Lisa E. Scott

now what am i left with

now what am i left with
Posted Sat, 07/11/2009 - 16:36

thank you Carolyn for that sound advise, I have been told that, stay away from that fish pond people in his position have alot of power and on top of that he is narcisstic/poss psychopath even more dangerous. so here is what I am left with, I have been married thru all this, I am 51, we met up again after 20 some years at both my parents funeral, they passed away 4 months apart, I knew him since we were small, 2nd cousins but wait wait we were both adopted so dont judge me to harshly on that, my mother always told me he was such a nice guy, ha ha she is better off never knowing just how nice he was. So i have been in an abusive marriage for many many years all verbal abuse and this man comes into my life, oh my god, we have so much in common, he adored my parents, we have the same history, etc and bla bla bla bullcrap bla oh you should have heard how wonderful it sounded, and he and his girlfriend really werent going anywhere .... I made the mistake of telling him my marriage had been rough but I didnt think for one moment he was who he was, I thought he genuinely wanted to help me knowing my family and all - so it was a dream come true, until he showed me the ugly side but I have to hand it to him he kept it up for a good 6 months until he had me hooked and had me so deeply in love. Now I am left still married to the abusive husband but more than ever this man did show me just how miserable I have been in my marriage, I was sooo hungry to be loved and treated the right way that I feel for it hook line and sinker, I have NEVER NEVER strayed but I thought hey here was my chance at a better life ya right, I think I will probably divorce my husband, (NO HE NEVER KNEW AND MY COUNSELOR ADVISED TO KEEP IT THAT WAY) I feel no love for my husband he does not see his abusive ways as much as I have begged him to stop his drinking and awful behavior, so ya my dream went to shit and I am left with yet another hurdle to overcome, its been a real treat but in the end I DID learn the whys

‹ Son in counseling...Barbara Narcissists suck ›

I am new and posted for the

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 22:25 — gettin_thru

I am new and posted for the first time today. I want to say how much this site has helped me in the last three months when I broke up with my N fiance. I found out he was cheating with with EXW (who is also a N, cheater, and has another PD). If it hadn't been for counseling, I would never have understood all I do in such a few short months. She told me he was a N. When I met my exnf, I was in the middle of a divorce. My exnf targeted me. My ExH had N traits, he drank a lot, and was emotionally abusive at times. I would ask him to stop drinking to no avail. He then had an exit affair and, as the name implies, he was gone. We never talked about any unhappiness, so it was a shock to all. I had to take care of everything, the divorce, the house... A few months after my divorce was final, I was engaged to my N. Ours was the fairy-tale romance. I had also confided in him about problems in my marriage. When I found out he was still sleeping with his ex from comments she made to me, even when he had denied it in the past, I was devastated. I take things day by day now. Some days are better than others. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. The pain was greater than my divorce of all things. It is hard to accept the loss of the dream, the children and family my exnf and I talked about... I want to thank all of you for your insightful posts and for sharing your experiences and wisdom. I would come here just to read and feel so much better. If I told my complete story with my exnf here it would take pages. I am now concentrating on knowing myself and taking care of myself, so this doesn't happen again.

I wonder

Sat, 07/11/2009 - 17:20 — James

Cindy,

I often wonder if this is the type of people they look for. What I mean is those in bad marriages insomuch that this relationship needs healing and help to repair if possible? Is this some kind of “green light” for them? One member Barbara too had a very abusive relationship with her ex husband before being targeted from her abuser. How many others here are targeted in the same manner? I am so sorry to hear about your situation but whom of those here couldn't be taken in when they live a life filled with abuse and no love? Like our Lord and Savior said: "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone”. I hope your and yours find healing understanding and compassion. Good luck!

John: 8: 4-11

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

cindy

Sat, 07/11/2009 - 17:42 — Barbara (not verified)

as James said - you might want to read my story. VERY similar:

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/16/barbaras-story

Remember: PREDATORS ALWAYS HUNT THE WOUNDED!

Predators always hunt the wounded.

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 17:55 — free2bme

Not always... Don't loose sight of the fact that an " All about him "... kind'a guy just simply breaks down to that... It's all about HIM and what he wants. If he wants to be in the limelight he may attach himself to a strong and motavated kind'a gal who will work hard to get to where she is going not realizing that he is just along for the ride. When he gets there he no longer needs her services because it was about getting there to him. I think sometimes people who think they understand a narcissistic person forgets THAT all about HIM isn't just about preying on the weak, feeble or unloved people of this world... They simply just don't care who it is... It's about what they want and not every narcissistic person goes for the under dog. Remember: They are MaStEr mannipulators... Masters of disquise they can be anything to anyone to the point that they have been known to fool even the EXPERTS, the counselors and Doctor's so don't under estimate yourself. They and remember the word THEY have the problem so quit beating yourself up. Sometimes even Dr. Phil would of been fooled if he met your np under the same circcumstances as you did! Remember... A Hunter is a Hunter... sometimes it's easier and less time consuming to go for something weaker just for the catch to PROVE he could but a TROPHY Hunter goes for the Hardest most difficult catch of all... The stronger of the pack if it makes the hunt more challenging for them and makes the hunt all the more exciting. Stand strong folks cus even if your standing alone right now you have made some RIGHT choices and you are still STANDING!!! Hats off to you and incase nobody ever told you... You should be PROUD of you!!!

Predators always hunt the wounded.

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 21:29 — Mar1e101

I believe that this is true, I am wounded. I am so glad you shared this, cause I really felt like I was the one who was to blame for everything. Even while in grief, I was made to feel like I got slashed with a deeper wound, it is so hard to listen to him talk about himself and only him when your trying so hard to think of the loss of a family member. When your think and feel the pain for the young man who died, his mother and his little brothers and sisters...I am standing alone right now, thank you, I should be proud of me. I got tears, thanks so much.

Tears do heal...

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 21:44 — James

Mar1e101

Depending on the amount of time whenever we begin to understand what is happening with us it can and is a time when this pain and hurt is so close to our heart. Not really understanding all that pain which you are having at this time I can only hope that you will reach out for support from those who you trust. It's best if they are trusted family members or anyone you feel you can go too. If you have a belief in God, this is a good time to reconnect with your belief system if not then others who know you and care so deeply for you will come to your aid if asked..

I hope you understand you aren't alone for there is always someone out there for all of us if only we try to reach out for help and understanding...

I sometimes read this poem when I am at my lowest.. I hope it helps you..

http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php

PS: if you have speakers there is sound as well on this site, that sound help me as well..

can't agree

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 17:56 — webadmin

there is always something a bit WOUNDED about every single victim.

N/P parents or siblings
N/P boss
divorce
disability
bad break up
rough living conditions

it only takes a teeny chink in the chain.

BTW - Dr. Phil used to be flat broke and lived in a tiny house with his wife & kids in Texas... and on public assistance. So he's wounded too.

Agree with Barbara

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 19:36 — finallydone

I was ending a marriage and was very wounded when HE showed up and he had been a friend of ours out in Los Angeles so he knew us both... but always said he had been really attracted to me. Funny how he came to visit from his mom's in Cincy when we were back in Indy when he heard things might be a little shakey with my marriage.

He would also talk about how he was "the best thing that ever happened to me" when in truth it's the other way around. So yes... we're strong women which makes us attractive... but they know we're easier to fool when the chips are down and we most need the attention or soothing or loving or our own ego boost. I think that's how the fool us to begin with... looking like our savior compared to what we've been dealing with... whatever it was.

"The best thing that ever

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 19:57 — grossot

"The best thing that ever happened to you!"????? WT...?

They think this kind of talk is normal and acceptable. The best thing that ever happened to you, dear, is NC with him.

Puke!

I used to say to my N in an endearing way "I don't deserve you honey". He'd say "yes you do". As serious as he could be! That should have been my first clue!

Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o)
nolongercontrolled

Really?

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 18:55 — James

webadmin,

Thanks for sharing that information on Dr. Phil, I didn't know that. Not really a big fan of Dr. Phil books or show but he does try to help others and on these issues and other plus all the help one can get the better.

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

Dr. Phil

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 20:07 — Barbara (not verified)

Dr. Phil is a big blowhard, IMHO

I have seen SOOOO many Ns and Ps on his show and he tries to do MARRIAGE COUNSELING and won't NAME the disorder!!! And he no longer has a license to practice as far as I know.

http://www.allphil.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Yep

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 18:10 — Amy

In my case, I was ending an abusive marriage when I met the exnbf. He often said "no one has ever treated you as well as I do". Yeah right.

AND - my first serious high school boyfriend was a complete N! Like the worst kind patholigically speaking. I had just moved to a new town because my parents were divorced and my mother and I were not getting along either.

Targeted both times....