediator feeling sorry for him. my lawyer said normally she is good but we ended up getting up and leaving.

I have really new to this and have alot of reading to do. i have so much going thru my mind. Im wondering how did i let this happen? how did this happen to me? How do i protect my child. he is using our child, its the only hold he has on me. He is trying to get more time. he even told sons therapist he wanted to know about everything including punishment and if it needed to be carried over to his time. is he for real. he doesnt like to hear me having a good time without him. he doesnt like me getting any attention and says people are stabbing him in the back by telling me stuff. he doesnt care if it hurts me, he only cares that someone said something bad about him.

i want to know where do i start removing him and how to get over him.