I don't think i have to worry. I exposed the rotten SOB to his boss for all that he really is. I told the police everything about the creep. He knows i exposed him and he knows i will do it again if provoked. For me it is the only way. I am past the point of no return. Its recovery or death. His overtly controlling nature makes him far to dangerous for me to have even one conversation with. I have to keep him in fear of exposure or i am sure to be victimized again. He must stay away.
If this nut came back now he is a gluten for punishment because i will never stop telling the truth about what he is. I have made it my mission to inflict injury upon him with every bit of force i have to protect myself. I am not laying down ever again.
I think he believes me now. I may actually be more dangerous to him at this point. He cant handle the truth. Hes running scared. Run little coward...RUN! winning or loosing isn't really relevant in my book. Its how your playing. I got my game on now! Eyes wide open.

I was literally just having a panic attack - missing him and wanting him and because it is so lonely and I am at the start of recovering from the shock of the abrupt way he left I wanted to come on here and say that I want him back because anything would be better than the pain of this lonliness and emptiness. I just wanted him back and to take his sordid deal because it would be better then being alone.

Then I saw Marie's post to me and I feel so much better! And Barabar's post about "free sex nothing more" and now the panic is passing. THis is such a great forum everyone!

I can't believe that guy Marie! So he just starting chasing you and being all wonderful again simply to reel you back in and hurt you? THis has come as a warning to me - I gave my N so many chances and would think "just one more time and he will be nicer" and it never happened so of course it won't happen now> he will just use me for sex and discard me again.

I'm so sorry that happened to you but at least you had the wisom to look back over your journal and remind yourself that he is well..a lying pig! I have to believe that a guy like that will get his one day he can't possibly be human. Why do that to you? I'm sure you did nothing but love and give in that relationship. I can't believe how awful he is.

Thanks so much you just helped reduce my panic and reminded me of why I don't want to be with him. You guys are right...some other woman can have him and his sleazy ways, his lying self, his mood swings, his ability to make you feel like dirt, his cheating habits, he is a pig. I don't want it and I don't want him!

Cupcake, I just had to write you also. I'm so sorry you are going through so much pain. I remember how I was a year ago and the pain my N caused me. I lost so much sleep night after night, constantly checking phone and email. Leaving myself signed in hoping he'd contact me. After 3 years of daily contact to 3 months of nothing. It was the most hurtful of all experiences in my life. A year later I can still feel that pain, I don't think it will ever go away. Whenever I see him sometimes the ideas start anew but mostly I'm reminded that whatever I had with him will never be again. It comes back that all he did was use me, that all his "I love yous" were lies that he now tells another.

About 4 months ago he started trying to court me again. Stupidly I began thinking maybe he realized that he made a mistake in letting me go. I'm sure most of you can guess what happened. At first he was once more the charming man I fell for, it was so easy to fall back again to him. I wondered about the other woman and what happened with her only to find she wasn't really out of his life. Then the broken promises began, little remarks that were cutting to finally another disappearance and avoidance. Whenever or if ever I've thought of calling, emailing or having any kind of contact I reread my journal entry of April 17. It reminds me of what a heartless, lying pig he is and how he'll go back to hurting me the same way over and over again if I let him. He once again went back to ignoring me if we passed one another, not even a glance in my direction, this from a man who just a month ago began once again to tell me I was the only woman he ever loved. Funny his daily calls went to biweekly then once a week to nothing. No more email, no more calls, no more courting to giving me a number to reach him in case of emergency but then never answered. Does that sound like a man in love? No it's a bunch of bs to reel you back in so you can be stomped on. It's all lies and the way these guys treat you they treat another woman the same don't believe any different. Why talk yourself into going back to be in pain again?

Please speak with a therapist and try to find out why you want to be involved in an abusive relationship. If this man turned to ice on you once, he'll do it again no matter what he promises. Let him win and move on to someone else to hurt you deserve better.

he could have moved on and might have someone else. They come back when they want something emotionally, physically, or financially. You are fortunate to be away and out of it before worse things happened. He has nothing for you but painful experiences and painful memories.

I remember our first 'fight'... I told him how I felt and he said; this feels like a break-up conversation... He said it in a really sad way. I was just stunned.. It blocked everything, but of course I had no idea what I was getting in at that time!! I felt guilty for being 'hard on him'. If he reacted this way, he must be insecure.. and he was about to leave for his mission to Afghanistan, so I explained that it had nothing to with a break-up.. of course not!!

Never, ever project your own neuroticism onto them, they're not like you, they're not insecure. They are character disturbed, never got punished for being bad by their doting mother. Indulged all their lives.. No empathy, just ME ME ME.

If we have a good sense of right and wrong, the narcissist will sense his time of manipulation and being able to confuse and lie to us is about to expire. He will devalue and discard us first. We likely won’t even know what hit us. We’ll be running around trying to get things back on track. The outcome of this will be OUR learning about the very deeply-ingrained core defense mechanisms of the personality disordered. Not only will we be deeply hurt by his inexplicable hurtful rejection, done in the cruelest way, but we will also fail in any attempts to fix him. The silver lining to this is that the N sensed our strengths, our ability to draw that line in the sand. So he left. That’s what they do. You are to be congratulated if this happened to you. It takes most people years to figure this out.

They say the dog who barks last wins. The N will want to be the last dog who barks. Let him. This is where it should end. Resist any thoughts of responding to the N. We do not need to defend ourselves against some lie from a mentally-disordered person. Refusing to do so is our strong suit. Letting him have his last bark may even give us some proof of his craziness. Use that to your advantage.

Our Ns can come up with some pretty creative ways to get us to pay attention to him. It may take hours, days, months or even years for this to happen. Don’t be surprised if he waltzes back acting like nothing ever happened. (!!!) Don’t get involved with him.

Crazy People Make You Crazy. Your N is amused by your emotions. Put yourself at the eyeglass end of a microscope. You are watching a fly. It buzzes around frantically. Your N knows what it takes to get you to buzz around frantically too. He will play with your emotions for his amusement. You have a much wider range of emotions than a fly and the narcissist knows what he has to do to make you look crazy, buzz around frantically, cry, yell, argue, or any other human emotional reaction he can get out of you. If he’s really lucky he can make you look crazier than he is. Ns like doing this. They like emotional targets. They find it amusing.

How do narcissists experience love? The best descriptor of narcissists’ love style is game playing. We have found this over and over in our research. Narcissists are “players” in their romantic relationships. They get kick out of keeping their partner uncertain about their level of commitment. One day it is “I love you,” the next it is a total brush off.

Narcissists have another advantage when it comes to deception and manipulation: they often believe their own story (!!!). Narcissists think that game playing IS love. They feel excited and cocky and act in a cool, charming way and think; "Wow, this is a really good relationship full of true feelings". He could say he loved her, and not really be lying. However, because there is no actual caring or compassion, it is easy for a narcissist to hurt his partner again and again, even though he supposedly has “deep” feelings for her.