Do Looks Matter To An N?

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#1 Jul 8 - 5PM
Bittersweet
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Do Looks Matter To An N?

Do looks matter to an N? I am just curious because I think my N has definitely dated less attractive women..and is it all about feeding their ego? If there is a less attractive women giving them admiration, adoration and is passive, will an N prey on her like anyone else?

Also, my N always mentioned how ugly my Ex's were...he would always comment, but in reality I think he was less attractive, is that an N characteristic?

Nov 11 - 9PM
Ruby
Ruby's picture

We got to know each other via

Nov 11 - 9PM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

Sure. With my narc he liked

Nov 11 - 6PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

As others

Nov 11 - 4PM
Janie53
Janie53's picture

Narcs and looks

Nov 10 - 8AM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

glad this post was circulated again after 3

Nov 10 - 7AM
Deidre99
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I think that narcs will

Nov 10 - 6AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Another oldie but goldie

Sep 2 - 5PM
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

I will let you in on something re: that subject

My NARC was a dealer at one point, a small dealer just dealing to the general lowlifes he was hanging out with, so he could keep a supply of his "candy", so to speak. One day he came home and made a comment that i should'nt speak with a certain girl if she were to call. Since that didn't sound like his usual "love everyone" attitude, I countered with "Because......?" He said "you never know, she's such a dope fiend, she might just try to tell you she blew me because she owes me money". Hmmmm....weird.... Whats even weirder, is this girl - although really sweet and with a tragic past - is wrecked looking and has NO TEETH, and he used to make comments to her ghastly appearence. That indicates to me that YES, they will "do" anyone (except their wives and GFs of course) and it's all about control, both in the "doing" and "withholding". lml

LML

Sep 2 - 3PM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

Not really

If there is a "look" that matters - it may be specific characteristics (long dark hair, or something like that.) I don't think they are looking to be with a great beauty. They are looking for vulnerable caring good people.
Sep 2 - 2PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

Not in my experience!

My ex-N always says that looks don't matter! What does seem to matter is VULNERABILITY. My ex seeks vulnerable women who have been groomed by an N parent to take abuse of some form. I have noticed that all the victims are slightly insecure, maybe have weight issues, but appear to be good, stable, loving women. SICKO.
Sep 2 - 2PM (Reply to #25)
Used
Used's picture

herlatestvictim

my n targeted vunlnrable women,and were they,! they all had mental health issue,s, i believe one if his ex,s was the only one, who didnt have mhi, but when he met her she had just come out of a relationship, that the man had finished, he lived with her, once it was finished she wouldnt aknowledge him, when he attempted to say hi, she sent for the police.all the others were vulnerable, i said to him does it make you feel superior, it shouldnt, , n,s are weak useless people and they cant handle someone strong. i know a n,women and relized eventually, that she would stop talking to someone if she relized they were strong. they are spiteful bullies.i gave both of them a run for there money, the main thing i felt in there company was drained, and if i get this in any body now i dont bother talking again. they also play people against each other. they shouldnt exsist.
Sep 2 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

looks

I have absolutely no idea what mine thought of my looks. When I met him I was defnitely a lot prettier and thinner and of course, happy and engaging. I have seen him pracitcally unscrew his head to stare all kinds of women. Some gorgeous, but other times it was odd. I remember one time we were driving somewhere and he was staring at this woman walking on the street. She was the plainest girl you could imagine, probably 45, walking home from the train after work, with a frumpy coat on and some flats, her purse and a shopping bag. Any one of a million nondescript women. He watched her from behind, then craned his neck to look at her as we drove by, then when he saw me looking at him like, WTF? he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know, honey." So freaking bizarre. He used to do this all the time. I told him once he was going to get punched someday staring at people that way. I always asked, "What? Do you think you know her? Him?" Nope. Just looking. The one woman I ever met of his (the one who came looking for him when we were at my place) was also very plain--tall, long straight blonde hair, a twinset and walking shorts, flats, little makeup. I have no idea what the others look like, and never will, I'm sure. The photo of his ex fiancee which he had in his house showed a very plain woman, too, and well worn, but it was taken after they broke up, so he had tortured her for ten years already when the photo was taken. She may have been gorgeous at one time. I think they are attracted to beautiful women and try to get them, like everyone else does, but I think they also have the ability to hone in on perserverence, kindness, patience, matrnal instincts, trust--I think they are equally if not attracted to those things for obvious reasons, and I think they have the abilitiy to zero in on them, without even meeting, just by looking. I gained fifteen to twenty pounds during the time we were together, but he never made a comment about it. When Id say I was dieting, he'd say, "Oh, please." and push food and drinks on me. I just don't know. I think that might have been because he had already decided I was never going to be "on his arm" in public again, so it didn't matter. He'd rather have a drinking partner before nasty sex than an attractive lover.
Sep 1 - 9PM
Susan32
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Looked for ladies who looked... like him

The ex-Psych professor D&D'd me (and married, as well as impregnated) for a more masculine version of me. The OW wore a pants suit, and the both of them acted like siblings instead of lovers... which was bizarre. They even looked like fraternal twins. The ex-P went after female brunettes... because he was a brunette. He had short hair; he liked it when I was tomboyish and looked like his clone... but if I wore a hippie-style flowery dress, he looked confused&disappointed. He used to hang out with a plump female professor (she resembled Mama Cass Elliott) who wore dresses, go to her on-campus apartment and be there for hours... but they didn't end up together. I had thought they were boyfriend/girlfriend. One of my friends said "He's attracted to you because you look like a boy." He preferred hanging out with young men, to be their guru... but having female admirers gave him an appearance of being straight, being "normal." Sometimes he'd bash my looks... but that didn't really go far when I was openly dating guys (I couldn't get romantically involved with him b/c he was a professor) Apparently he voiced his displeasure about me dating... to his students. Okay, that crosses SO MANY LINES (TM) where do I start????
Sep 1 - 7PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

ugh

mine said to me during our seperation that i was 'too pretty, and it gave me a sense of entitlement'. He also said i was 'too young'. He said he 'wanted to find a plain woman, who worked a menial job and would be content to split the bill on a date because they would just be so happy to be on one'. Then, to egg him on, I said things like 'yeah, one with a few kids, huh'? then he said 'yeah, and one i don't like in particular that I can slap around some'. I just told myself that was his sense of humor and he didn't mean it. I don;t know if he did. I think he'll date plain women and treat them badly, and pretty women and treat them badly. It probably most depends on if they are as sick as he is.
Sep 2 - 9AM (Reply to #21)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Fierflie

No normal man would even joke about slapping around a woman. He did it to you and he meant it about his unfortunate future victim(s). I found that looks *do* matter if you're to be the visible trophy. If it's just supply the ex got the most worked up over the ones that were "slutty and cheap looking" (i.e. lesser than him). Strippers were big with him, like that's some kind of badge of his allure. All the better to degrade them more.
Sep 2 - 7AM (Reply to #20)
Used
Used's picture

looks

they go with anyone, they couldnt care less what she looks like, as long as she has a pulse, i said this to narc. he came on to a wonan of 74 once, who had learning difficulties, he went with a woman, once who he knew had hepititis c. thats why i used to get annoyed when he said i ws jealous of his women, how can you be jealous of a man like this who goes with anyone, when i told him, yes i would be jealous of a man who was choosy, cos then a woman means something to him, but a man who goes with anyone and is anybody, whats to be jealous of. what i told him was if he wanted to be seen with these skanks, fine, but i wouldnt be seen with him, as i didnt want to be judged on the COMPANY he kept. disuillusionaly bastard.
Apr 20 - 8AM
angela0714
angela0714's picture

a woman's looks

MY Ex-N had previous girlfriends that were not sll that attractive. But probably gave them the NS he needed constantly. His 1st wife was average in looks, his second beautiful(though now she looks like hell..probably from being married to him for 8 years), and I (please don't think I sound cocky) am very attractive as well. Basically, I think that if they can get intelligence, looks and NS at the same time, it's a plus. If not, anyone who is their cheerleader and slave to their GIANT EGOS will do. Am I right?
Sep 2 - 1AM (Reply to #17)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

Seriously,looks must not

Seriously,looks must not matter to a N...i just heard tonight that my N and his new girl(56yr old teri garr lookalike) have a dirtbike getaway planned for the weekend,the picture of that is priceless..the secretary he cheated w had yellow teeth and acne,w crazy scabs everywhere,another looked like a man w no eyebrows,i could go on..he once said to me,youre the prettiest insecure girl ive ever met...funny that was after 10yrs of him telling me how ugly I was.....they"ll put their dicks in anything,the best we can hope for is a painful case of herpes on thes idiots!
Sep 2 - 10AM (Reply to #18)
kiwi10
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sweetsam

thats pretty damn funny!! hahaha
Apr 20 - 1AM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I was just thinking this

I was just thinking this tonite after seeing a pic of Narc's new woman... she is not attractive at all... nothing like his previous OW.. she is also older ..where the OW were my age or younger. she is intelligent though based on her education. (he did say that he went after brains and not looks) I never believed that though... well until now. the new one must fill the void..plus she has two kids to help Narc with that as well. Feel so bad for the kids. Im also thinking maybe he choose her because she isnt attractive... he had this odd view God was punishing him for having too much sex in the past(ive posted about this before on here)...so maybe if he isnt attracted to her..in his mind it will Keep God from punishing him??? Jessika- you said your Narc liked you to wear certain clothing...mine did too.. but he would dress like a slob..until I started to tell him what I thought he looked good wearing. hehehe. but this new woman...I cant picture her in a short skirt... or anything like how he liked to see me dress. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Apr 19 - 3PM
livewpsycobabble
livewpsycobabble's picture

Need

N's only see need. The need to fill their emptiness. Don't matter if they are tall, short, slim, heavy, pretty, not so pretty. They fill their need. Just Darn Sad! For them its like oxygen! Nothing more...something to keep them alive.
Apr 19 - 2PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

looks

My XN was all about looks and if his neck could turn around like the Linda Blair on Exorcist, he would have a great 360 degree day checking out all the women. He had a beautiful body but takes steroids and eats very clean. He's somewhat good-looking but the last time I had seen him, I didn't find him attractive at all. He's so ugly on the inside and to me-that affects his looks. He told me he loved women with long dark hair, big boobs with an athletic build...which describes me but all the ex's I had seen were of blonde, long hair, with skinny bodies. He said as long as her face is pretty and she isn't fat then he'd consider her. I think, it doesn't matter how the woman looks to my XN, just as long as she has something to offer him, be it sex, money, status etc. After our numerous break-ups the last year, I'd ask him-did you date anyone during our break-up? And his answer would be the same every single time- " I told you, why would I go for ground beef when I can have filet mignon?' Yes- I was considered meat he could devour!! I truly hate these type of low-life's
Apr 19 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

I just saw what the new/ow

I just saw what the new/ow looks like. He has been talking to her the whole time as me and I just couldn't believe it. It has to be true that a cerebral really doesn't care what they look like. He hasn't met her yet so he must just jackoff to her voice while looking at porn. She is really smart though and attended Howard and Harvard University...she is also in the music business and I'm sure that's the whole reason he talks to her, he's hoping she will help him in the biz. I know it doesn't matter because it's not like he really likes/loves her and I know he is just using fake guy and all his charm but it still upsets me. I would message her and tell her but she would never believe me and thus tell him, which would then initiate a smear fest of me by him. I am so happy that I know about him..but at the same time I am so sad but at the same time i am furious.
Apr 19 - 11AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

my ex N and looks....

He was always watching porn,music videos and liked a woman in high heels short skirts ...he said so but he also told me the mother of his children when he met her in the eighties she would wear tigh mini dresses,spanndex and he told her that she looked like a hooker triyng to get a john...me i told him i am not that type at all,i love nice stylish jeans nice shirt a feminin sportive look a bit of cleveage ,i really do pay attention to what i wear...and black dresses nice shoes and boots,i am European,feminine look....Italian Style...his children's mother nowadays was always in jeans,snickers and did't do anything on herself anymore...no wonder living with him and having to listen how he talks about other women....but in fact i really don't know what type he likes i know he didn't like ME,otherwise i wouldn't have been dumped by him....but onthe other side,after he dumped me and iwas in Tulsa for a visit,he asked me how much did the cab driver asked you for the ride to the supermarket....I said 10 dollars,and he said,wow that is not much but of course for a goodlooking woman lie you....what a heck!@#

Aceonelady

Apr 19 - 10AM
TygerTyger
TygerTyger's picture

The guy I was with

The guy I was with definitely had standards, according to his particular tastes. He was not into overweight women (his current online ad, yes...he's still out there...distinctly says NO overweight women) but.....he definitely was willing to bend if the woman had something to offer. ($$$ and ego boost). One of the exes, whom I know professionally, he talked about alot. This woman is no looker. Chunky and sort of buck toothed, but she is talented and makes good money. She bought him lots of goodies...took him on trips, did alot of art and worked on alot of projects for him. I cannot imagine him hanging around her unless there was this sort of payoff, and I still wonder if he had been faithful the whole time. He had even made a comment once that his friends felt he was way too attractive for her. I don't know..it all sounds like some creepy, juvenile mess to me.
Apr 19 - 9AM
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

looks

Mine was obsessed with certain look. He loved black hair in a bob haircut, not too thin (he likes a little meat especially in the rear), and a pretty face. He was really picky about clothes and shoes. He wanted me to dress in porn type fashion. I am a 42 year old mother of 2, I am not gonna dress like a teenager. I think he would have been embarrassed if I actually dressed the way he said he wanted me to, but he knew I would never dress that way, so it was perfect for him to put me down.
Jul 12 - 2AM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

She had a "MAN BACK" and wore "GRANNY PANTIES"!

My ex-N described one of HIS ex's as having a "man back" and wore "granny panties"....however he was STILL obsessed with trying to win her back. I know this because his ex-best friend (whom he "broke up" with via a viscous email) told me. This friend of his said that he did this with all his ex's....wanted them back after complaining about their bodies. I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I used to model lingerie and still could! He'll never get me back. neveragain
Jul 11 - 11PM
Marie
Marie's picture

we all look similar

Scarily enough the few women I know in his life all have similar features. We are all petite (he's a big guy 6'4") have long brown to red hair, same shaped eyes (though not always blue), big sunny smiles.
Jul 9 - 7AM
Bittersweet
Bittersweet's picture

Cerebral and Somatic

How do you tell if your N is Cerebral or Somatic?
Jul 8 - 10PM
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

is he cerebral or somatic?

is he cerebral or somatic? Mine was somatic so he wouldn't be caught dead with someone he did not find attractive. He thought his ex-wife was beautiful and he told me he thought I was beautiful (i'm a thin, 42 year old with blonde hair and blue eyes). Looks matter more to the somatic. If your N is somatic, he is all into HIS looks and will go for the same. My ex-N is an OC body builder, would rather die than lose a hair, had braces as a child and got them again in his early 40's, bleaches his teeth, tans, dyes his hair to cover the gray, LOVES to hear someone tell him he looks younger than his age, buys clothes from Buckle (he's 49) and drives a pimped out truck. This is all just my opinion based on my experience and the differences i've read about somatic and cerebral. My ex N also commented that I "traded up" when I met him but I think he is not as good looking in the face as alot of guys I've dated. But I would never tell him that, of course!!! He'd kill himself!!!