Lisa E. Scott

How to appear indifferent?

How to appear indifferent?
Posted Wed, 07/08/2009 - 16:19

Hello, this is the first time I am writing on this board and I am in need of some help. To make a long story short: i realized my ex had many N qualities, couldnt take it anymore, broke up with my ex four months ago, we dragged it out and I finally instituted a NO contact policy two weeks ago. I feel good and am ready to move on with my life. Our relationship was long distance the whole time and he is moving back to my city by the end of the summer and I KNOW he will come to see me.
I have always heard that indifference is what the N cannot take- so my question is, how do I appear indifferent when I see him? Do I say hello, smile, engage in brief conversation and then be along my way or do I refuse to hear him out at all? Thanks to all of you.

‹ Narcissists suck When your NO contact hints do not stick with him. ›

Trueblue

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 09:48 — Marie

If you don't have kids together there is no reason you have to see him ever again. You've broken up and are moving on with your life, that's it. Do not respond to email, calls and if at all possible don't listen or read anything sent, it will be loaded with lies. He will say and do anything to reel you in and slam you back down.

Write down all the reasons you broke up with him and how he made you feel. Refer back to it if you get stuck back in touch with him so you can remember how it really was for you. Whatever happened you are only in for more of the same or worse.

Jenn said it best Ns can't stand to see you happy, mine was that way. If I was happy he would try to find the negative side of everything and anything to bring me back down. So always be happy, happy, happy if ever confronted with him but don't contact him to tell him you are happier without him.

the best is not to see him

Sat, 07/11/2009 - 13:27 — Carolyn

the best is not to see him at all but if you do look sad and tell him, "people were right you were too good for me" they like that. Don't laugh that gives it away.

...

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 22:18 — jenn99 (not verified)

it's better to not put on a facade or show...happiness is what the N can't take...to know taht you're happy and doing ok...and glad without him...and moving on in your life...being friendly cheery or yourself is the best way to work...they hate when others are happy or doing well and will do anything to bring them down...

Barbara's right, NO CONTACT

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 20:58 — devoured_soul

Barbara's right, NO CONTACT is best. You have to "feel" indifference to convey it to a Narc...otherwise they get IN because you still have "feelings" and they KNOW that and can manipulate like the devil. Realize the "feelings" come from the image he falsely projected in the beginning and in no way TRULY reflect how you feel now about the person he ended up being (which he was all along!!). It's like you have to look at it from the outside in. If your little sister was telling you she's gone thru what you've experienced, you'd hate the MF!!! So if you don't really feel the indifference cuz you don't feel it yet (it's a process) then just think he did this to someone you care about ("little sister") and it will be easy to feel and then portray to him. I realize sometimes they just show up. You may be all for the no contact rule but he may pop in somewhere you are or you may run into him somewhere. You won't be smiling if you think about "little sister." AND SHE'S YOU!!!!!

indifference

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 16:26 — Barbara (not verified)

NO CONTACT.

Act & respond like a robot.

ZERO emotional questions or responses. Business only.

NO CONTACT ASAP.

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Question

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 08:30 — trueblue101

If I act like a robot, wont he see right through that and know that I am only doing it because he still has a hold over me?

If you act like a robot you

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 09:55 — Scoop

If you act like a robot you give him nothing to play with . I am reminded of my friend who had just been dumped by some freak and she was going to a party which she knew he was there and we spent an evening practising her "look" we got it down to the best of 3 look A,B,C. In the morning i called her to see how it went and what look she went with , it was look A which was a beautie ! and he didnt go near her all night !
peru x