confused123's story

Hi there ! I think ive discovered today after much confusion, heartache and sadness, what the heck is going on with my now EX !

I met him 2 years ago - he was EVERYTHING i wanted in a man, I met him on an internet forum and we hit it off instantly ! at the time , i didnt know he was making plans with a girl in Australia to meet up and go on holiday in a years time - I noticed them flirting a lot online and questioned it , and he said nothing was going on - they were just flirting when he was single and shes a bit obsessed …. so ok, i dismissed it!

Feb on this forum she attacked me for being with him basically! I had no clue!! He hadnt told her he was seeing me and the plans they made had gone down the drain … i didnt find this out until all became revealed and he had told a lie! …..

So when we met online - he was EVERYTHING i envisioned - we chatted he said he wanted kids in the future , what his definition of being in love was , and it was my image too !! …. 2 months down the line , i had already fallen totally in love with this man - he dropped the bombshell on me that he doesnt think he could see me and him committed because he wouldnt be able to accept my son , its too much , but he loves what we have (Long distance, once a fortnight) and could do this forever …. so of course i wasnt happy , i felt reeled in , and as soon as i let my barriers down that he dropped it on me ! …. So of course i hoped he would change down the line , and we could stay as we were for a while - dating ….

He then tells me a month after he has a child which he has never seen, he was tricked into a pregnancy - and he ran whilst she was preg and this was the reason he couldnt accept my son …. i loved this man unconditionally and accepted what he had told me, even though i didnt agree with what he had done, being a loving mother myself !!!

i hoped again we could work on these issues , and i suggested counseling ?? He said we will see, and has never bothered , and i dont think has any intention of doing !! …..

his dad also died when he was 13, he looked after his mother when he died, and she admitted to me new years eve that no one was ever there for him - she was so in love everyone that looked after her!! she too said he needed counseling - what is weird though, is she only admits this in front of me ??

I was once there at her house and when i was sat next to him whilst he was worrying about his job, whether he would work abroad - i was 18 months into a relationship with him , and its like i never existed even though i was sat there!!! … hes there at her every whim - she lives on a “bad” estate apparently, and rings him if there is a fire across the road for example! hes there in an instant stressed, and even though he has offered her to move into his until she gets a move she wont!! yet he stayed there for a week the other week and said there was no problems whilst she was away??? ….

also, she never encourages him to pursue a relationship , and i was apparently “the love of his life” … as soon as theres a bump in the road, she tells him to be friends with me ….

Anyway, the main traits i had had this year with this background info - he wants a long distance relationships forever and have felt hes dangling me, he cant accept my son - we were bed buddies at some point last year when we broke up for 2 months - when we broke up i started to move on, as soon as i did he told me he was in love with me and wanted to do more stuff with me and my son - quality time - we got back together but still said he couldnt be committed and it was too tough

everytime i defend myself and try to communicate our relationship im told im attacking and battering him - he told me being around my son makes him physically sick - i went through a traumatic experience with my son this year , and he said it was too much to emotionally handle - his little mind cant take it in (sometimes he talks like a baby and hes 37 !!!!) - he continually asks me why is it only me who has a problem with the way he is - and my response is because your friends are not as intimate as me, and dont expect the same sort of love!! - he responds, oh yeah! i must be mental then! your psychology degree is really paying off huh? I say to him i dont have a degree on HIM! i tell him how I feel and EVERYTHING goes back to him! and how he feels, “the poor me’s” - i felt totally emotionally isolated … that is the major stuff of our relationship …

lastly, we broke up 4 weeks ago - because he had arranged to see his friends in scotland without inviting me and keeping it secret for 6 weeks! I saw his friend counting down on msn and wondered if he had been making me out to be bad to her for wanting more out the relationship and i hadnt been invited!! I was Hurt! …. he cried all week when i was asking for the truth, and i think its because he didnt get away with lying,

im a bright person!! … he told me i was attacking again and broke us up … he said he was taking time out and turning his phone off - my friends said he HAD a new number … however his walking away lasted a day and he was texting every 24 hours swapping Sims it looks like - he still hasnt admitted a new sim card!

he says he wants us to be friends, which i agreed to - and vry hard i might add, because HE keeps constantly telling me to move on when im trying, yet can get nasty and laugh psychotically down the phone at me when i get upset about something or defend myself from his verbal abuse at times!! he tells me i was a massive part of his life, but he enjoys being on his own more, says i battered him and attacked him for 2 years!! So why does he want me in his life as a friend??

i tell him im going off doing my own stuff, and he gets defensive and tries to act hes pleased for me - but at the same time acts peed off! Is he a narcissist?? I have been over and over his selfishness the last 3 weeks and think i may understand now! I also feel him and his mum’s closeness is almost unhealthy! … i always felt second best … help i dont know what to do anymore regarding contact as he continually says even now the relationship ended coz it wasnt right for him - yet i did everything a GF could?? love etc and loyalty??

His mum still does his washing for him as he lives in a flat, and one time she said she had a dream she was dying, and all she could think when she woke up was who will do his washing!!! he also said to me one time when we were talking about our future - when his mam goes it will be a lonely life and it doesnt seem nice being alone ….. he also asked me to move closer to him new years eve …. which i was thrilled about considering his issues!! … a week later he said well is it a good idea? we may not stay together?? …. i said to him thanks for the optimism! …. i got told off for attacking … again !!! …

lastly the other week , he told me i was obsessed! even though its him who reads MY social networking sites! … when were talking as mates too, he always says to me when we are talking about our previous relationship , that i want to get back together and havent accepted !!! I dont even incline that !! is he enjoying this ? He says things like - i showed you great opportunities such as taking me abroad to concerts (even though i was doing that before i met him) ... compares himself against my Son's father - who was a loser, and tries to convince me how amazing he was compared to him

he also drills into me " when IM working, i will understand how hard it is working a 40 hour week and needed HIS own time at the weekends... errrr hello?? i used to do 5am starts as a single mother and also completed a degree as a single mum whilst with him?? i know what hard work is!!... is he a narcissist??

I also notice the more i back off the more he is in touch, as a "friend"