Lisa E. Scott

Do Looks Matter To An N?

Do Looks Matter To An N?
Posted Wed, 07/08/2009 - 16:16

Do looks matter to an N? I am just curious because I think my N has definitely dated less attractive women..and is it all about feeding their ego? If there is a less attractive women giving them admiration, adoration and is passive, will an N prey on her like anyone else?

Also, my N always mentioned how ugly my Ex's were...he would always comment, but in reality I think he was less attractive, is that an N characteristic?

‹ on being gaslighted (gaslit?) The Biggest Lie ›

She had a "MAN BACK" and wore "GRANNY PANTIES"!

Sun, 07/12/2009 - 01:19 — neveragain

My ex-N described one of HIS ex's as having a "man back" and wore "granny panties"....however he was STILL obsessed with trying to win her back. I know this because his ex-best friend (whom he "broke up" with via a viscous email) told me. This friend of his said that he did this with all his ex's....wanted them back after complaining about their bodies.

I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I used to model lingerie and still could!

He'll never get me back.

neveragain

we all look similar

Sat, 07/11/2009 - 22:03 — Marie

Scarily enough the few women I know in his life all have similar features. We are all petite (he's a big guy 6'4") have long brown to red hair, same shaped eyes (though not always blue), big sunny smiles.

Cerebral and Somatic

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 06:43 — Bittersweet

How do you tell if your N is Cerebral or Somatic?

Intellectual or Sexual? How to Know

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:49 — Barbara (not verified)

Lisa and I explained it here:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/06/11/All-About-Him-The-Tw...

is he cerebral or somatic?

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 21:25 — devoured_soul

is he cerebral or somatic? Mine was somatic so he wouldn't be caught dead with someone he did not find attractive. He thought his ex-wife was beautiful and he told me he thought I was beautiful (i'm a thin, 42 year old with blonde hair and blue eyes). Looks matter more to the somatic. If your N is somatic, he is all into HIS looks and will go for the same. My ex-N is an OC body builder, would rather die than lose a hair, had braces as a child and got them again in his early 40's, bleaches his teeth, tans, dyes his hair to cover the gray, LOVES to hear someone tell him he looks younger than his age, buys clothes from Buckle (he's 49) and drives a pimped out truck. This is all just my opinion based on my experience and the differences i've read about somatic and cerebral. My ex N also commented that I "traded up" when I met him but I think he is not as good looking in the face as alot of guys I've dated. But I would never tell him that, of course!!! He'd kill himself!!!

is he/she cerebral or somatic?

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 22:51 — James

is he/she cerebral or somatic?

One interesting point is how as it was explain that a N could be more cerebral or somatic throughout most of their life but can change (convert) into a somatic/cerebral N if something happen to cause them the need if only temporary to adapt this behavior for supply. They will maintain this type (Somatic/Cerebral) of behavior until the event/need is achieved and then they will return back to that behavior which they feel more in control of in view to that “false self“. This of course explains why some victims see them become someone unknown to them after their D&D. It’s this chameleon ability that leaves others feeling like “who is this person really?”. Because they have no real (core) personality they are able to incorporate other people’s personality so well. This of course allow them to “hook” the new supply i.e. victim until after the honeymoon stage promotion (etc) is over and then revert back to whatever type they are more comfortable with and/or relate to that false self. In short at one time they are a more traditional conservative family type but then they become players/cheaters much like the "new supply" and this can happen very quickly. It's be reported that they will even start acting and behaving like the new supply i.e. victim. A very good example of this behavior is Scott Peterson.

Bittersweet

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 19:17 — Barbara (not verified)

With many Sexual Ns - if its breathing and warm - it's GOOD TO GO!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

I agree. My N's past

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 13:15 — whatever2009

I agree.

My N's past "whores" and one "wife" inbetween were HORRIBLE looking, they all were really bad. He is actually pretty cute. They were bottom
of the barrel.

Anyway, he doesnt care, if a girl wants it, he's giving it to her. (according to him). Wow...

Then I came along and Im not cocky and my self esteem is great (obviously)but Im the BEST he ever had. So thats why he USE to parade me around.

So I think that somatic N's are just sex sickos and it looks dont matter.

Nice...

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 19:20 — Bittersweet

When you put it that way, it illustrates how PATHETIC they are!!

Thanks!

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 19:06 — Bittersweet

Thanks for your input ladies...i guess there is no real way of identifying what my N's pattern of women were...i just can go off what he told me (which means nothing)....and since we always focused on MY PAST instead of his, I dont have much!

Great Reads! I wasnt easy to control...i guess thats why he left only after 5 months...lol

not really

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 17:43 — jenn99 (not verified)

Some N's want their sig others to be the most attractive to feed their egos and their narcissistic image of perfection..and use them as trophies, they generally will only go for those women or choose them as partners...however, as far as what they're attracted to, generally doesn't matter because they have varying motives for whoever they choose. some N's aren't going to find lesser attractive women reason to prey on long term depending upon what their motives are...what do they get by being with someone less attractive...except something temporary...long term they want to be associated with beauty or beautiful women because it gives them the status attention power they desire...in general terms, but others may prey upon the less attractive because they might be able to control them easier dependent upon what the N has to offer as well...and get more out of them....most S's and P's are motivated mostly by power, money, control etc...psychopaths or N's are intersted mostly in control so if they can control someone that's a turn on to them or what gets them off, or having power over someone...thus looks don't matter unless it's for a reason...oversexed ones really could care less as well about looks it's all about 'sex' power control, getting what they want ...ive seen N's who choose the moat attractive mates..well now they "have" them as trophy wives...but are turned on or attracted to all types of people...and most just want to use so if they can use whoever for whatever they want, then looks don't matter as much either... it depends on the N of course, some may be 'picky' but in general for N's P's and S's who they're attracted to seems to be related to motives like greed status power control and not much else...
an N insulting your ex's is too typical just to put down anything you've had in order to make you feel or look bad and them look better...an N doesn't have to be attractive to insult looks just the narcissistic egotistical jerks they are

Ex: my narc chose me because he saw a goldmine, a young beautiful woman trying to be a model who he could attempt to manipulate easily and exploit and not even exploit thru
A bad industry but even be able to control,…on top of that his association with me gave him more attention as a photographer and he liked the combination and the attention he ws getting from others….he’s also older im younger, so he can tell others im with him that’s his gf…also trying ot get monetary security from my family or hoping that associating with me can get him taken care of financially in some form…and the fact that so many guys would want someone like me, but that I was loyal to him and he’s the only One who can ‘have me’ in any way….and make others jealous…but realistically he just saw a goldmine who he could make lots of money off of, an object, but has never fallen thru with his plans b/c he’s getting enough of what he wants, control and power…

it depends

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 16:39 — Barbara (not verified)

Sexual Ns want a woman who acts and looks like porn star.

Intellectuals want someone to worship them who make them look smart.

It depends - some Ns target less attractive women and then convince these women they are 'doing them a favor.' Additionally less attractive women usually KNOW it and are often willing to 'settle' just to be in a relationship.

Then there are those who demand perfection... at all costs - and always YOUR cost!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Well Put

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 16:59 — CSparks

Barbara said it well.

I'd have to say that I think some N's would prefer to have the trophy type but know they could never tame them and don't want to have to face that. So they've set their sights lower to avoid such a challenge to their fantasy self-image. So, in that way I'd say looks matter a lot to them lol!

And yeah, I'd say that by what they're saying about your ex's, they are TRYING to make you subconciously think that you have it so good and could never do better so don't ever try or even think about it (after all, you weren't able to in the past as evidenced by "all your ex's being so much less good-looking than him." That and he's probably delusional ;)

Csparks

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 21:39 — Jodie

Good point, my stbxnh told me he thought I was "too much work" and that he prefers girls who aren't attractive because they are "easier to deal with n will just go with the flow." he actually said to me he dates under his league bc the girl is so happy to be with him she won't give him any crap. Sick!

"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

Depends, I think

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 08:45 — GhostBuster

After I realized there was something really wrong with my first N (who was a very typical somatic, hyper sexual type), I started to observe him in public when we went out. He was a classic rubber-necker, cruiser guy so I watched what/who he was key into. All very average, non-head-turner types. There was a very beautiful young woman seated right next to him and he didn't check her out once. This was toward the end of our relationship and we had been to once counseling session where his therapist actually convinced me to work with him to try to help him overcome his "playboy" ways. So, I asked my N what he found so interesting about the average women in the room and he said "think about it. I'd never fall in love with them!" I think he thought he could more easily make them into his whore and the beautiful, together one seated next to us would take more work (or not fall for his act). So, yes, I think it's about control and who is most likely to be susceptible to being devalued.

Otherwise, my last N was all about having a beautiful, smart woman. He wasn't at all interested in an average gal. But he was absolutely adament that the woman bend to his every demand/wish. That was non-negotiable. I think he was more cerebral at his core (because he would go years alone and just concentrate on building his base of knowledge...and masturbating, of course)...with a strong somatic side when a beautiful woman was in his sights.

Mine uses the net...so he

Thu, 07/09/2009 - 15:31 — better off

Mine uses the net...so he didn't even know what I looked like when he approached me. And I wouldn't send him a pic for the longest time. I think he must've thought I was awful looking, lol. He seemed very surprised that I wasn't awful looking at all. I'm not gorgeous by any means, but, I'm above average "cute" I guess. When I'm on my game I can still turn heads at 42. The chicks he's moved on to...ummm...this sounds narcissistic or mean or jealous or something, but really, I couldn't believe it. I was like...seriously??? I started to doubt my own looks when I saw them! A mutual friend, said, no he hit the jackpot with you. lol

Anyway, his wife was extremely average. His latest conquests..even less so! But as I said, he's hunting people based on other things, primarily the kind of attention they give him I think. And it's all pretend anyway, so what difference does it make?

Sadly this makes me want to think that I WAS special, that I was The One instead of one in a string. WHY would I WANT to be the ONE for him??