better off's story

Dear better off.. did you mean your family were killed??? I am devastated for you on just that one line and he told you what? 'not to let that stuff bother you???' Thats is very scary and deeply unsettling. How cold can these N's be??? Sadly these guys do see any type of illness or mental difficulty as a weakness. The weakness they deny in themselves usually. In there minds they are super human or at least they are terrified of dealing with there mortality ket alone someone else's issues... I have heard that line about how they cant handle your problems million times in my own life. I would say that the less you are healthy and well, which is likely to manifest from being around this person the more he will come to deplete your energy and he will despise that weakness in you. its a self perpetuating cycle of destruction. And believe me, most of the chaps we ladies are all talking about in here, really are definitely not 'all evil' all of the time. My N can cook me food, clean my house, take care of his boy and tell me how he as done x and y on top, to help me while I was resting... I will think I have got him all wrong before BAM... he drops it on you and you feel even more shell shocked because you have been lulled back into a false sense of security... My N has even bought me really expensive items that he knows are things I could never imagine owning in all my life... such a piano that I wanted all my life. My friends and my family and his family especially think he is very kind and supportive. They fail to see how draining the tossing and frowing can be... Thats what gives them the power to control you. Because you hang on to the hope that they are really that lovely kind person they present and that you are the crazy one who or even the one that can support them to be the happiest side of themselves. But as far as I can see these guys just don't have the capacity to be 'authentic'... I have no idea if it is a defect form birth, a major stressful event in there lives or a dysfunctional childhood -period... But they have 'blackholes' in there brains or more over under developed emotional brains. This is most likely due to the left side of the brain having to over compensate somewhere along the line but I think it means that these guys are way beyond change and they can only equate the times of kindness to securing there own needs which is you... a source of secure constant attention.. So the nice guy/nasty guy has nothing to do with that he has a nice side really, its just a process that they must go through to secure your attention. Its cut and dried yes... but I think its pretty accurate... And if he has learnt that people only say I love you.. if you 'behave' then no wonder he is treating you in the same way. Its crazy what will trigger these N's... God bless you and find help. Get therapy or counseling or something because those meds will only take you so far in your own head but they wont stop him messing with your head and no meds can help you with that.. Its brain chemistry, the more he robs you of your energy and steals your serotonin with induced stress the more you need 'fake chemicals' .. meds, to top you up, but ultimately your body needs you functioning by your self, free of drugs and free of this draining dangerous relationship to flourish and fly. I know this too and thats why we have to get free of the pain and learn to love ourselves most of all. You can do it.. we all can... x Be strong and find some proper help from somehwere... V x

Hi betteroff, Can you tell us a bit about the story of how you met etc etc and the things that happened during the relationship that brought you here. Ta