My NARC was a dealer at one point, a small dealer just dealing to the general lowlifes he was hanging out with, so he could keep a supply of his "candy", so to speak.

One day he came home and made a comment that i should'nt speak with a certain girl if she were to call. Since that didn't sound like his usual "love everyone" attitude, I countered with "Because......?"

He said "you never know, she's such a dope fiend, she might just try to tell you she blew me because she owes me money". Hmmmm....weird....

Whats even weirder, is this girl - although really sweet and with a tragic past - is wrecked looking and has NO TEETH, and he used to make comments to her ghastly appearence.

That indicates to me that YES, they will "do" anyone (except their wives and GFs of course) and it's all about control, both in the "doing" and "withholding".

lml

My ex-N always says that looks don't matter!

What does seem to matter is VULNERABILITY. My ex seeks vulnerable women who have been groomed by an N parent to take abuse of some form.

I have noticed that all the victims are slightly insecure, maybe have weight issues, but appear to be good, stable, loving women.

SICKO.

I have absolutely no idea what mine thought of my looks. When I met him I was defnitely a lot prettier and thinner and of course, happy and engaging.

I have seen him pracitcally unscrew his head to stare all kinds of women. Some gorgeous, but other times it was odd. I remember one time we were driving somewhere and he was staring at this woman walking on the street. She was the plainest girl you could imagine, probably 45, walking home from the train after work, with a frumpy coat on and some flats, her purse and a shopping bag. Any one of a million nondescript women. He watched her from behind, then craned his neck to look at her as we drove by, then when he saw me looking at him like, WTF? he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know, honey." So freaking bizarre. He used to do this all the time. I told him once he was going to get punched someday staring at people that way. I always asked, "What? Do you think you know her? Him?" Nope. Just looking.

The one woman I ever met of his (the one who came looking for him when we were at my place) was also very plain--tall, long straight blonde hair, a twinset and walking shorts, flats, little makeup. I have no idea what the others look like, and never will, I'm sure.

The photo of his ex fiancee which he had in his house showed a very plain woman, too, and well worn, but it was taken after they broke up, so he had tortured her for ten years already when the photo was taken. She may have been gorgeous at one time.

I think they are attracted to beautiful women and try to get them, like everyone else does, but I think they also have the ability to hone in on perserverence, kindness, patience, matrnal instincts, trust--I think they are equally if not attracted to those things for obvious reasons, and I think they have the abilitiy to zero in on them, without even meeting, just by looking.

I gained fifteen to twenty pounds during the time we were together, but he never made a comment about it. When Id say I was dieting, he'd say, "Oh, please." and push food and drinks on me. I just don't know. I think that might have been because he had already decided I was never going to be "on his arm" in public again, so it didn't matter. He'd rather have a drinking partner before nasty sex than an attractive lover.

mine said to me during our seperation that i was 'too pretty, and it gave me a sense of entitlement'. He also said i was 'too young'. He said he 'wanted to find a plain woman, who worked a menial job and would be content to split the bill on a date because they would just be so happy to be on one'. Then, to egg him on, I said things like 'yeah, one with a few kids, huh'? then he said 'yeah, and one i don't like in particular that I can slap around some'.
I just told myself that was his sense of humor and he didn't mean it. I don;t know if he did. I think he'll date plain women and treat them badly, and pretty women and treat them badly. It probably most depends on if they are as sick as he is.

I was just thinking this tonite after seeing a pic of Narc's new woman... she is not attractive at all... nothing like his previous OW.. she is also older ..where the OW were my age or younger.

she is intelligent though based on her education. (he did say that he went after brains and not looks) I never believed that though... well until now.

the new one must fill the void..plus she has two kids to help Narc with that as well. Feel so bad for the kids.

Im also thinking maybe he choose her because she isnt attractive... he had this odd view God was punishing him for having too much sex in the past(ive posted about this before on here)...so maybe if he isnt attracted to her..in his mind it will Keep God from punishing him???

Jessika- you said your Narc liked you to wear certain clothing...mine did too.. but he would dress like a slob..until I started to tell him what I thought he looked good wearing. hehehe. but this new woman...I cant picture her in a short skirt... or anything like how he liked to see me dress.

“It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”

My XN was all about looks and if his neck could turn around like the Linda Blair on Exorcist, he would have a great 360 degree day checking out all the women. He had a beautiful body but takes steroids and eats very clean. He's somewhat good-looking but the last time I had seen him, I didn't find him attractive at all. He's so ugly on the inside and to me-that affects his looks. He told me he loved women with long dark hair, big boobs with an athletic build...which describes me but all the ex's I had seen were of blonde, long hair, with skinny bodies. He said as long as her face is pretty and she isn't fat then he'd consider her. I think, it doesn't matter how the woman looks to my XN, just as long as she has something to offer him, be it sex, money, status etc. After our numerous break-ups the last year, I'd ask him-did you date anyone during our break-up? And his answer would be the same every single time- " I told you, why would I go for ground beef when I can have filet mignon?' Yes- I was considered meat he could devour!! I truly hate these type of low-life's

His jeans had to be perfectly starched & so did his shirt. He could care less about how i looked...

The guy I was with definitely had standards, according to his particular tastes. He was not into overweight women (his current online ad, yes...he's still out there...distinctly says NO overweight women) but.....he definitely was willing to bend if the woman had something to offer. ($$$ and ego boost). One of the exes, whom I know professionally, he talked about alot. This woman is no looker. Chunky and sort of buck toothed, but she is talented and makes good money. She bought him lots of goodies...took him on trips, did alot of art and worked on alot of projects for him. I cannot imagine him hanging around her unless there was this sort of payoff, and I still wonder if he had been faithful the whole time.

He had even made a comment once that his friends felt he was way too attractive for her. I don't know..it all sounds like some creepy, juvenile mess to me.

Mine was obsessed with certain look. He loved black hair in a bob haircut, not too thin (he likes a little meat especially in the rear), and a pretty face. He was really picky about clothes and shoes. He wanted me to dress in porn type fashion. I am a 42 year old mother of 2, I am not gonna dress like a teenager. I think he would have been embarrassed if I actually dressed the way he said he wanted me to, but he knew I would never dress that way, so it was perfect for him to put me down.

i don't think the psychonarc cared....if someone was good looking and other people admired their looks...he took pride of ownership....but other than that, his main interest was in what someone could do for him....i think he was more interested in bank accounts...income...what they owned...what they had the potential to own......i think looks were way down the list.......

My ex-N described one of HIS ex's as having a "man back" and wore "granny panties"....however he was STILL obsessed with trying to win her back. I know this because his ex-best friend (whom he "broke up" with via a viscous email) told me. This friend of his said that he did this with all his ex's....wanted them back after complaining about their bodies.

I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I used to model lingerie and still could!

He'll never get me back.

neveragain

How do you tell if your N is Cerebral or Somatic?

is he cerebral or somatic? Mine was somatic so he wouldn't be caught dead with someone he did not find attractive. He thought his ex-wife was beautiful and he told me he thought I was beautiful (i'm a thin, 42 year old with blonde hair and blue eyes). Looks matter more to the somatic. If your N is somatic, he is all into HIS looks and will go for the same. My ex-N is an OC body builder, would rather die than lose a hair, had braces as a child and got them again in his early 40's, bleaches his teeth, tans, dyes his hair to cover the gray, LOVES to hear someone tell him he looks younger than his age, buys clothes from Buckle (he's 49) and drives a pimped out truck. This is all just my opinion based on my experience and the differences i've read about somatic and cerebral. My ex N also commented that I "traded up" when I met him but I think he is not as good looking in the face as alot of guys I've dated. But I would never tell him that, of course!!! He'd kill himself!!!

Thanks for your input ladies...i guess there is no real way of identifying what my N's pattern of women were...i just can go off what he told me (which means nothing)....and since we always focused on MY PAST instead of his, I dont have much!

Great Reads! I wasnt easy to control...i guess thats why he left only after 5 months...lol

Sexual Ns want a woman who acts and looks like porn star.

Intellectuals want someone to worship them who make them look smart.

It depends - some Ns target less attractive women and then convince these women they are 'doing them a favor.' Additionally less attractive women usually KNOW it and are often willing to 'settle' just to be in a relationship.

Then there are those who demand perfection... at all costs - and always YOUR cost!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/