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Strange Narcissistic & Psychopathic Behaviors
Member since:
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42 years 6 weeks
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42 years 6 weeks
42 years 6 weeks
Strange Narcissistic & Psychopathic Behaviors
Posted June 9, 2009 - 6:30pm
(only needs a few to be PATHOLOGICAL!)
The following behaviours are probably more common amongst psychopaths than non-psychopaths. Obviously not all will apply to any individual psychopath/ narcissist. Note that narcissists have similar behaviours to psychopaths.
1. Has no conscience.
2. Manipulates people by "pulling strings" or "pushing the right buttons" .
3. Is perceived to be "sticky", "slimy" or "slippery".
4. Is a "control freak".
5. Is a "serial bully". Has one main bully target at a time. Once he loses control of that bully target, he feels compelled to find another bully target very quickly to sink his claws into.
6. Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance, thinking that the world revolves around him. This is known as "egocentricity".
7. Is a "fantasist".
8. Glares at people with piercing eyes. Women have been known to mistake this for sexual magnetism.
9. Would unexpectedly say very hurtful things.
10. Consistently apportions blame to others when things go wrong, regardless of how logically an explanation was given - "whipping boy" - "fall guy".
11. Twists and distorts facts to his advantage.
12. Jekyll and Hyde personality. (Incidentally, Robert Louis Stevenson's fictional character was inspired by a real life psychopath that he had met but obviously the fictional character was an exaggerated version.)
13. Applies his distorted sense of reality (psychosis) to others, accusing them of faults and weaknesses that are actually his own. This is known as "projection".
14. Inability to accept responsibility or blame for his actions. He is always "in denial".
15. Can get vicious if cornered.
16. Spin a "web of deceit".
17. Has a "hidden agenda".
18. Has a "selective memory" - remembers your mistakes but forgets his own.
19. Seldom plans for the long and medium terms, believing himself to be immune to the consequences of his own actions.
20. Takes the credit for other people's work. This is known as "plagiarism".
21. Demands absolute loyalty. Only likes you if you do exactly what he wants, therefore attempting to reinforce manipulation.
22. Tries to make you feel guilty ("the guilt trip") if you protest about doing what he wants you to do. For example, saying to you "You are causing me so many problems because of your selfishness."
23. Often exhibits an unusually high level of charm. Commonly uses flattery to win people over so they can be manipulated.
24. May have an impenetrable veneer of charm, or "superficial politeness", that makes it very difficult to ask pertinent or searching questions that would reveal his true self. For example, he may constantly crack jokes or dwell on pleasantries with no substance, discussing the weather for example. A psychopathic veneer of charm may manifest itself in organisations by using glossy brochures and marketing that portrays things in an idealistic way that has little bearing on reality - "charm offensive".
25. Happy to dish out criticism or abuse - not happy to receive criticism or abuse - "do as I say, not as I do".
26. Makes an audible noise when walking around, such as humming, whistling, singing, making duck-noises or clicking fingers.
27. Uses frequent hand movements when talking.
28. Gives you a sense of being "talked at" rather than being "talked to" when the psycho engages you in conversation.
29. Inability to understand irony.
30. He can't be trusted. Breaks promises and breaches matters intended to be in confidence.
31. Stabs you in the back.
32. Fakes sincerity with great conviction. For example he may be profusely apologetic, if he is caught red-handed doing some misdemeanor, but then do the same misdemeanor the next week if he thinks he can get away with it. He is incapable of a sincere apology.
33. Lacks tact.
34. Is not a team player - he acts autocratically.
35. Is two-faced.
36. Hates people who are more talented than he is as it shows up his own inadequacies which he may in turn "project" onto that person.
37. Flies into a rage over a small problem - "nit picking".
38. Lacks any kind of personal depth.
39. Has a beaming, charismatic and even messianic smile. Any politicians spring to mind ?!
40. Gets others to do his dirty work - "attack dogs" or "hatchet men"
41. Changes the rules frequently but denies the inconsistency.
42. May plunge into detail about something without appreciating that you don't know the context.
43. May express anger because you don't know something that he assumes you know but there is no reason why you should know it and no-one has told you.
44. Interprets criticism of himself (even constructive criticism) as a personal insult or personal attack.
45. Expresses anger at emotional outbursts from others.
46. May use the word "I" or "me" frequently in conversation and with emphasis.
47. May use expressions such as "I'm just looking after number one" or "I was just following orders" as an excuse to justify abuse.
48. Rarely gets depressed.
49. Is more concerned about the welfare of an inanimate object than a human being. For example, if he witnesses a person coliding with an inanimate object and hurting themselves, he may be more concerned about possible damage to the inanimate object.
50. Likes to find out about or observe other psychopaths. For example, likes to watch Hollywood action films with psychopathic characters or read books about psychopathic historical characters such as Napoleon. Perhaps this partly explains why different psychopaths often use similar "scripts" for their deceitful practices.
51. Never remembers his own emotional outbursts or denies having them.
52. Sees things in black or white - something is either all "good" or all "evil". Does this remind you of any politicians ?
53. Lectures you endlessly until you agree. For example, think of the tendency of dictators to give speeches that go on for hours - this is "extreme lecturing".
54. Unusual or abnormal sense of direction.
55. Has little interest in making any effort to make you feel comfortable, unless he is manipulating you.
56. They can express remorse when they lose control of someone they are abusing. This is just a form of self-pity as the psycho now has to go to the trouble of "grooming" a new target.
57. Makes forced loud laughter - belly laugh
58. Excessive use of makeup. Preening. Excessive touching of hair.
59. Often attributes others to saying things about them, for example, "My mother says that I have the most lovely hair." or refers to himself in the third person.
60. Inability to say thank you. Inability to return a compliment. Inability to reciprocate or acknowledge an act of kindness.
61. May make or be seen to make token acts of kindness, for example donations to charity. However these acts are not sincere and are intended just to reinforce the psycho's pretense of being a good person or as some form of manipulation.
62. Has an abnormal "startle response" - doesn't jump or startle when we would. This is documented by professionals, but not well known among the public.
63. Abnormal sense of smell. Psychopaths may not smell things we can or not as well as we can (olifactory sense). This seems to be verified by research of psychosis variations. Excessive use of colognes, aftershave or perfumes.
64. Normal people may sense or feel the presence of "evil". It permeates from the psychopath. We react with nausea, fear, and we often say "Oh, he doesn't mean that". It is often intangible and something we can't really define.
65. Loves giving explicit details of gory operations or violent incidents that he has heard about, for example in films or on TV.
66. Thinks that normal rules of society don't apply to him - he is somehow exempt. He is not concerned with right or wrong for his own actions - only with whether he can get away with doing something without being caught. However he may insist that others adhere to strict rules of his making.
67. Dislikes plants.
68. May show an odd fascination with fire, weapons, drugs or alcohol.
69. Throws out items normally kept. Has no items or discards any with only 'sentimental connections'.
70. May have a commanding physical presence.
71. Drives recklessly
72. Homophobic (angry/protests about gays).
73. Obsession with neatness and tidyness
74. May be cruel to animals, for example, stamps on worms.
75. Thinks that it is necessary for someone else to fail for him to succeed. He will often make sure that someone fails by using deceit. A psycho manager may engineer failure in an employee by overloading with work or setting impossible deadlines.
76. Unusual fascination with body function of bowel movements.
77. Has a thing about toilets and toilet seats. They have to be cleaner than clean.
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
He found pregnancy repulsive
December 20, 2010 - 4:56pm — Susan32Leo Tolstoy and his wife Sofia tended to fight MORE when she was pregnant (and she bore 16 kids to him- 3 died young) In "War and Peace", Prince Andrei abandons his pregnant wife Lisa when he thinks she's "preocuppied with trivialities." He'd rather "fight in the greatest war ever." And yet Andrei is held up as thoughtful, enlightened, overflowing with divine love, and "wounded by life and love." Yeah, nothing says "wounded by love" like a guy who abandons an expectant woman. Nicolai and Princess Marya (whom he married for her $$$ and after dumping his childhood sweetheart Sonya) have more "alienation and hostility" between them when Marya is pregnant.
The ex-Psych professor totally believed these things. He said he found pregnancy repulsive. He also considered infants repulsive and disgusting.
No wonder I felt bad for the OW when he married her (because she was pregnant) and he had fathered twins with her.
If he had mistreated her during the pregnancy and I had stayed in New Mexico, I would've treated him with the same empathy a lioness treats an antelope.
traits
December 20, 2010 - 12:24pm — helldwellerThe "hand gestures while talking" is wierd. Mine does this thing where, when he talks, he sort of touches his fingertips together then fans out his fingers while gesturing. I can't really describe it, but I've never seen anything like it. He's 100% Italian, and I know that's a stereotype, but it's not like any normal gesturing I've ever seen. I thought it was the most adorable thing. Yikes.
Also, did anyone else have a narc who littered? Mine, a fifty three year old judge who is obssessively neat about his home, would literally throw garbage out the car window. He even would push garbage into the street in front of his house? I would say, "That's your own street, narc." But since it wasn't actually on his lawn or in his house it was okay.
He also did not have any regard for my property. As you guys know, he had no problem have messy sex on my couch or rug, putting wet drinks on my tables, etc, but god help you if you even sat on his furniture.
I was just wondering if this is a part of the control, blanket disregard for property and social norms--or if it's a separate thing that's common to them all?
helldweller
December 20, 2010 - 12:44pm — Usedwas just wondering if this is a part of the control, blanket disregard for property and social norms--or if it's a separate thing that's common to them all?
NO its b/c they are all friggen nutcases
used
December 20, 2010 - 12:49pm — helldwellerOMG! LMAO!
helldweller
December 20, 2010 - 1:14pm — Usedglad i made you laugh.
i liked it as wellLOL
Some familiar ones
December 20, 2010 - 12:02pm — Susan32#50- The ex-Psych professor was fascinated with the character of Napoleon in "War and Peace." In "War and Peace", Napoleon is called "The Great Man." He was also fascinated with the psychopathic characters of Dolokhov and Anatole. He seemed to think "War and Peace" WAS real (Tolstoy called it "historical FICTION",duh) When Princess Marya cries, Tolstoy says she's lovelier than before. The ex-P felt the same way. When Tolstoy distinguishes REAL women who listen from CLEVER women, he'd say I was a clever woman, not a real one.
#53- That sums up the final D&D. Endless lecturing. The ex-P fantasized about being a lecturer rather than a professor. He enjoyed attending lectures (couldn't really "get" concerts)...but couldn't stand the Q&A sessions. He'd wonder aloud why students would "challenge" professors by asking questions. When he had Q&A, he raged.
#59- During the final D&D, constantly referred to himself as "the teacher."
#65- During my freshman year, he was fascinated with meat eaters coming down with mad cow disease. Of course, he'd go into gory detail. He took this argument whole cloth from Cora Diamond's "Eating Animals, Eating People." But he went into the goriness unlike his mentor. He'd go into gruesome detail about "animals tearing each other apart."
#72- Thanks to the ex-P homophobia now makes me nauseous. He'd rail cruelly against my gay friends, and the openly gay professor who might've been a former fling. When I snuck into a YES ON 8 rally here in California, the hatred against gays (the love of traditional marriage was nil) made me sick.
#74- I think this shows the biggest difference between garden variety Narcs and Psychopaths. My ex-Narc boss and my Narc grandmother have cats. They treat their cats well. The ex-Psych professor didn't have any pets. He said animals were scared of him, or he'd rail at me "only stupid kids and dumb animals like you!" when a German shepherd followed me back to campus. I never saw him engage in open cruelty towards animals, but I know how much he hated animals and children.
I think attitudes toward children should be on this list. Leo Tolstoy considered babies and the nursery disgusting... despite the fact he fathered lots of kids. The ex-Psych professor referred to children as "urchins" and "snot-nosed",then he fathered a pair a year after the D&D because... I guess I'm a goddess and I punish those who cross me that way.
count em
December 20, 2010 - 10:23am — truthseekerhe has all but 6. Holy Crap!
Definitely the piercing
December 18, 2010 - 10:54pm — hooklineandsinkerDefinitely the piercing eyes thing, and the fascination with serial killers etc, eg the movie Manhunter and the books of the Marquis de Sade.
Was speaking with my sis on the phone a couple of days ago and I was a bit weepy about Christmas coming up and this year being such a total contrast to last year. We discussed N a bit. She told me that she had found him silent and weirdly creepy, and had felt like she was babbling in his presence, just because he sat there and didn't say much but emitted a weird sternness/aloofness which caused others to feel like they were babbling. It was kind of a relief to hear that I wasn't the only one who had had that vibe off him before. My sis is generally a very unflappable girl but she felt uncomfortable in his presence.
My strategy whenever he wanted to maintain a stony silence was to react with a stony silence of my own. I'm jiggered if I'm going to take on the responsibility of keeping an entire conversation going single-handedly (with anyone, not just with him) with no effort from the other person, and especially not in a weird, hostile environment, so I used to just shut the hell up too, and let the silence reign. This was only really towards the end when the weird but subtle hostile vibes would be palpable.
feeling of "babbling"
December 19, 2010 - 12:27am — JeanThis is an interesting observation, because when I tried to tell a story - however brief - about myself to the N, I just didn't feel comfortable and it was hard to make it funny, even though it was a funny story. In fact, now that I think about it, whenever I have that feeling of "oh, I must be boring you" it's probably because the other person (or, usually asshole) is only pretending to listen but really cares very little.
It's a feeling of being watched but not seen, heard but not listened to. A feeling of, what I read recently, that everything I am saying is a bit "thin."
It's just a vibe from the N that nothing you say, in fact your very existence, has any worth. I suppose that from the N perspective if you are much like an object - say, a toaster or a cushion - then they are thinking, "why is this toaster speaking?"
That feeling of "babbling" is one of the most uncomfortable feelings I experience. I really think the other person, knowingly or unknowingly, just wants you to stop talking and go away.
When it comes from a teacher
December 20, 2010 - 1:35am — Susan32I attended a college that has DIALOGUE, rather than lectures, as its selling point. The classes are discussions of the teacher/teachers and students instead of lectures.
The ex-Psych professor was at a college (still is) centered on dialogue, yet he had that attitude towards students... as well as his own colleagues. When one of his fellow professors said that the ex-P was "different", he was correct, and understating the case.
Towards the end, during my junior year, I'd even tell the ex-P "I must be boring you." I even suggested going to another professor as an essay advisor... and he insisted that he still be my advisor. In a sense, I was ready to move on. I was even dating openly and publicly (something he complained about to his students, on class time)
"That nothing you say, in fact your very existence, has any worth"-It's terrible between spouses to feel that way, or between lovers. When a student gets an "I'm worthless" vibe from a teacher, it's bad on a different level. What's worse is that the ex-P would tell me that I was empty, vapid, etc. I'd ask him, "Why am I so empty to you?" and I never got a response.
His favorite literary character, the handsome and "intellectual" Prince Andrei in "War and Peace", abandons his pregnant wife when he "suddenly" realizes that she's vacant and empty,or as Andrei puts it "NOTHING." But then again, Andrei considers EVERYTHING meaningless. One apt literary commentator says that Andrei looks for the meaningless in everything.
"Why is this toaster speaking?"-The ex-P compared me to a poltergeist. A poltergeist is a force instead of an object. Paranormal researchers find poltergeists a bit more challenging because they don't communicate, don't take on human form, and they do what they want... for whatever reason. I guess towards the end the ex-P thought I was like the Bride of Chucky (the doll with its own will) or Christine (the car with its own will in the Stephen King novel)
"Just wants you to stop talking and go away"-That would explain why his colleagues and students, for the most part, avoided him, because they got that vibe.
During my senior oral exam, the ex-P made a point of being fidgety and not paying attention.
So I just ignored him, kept my composure, and engaged in dialogue with the two other professors on the committee. He wasn't worth a fight. I stayed focused on the dialogue... and acting as if he weren't there.
It's an uncomfortable feeling to get from a teacher, who one would assume cares only about his students' best interests.
wow! A huge chunk of this
December 16, 2010 - 9:24pm — Happy1wow! A huge chunk of this is my N but what is really strange to me (I know it should all be strange) but my N did #26 quite frequently. He would snap his fingers while walking. This is so strange that this would be on a Narc list. I guess I don't get a connection there. But I would say almost the entire list fits him to a T.
26. Makes an audible noise when walking around, such as humming, whistling, singing, making duck-noises or clicking fingers.
check this list
December 16, 2010 - 6:07pm — BelindaHello Everyone !
This List posted some time ago, could be of help to assist in identifying strange behaviours you have encountered.
Belinda
Wow Belinda, thanks for
December 16, 2010 - 8:03pm — allthatglittersWow Belinda, thanks for bumping this up! This is quite a list.. My ExN fits into a lot of these traits.
How have you been? I haven't seen you posting here... I hope your recovery is going well!! xx
hi atg
December 16, 2010 - 9:35pm — Belindahi atg
Well I read here pretty much everyday and this message board has been a HUGE help in my recovery. I may actually initiate a post, but something is still holding me back from doing so, and I am sure there are many others who just read for sources of support eh
But I thought this list gave a bit of a different take on some
specific odd behaviours that may not be listed eleswhere.
I read that you have come so far and I am happy for you!!
I am becoming myself more and more everyday and it sure feels like a big relief!!!
Thanks to everyone who shares insight here! :)
Belinda
I'm glad you're reading the
December 16, 2010 - 11:44pm — allthatglittersI'm glad you're reading the posts here and continuing to get insight and encouragement.
But you should join in if you want to express yourself... the more people the merrier! :)
It definitely is a relief to start becoming yourself again.. I'm glad that it's happening for you too. xx
Woah
April 24, 2010 - 1:08pm — KellyUmmmmmm . . . Nearly 80% of this list describes my dad and about 40% is my mom . . . oy!
Don't know about the toilet seat thing - - what in the world could unusually clean be? I like clean toilet seats. Isn't that just sanitary?
57
April 21, 2010 - 11:48am — TexN (not verified)And that's after giving a couple of "maybe". Definite narc/psycho path?
texN
April 21, 2010 - 2:38pm — Barbara (not verified)psychopath
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Only a few? He makes almost the whole list!!!
April 21, 2010 - 12:22am — angela0714The part about people sensing evil in him really registered with me. No one in my life seemed fond of him. His eyes did permeate you and his presence could overtake a room. But not in a good way.
This list scares the hell out of me. It's as if someone studied him and made it.
My Pathological Narcissistic Psychopathic BF too...
April 21, 2010 - 11:42am — The Girlfriend ...He IS the entire list...and then some...
...besides everything else...he has this weird thing about talking out loud to himself when he thinks I am not at home. Several times I have heard him downstairs carrying on an entire conversation with himself when he thought I was still out. (it was so strange, because I actually thought someone else was home with him...until I peeked downstairs and saw him sitting there by himself!!! He was complaining to himself about something...and answering himself back!
...also caught him masturbating to PORN on the computer (he does this all the time)...andhe was actually talking to the PORN picture as if it were a live woman...you can figure out all the 'dirty' things he was saying to 'her' while he was totally engrossed in his fantasy land...EWWWW!
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! :-)
Mine scored a 33
April 20, 2010 - 9:09pm — loveofmylifehmmmm.....does that mean he is still an N or has just some narcissistic characteristics?????
loveofmylife
April 20, 2010 - 9:52pm — Barbara (not verified)Definite N... possible Psychopath...
still looking for excuses aren't you?
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Barbara
April 20, 2010 - 11:12pm — loveofmylife:)
Just want to keep making sure I'm judging this correctly....I owe that to our relationship after such a long time. It is just so incredibly hard to reverse 22 years of thinking that was ingrained into my brain and feelings that were at the cellular level. So hard.
But I have come quite a long way. After reading and reading and reading and writing things out and seeing the conflicts on paper. SEeing the Cognitive Dissonance on paper, I have no more yearning, longings, missing feelings. And those feelings have been there for 22 years. So that is forward progress.
I've gotten him out of the onsite work at the company...so I don't have to see him anymore. And I have written out my plan to break contact in 3 weeks once our refinance is done. Even had to switch investors to ones that don't know him so he can't force me to put him on the Board at the company. So, definite progress..... but not all the way there yet.
loveofmylife
April 21, 2010 - 1:22am — Barbara (not verified)hey - I knew one of my Narcs 37 years, another 20 years... it's hard - you don't get past the brainwashing right away or the hormonal manipulation.
The sooner he's totally gone and the sooner you grasp that 22 years was ALL AN ACT... the sooner you will get better.
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Yes It Was!
April 23, 2010 - 11:42am — whitemagicwhitemagic My 25 year marriage was just an act. Hard to fathom. I keep repeating it to myself. This will make it immpossible to ever enter another relationship. I wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit me in the ass.
Strange Narcissistic & Psychopathic Behaviors
April 20, 2010 - 9:29am — Barbara (not verified)READ TOP POST
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Psycho-Boy to a "T"
November 14, 2009 - 3:46am — Barbara (not verified)69... so let us have a moment of silence for his family... LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Has no conscience.
2. Manipulates people by "pulling strings" or "pushing the right buttons" .
4. Is a "control freak".
5. Is a "serial bully". Has one main bully target at a time. Once he loses control of that bully target, he feels compelled to find another bully target very quickly to sink his claws into.
6. Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance, thinking that the world revolves around him. This is known as "egocentricity".
7. Is a "fantasist".
8. Glares at people with piercing eyes. Women have been known to mistake this for sexual magnetism.
9. Would unexpectedly say very hurtful things.
10. Consistently apportions blame to others when things go wrong, regardless of how logically an explanation was given - "whipping boy" - "fall guy".
11. Twists and distorts facts to his advantage.
12. Jekyll and Hyde personality. (Incidentally, Robert Louis Stevenson's fictional character was inspired by a real life psychopath that he had met but obviously the fictional character was an exaggerated version.)
13. Applies his distorted sense of reality (psychosis) to others, accusing them of faults and weaknesses that are actually his own. This is known as "projection".
14. Inability to accept responsibility or blame for his actions. He is always "in denial".
15. Can get vicious if cornered.
16. Spin a "web of deceit".
17. Has a "hidden agenda".
18. Has a "selective memory" - remembers your mistakes but forgets his own.
19. Seldom plans for the long and medium terms, believing himself to be immune to the consequences of his own actions.
20. Takes the credit for other people's work. This is known as "plagiarism".
22. Tries to make you feel guilty ("the guilt trip") if you protest about doing what he wants you to do. For example, saying to you "You are causing me so many problems because of your selfishness."
23. Often exhibits an unusually high level of charm. Commonly uses flattery to win people over so they can be manipulated.
24. May have an impenetrable veneer of charm, or "superficial politeness", that makes it very difficult to ask pertinent or searching questions that would reveal his true self. For example, he may constantly crack jokes or dwell on pleasantries with no substance, discussing the weather for example. A psychopathic veneer of charm may manifest itself in organisations by using glossy brochures and marketing that portrays things in an idealistic way that has little bearing on reality - "charm offensive".
25. Happy to dish out criticism or abuse - not happy to receive criticism or abuse - "do as I say, not as I do".
28. Gives you a sense of being "talked at" rather than being "talked to" when the psycho engages you in conversation.
29. Inability to understand irony.
30. He can't be trusted. Breaks promises and breaches matters intended to be in confidence.
31. Stabs you in the back.
32. Fakes sincerity with great conviction. For example he may be profusely apologetic, if he is caught red-handed doing some misdemeanor, but then do the same misdemeanor the next week if he thinks he can get away with it. He is incapable of a sincere apology.
33. Lacks tact.
34. Is not a team player - he acts autocratically.
35. Is two-faced.
36. Hates people who are more talented than he is as it shows up his own inadequacies which he may in turn "project" onto that person.
37. Flies into a rage over a small problem - "nit picking".
38. Lacks any kind of personal depth.
39. Has a beaming, charismatic and even messianic smile. Any politicians spring to mind ?!
40. Gets others to do his dirty work - "attack dogs" or "hatchet men"
41. Changes the rules frequently but denies the inconsistency.
42. May plunge into detail about something without appreciating that you don't know the context.
43. May express anger because you don't know something that he assumes you know but there is no reason why you should know it and no-one has told you.
44. Interprets criticism of himself (even constructive criticism) as a personal insult or personal attack.
45. Expresses anger at emotional outbursts from others.
46. May use the word "I" or "me" frequently in conversation and with emphasis.
47. May use expressions such as "I'm just looking after number one" or "I was just following orders" as an excuse to justify abuse.
49. Is more concerned about the welfare of an inanimate object than a human being. For example, if he witnesses a person colliding with an inanimate object and hurting themselves, he may be more concerned about possible damage to the inanimate object.
51. Never remembers his own emotional outbursts or denies having them.
52. Sees things in black or white - something is either all "good" or all "evil". Does this remind you of any politicians ?
53. Lectures you endlessly until you agree. For example, think of the tendency of dictators to give speeches that go on for hours - this is "extreme lecturing".
54. Unusual or abnormal sense of direction.
55. Has little interest in making any effort to make you feel comfortable, unless he is manipulating you.
56. They can express remorse when they lose control of someone they are abusing. This is just a form of self-pity as the psycho now has to go to the trouble of "grooming" a new target.
57. Makes forced loud laughter - belly laugh
59. Often attributes others to saying things about them, for example, "My mother says that I have the most lovely hair." or refers to himself in the third person.
60. Inability to say thank you. Inability to return a compliment. Inability to reciprocate or acknowledge an act of kindness.
61. May make or be seen to make token acts of kindness, for example donations to charity. However these acts are not sincere and are intended just to reinforce the psycho's pretense of being a good person or as some form of manipulation.
62. Has an abnormal "startle response" - doesn't jump or startle when we would. This is documented by professionals, but not well known among the public.
63. Abnormal sense of smell. Psychopaths may not smell things we can or not as well as we can (olifactory sense). This seems to be verified by research of psychosis variations. Excessive use of colognes, aftershave or perfumes.
64. Normal people may sense or feel the presence of "evil". It permeates from the psychopath. We react with nausea, fear, and we often say "Oh, he doesn't mean that". It is often intangible and something we can't really define.
66. Thinks that normal rules of society don't apply to him - he is somehow exempt. He is not concerned with right or wrong for his own actions - only with whether he can get away with doing something without being caught. However he may insist that others adhere to strict rules of his making.
67. Dislikes plants.
68. May show an odd fascination with fire, weapons, drugs or alcohol.
69. Throws out items normally kept. Has no items or discards any with only 'sentimental connections'.
71. Drives recklessly
72. Homophobic (angry/protests about gays).
73. Obsession with neatness and tidyness
74. May be cruel to animals, for example, stamps on worms.
75. Thinks that it is necessary for someone else to fail for him to succeed. He will often make sure that someone fails by using deceit. A psycho manager may engineer failure in an employee by overloading with work or setting impossible deadlines.
77. Has a thing about toilets and toilet seats. They have to be cleaner than clean.
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My Abuse Information Site
Online Coaching & Help
Barbara
April 23, 2010 - 9:52am — TexN (not verified)What do you think is the deal with directions? My home town is so small, it literally has one blinking light (doesn't even turn green!) & every time we went home for holidays, that idiot couldn't remember which way to go. His other ex gf said when he lived with her, he would go pick up pizza or something from the store & he'd call her & ask her how to get back home! They think they are so smart...they're a bunch of idiots! (I would tell the N he would get lost in a punch bowl!) lol!
"...get lost in a punch
April 23, 2010 - 10:30am — sanctuary"...get lost in a punch bowl." I love that! Thanks for the laugh.
TexN
April 23, 2010 - 10:01am — Barbara (not verified)directions? well if you live 24/7 in the land of delusions... REAL directions would be out of your grasp, wouldn't they?
and DO watch what you say around your DD. Just acting like he's dead & doesn't exist around her works. If she asks you just say "I don't know honey" and then redirect the subject ASAP.
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Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
pathological behaviors
November 13, 2009 - 6:49pm — Barbara (not verified)READ LIST AT TOP
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My Abuse Information Site
Online Coaching & Help
My narc has contacted me(
November 14, 2009 - 8:03am — ScoopMy narc has contacted me( although i said dont but that doesnt register with him) saying he is seeking counciling .He said he has been in denile for a long time and that he knows he need help .
I am reminded of the post on here on how they stage their return and i clearly remember that saying they will get help is one of their tricks .
I admit that i would have never thought in a hundred years he would admit he needs help . Having said he has most of the above symptoms i would say he will never be right .
After 4 d&d i cant do another one .
Any comments
Scoop x
scoop
November 14, 2009 - 1:18pm — quietude (not verified)Yes...please do not reply to him. Ignore.
Mine did the same thing a while back, so gentle and normal acting in his approach, wanted to go to couples counseling, wanted me not to give up on something so great...blah, blah, blah. Mine in a TRILLION years would never admit he needs help, as a matter of fact, he would 'boast' about how his culture (from another country), are self-sufficient, salt-of-the-earth types. They just 'don't do' getting help. They are all about DIY!
Anyway...The BAD thing for him is, I've heard it all before, and he again and again soon reverted to his old ways as soon as he had me 'secured'.
I bet my savings that if you were to follow that path again, it would lead you back to these boards in just a matter of time, sorry to say.
Scoop
November 14, 2009 - 5:53pm — Barbara (not verified)BLOCK HIM BLOCK HIM BLOCK HIM
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My Abuse Information Site
Online Coaching & Help
See you say you only need a
July 17, 2009 - 3:08pm — ScoopSee you say you only need a few of these to be pathological . My ns had almost all of these traits . Holy mother !
peru x
odd behavior?
July 17, 2009 - 1:37pm — Barbara (not verified)SEE TOP POST
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Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily
Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
SPOT ON!
June 10, 2009 - 10:43pm — JodieWow. This really delves into some of the behaviors that other sources don't and I can't say how AMAZED I am by all the similarities.
He was OBSESSED with smelling things. He HATED gays. Drove like a complete maniac. Weird about the way the toilet paper hung. Very loud, obnoxious laugh. Glazed over devil-like stare. Never understood irony. Selective memory (would abuse me and forget and say "How do you remember all of that?). Zero tact. Zero. Gave charity to animal shelters (said they are nicer than humans). Obsessed with vile, horrific violence (rape scenes in movies, etc.). No depth. And ridiculously OCD.
Man these people are f'd up!!!
barbara
June 10, 2009 - 9:46am — Suziewow. That describes my N exactly. I am so amazed. Why does he hate plants? I have always wonderd that. and the laugh, and he can never smell anything. I can't believe that everything listed is him!!!! wow. This is just amazing.Leah
Gross!!
June 10, 2009 - 8:31am — RenewDIck. Almost every one of these were behaviors of my ex! Nauseating!
For so long I just thought he was super unique. Blech!!
~Denise~
Hi Denise
June 10, 2009 - 9:47am — SuzieHow are you? Isn't it weird to have your N described to you in such detail by someone who has never evan met him? I am trippin out.
Hi Leah!
June 10, 2009 - 6:20pm — RenewDI'm doing well. I've been working, keeping busy keeps my mind off things. I also paid a visit to my dr. who put me on Lexapro. It's finally starting to work, and I'm feeling much better. It's like night and day...things don't bother me AS MUCH as they were before.
This article WAS creepy to read! I can't believe, almost every one of those things were things he did. It's weird that they all have such similar behaviors that they can be listed in this way and it will describe them all.
How have you been? Are you still at your Mom's? Haven't heard much from you the last couple days. I hope you're hanging in there, and doing well. Keep us posted!
~Denise~
I am ok
June 10, 2009 - 8:58pm — SuzieI am still at my moms. It isn't good. I need to leave. I just can't do it right now. Leah
Leah
June 11, 2009 - 8:28am — RenewDLeah, I'm so sorry it's not going well there for you. Hang in there...stay safe...
Where do you stand legally, are you filing for the divorce, have you gone to domestics?
~Denise~
Denise
June 12, 2009 - 11:16am — SuzieI havn't taken any action legally yet. He is kind of laying low right now. I am not really sure where he stands. He doesn't talk to me much. I see him about once a week when he visist the kids and he still goes to the tops meeting I go to (it is a weight meeting). He acts perfectly normal there. A while back he said he wasn't going to give me any money ever again. The next day I said ok. Don't. There is a place for guys who don't support there kids and if you don't give me some money by tommaro I am going to the welfare dept. the next day and get support the way millions of women who have deadbeat husbands do. And they will just take it out of your check and if you quit the D.A. will hunt you down and put you in jail. And everyone will know who you really are.....or you can give me some money tommaro and none of that has to happen. The next day he gave me money and he has every since.
Now he is on a pity trip and moping when I see him. He is not enjoying handling the bills, animals and house on his own. I do care I do love him. But he made his bed...so. I don't have time to be worrieng about him anymore. My kids need me. And I am starting to get my old friend back....ME.. Leah
Victims of Abuse can Change Their Lives
June 10, 2009 - 10:38am — Barbara (not verified)Dear ......................,
I am writing this letter to tell you that you deserve better. It isn't your fault! No matter how hard you try to please an abuser, no matter how many times you try to do better, sooner or later more than likely they will abuse you again. It's not your fault!
Part of you wants to believe that if you could somehow change yourself the emotional/physical beatings would stop. If only you were a better person that this would not be happening to you. Despite the logical part of your brain telling you that it isn't your fault, the emotional part of you is probably saying that 'if" only you did something different the abuse would stop. Don't believe it!
There are millions of people around the world, just like you, many of them sweet, caring wonderful people, who feel that they are doing something wrong, that if they somehow change their behavior that their abuser will stop punishing them. No matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, as long as they stay with an abusive person, the abuser will 'find" something to get angry at them for. The abuser will find a reason to hurt them emotionally/physically, and afterwards the abuser will say "I didn't want to hurt you, you made me do it, if you are more careful and do things better it won't happen again".
Abuse, is a cycle of emotional/physical violence. Think of it as a circle where things go around and around. The victims does something that the abuser gets mad about. The abuser takes out their anger on the victim. Then they apologize. Then they say they are so sorry, that it won't happen again. Soon after they start saying that it was your fault. That you made them do it. Then they start warning you not to make them do it again. Sooner or later something happens (they come home in a bad mood, etc) and they find an excuse to hurt you (again). The circle starts again apologize (I'm sorry), promise (I'll never do it again), blame (if only you had...), threats (be good so I don't have too..), violence... You have to decide for yourself, no one else can do it for you, are you being realistic, will the abuse stop or are you making excuses because you are afraid to leave.
If you want to change your life, if you want the abuse to stop, first you have to accept that "It wasn't your fault!" If you make the decision to leave, then you should also decide, am I leaving and then going to come back or am I going to leave and never come back. If you believe that the abuse would just start again (be honest with yourself) perhaps you need to make a decision such as "there are no second chances, that you are leaving and never come back".
This is your decision, no one else can or should make it for you, all we are suggesting is that when you make a decision, one way or the other, that you should also decide to stick with it, that constantly changing your mind may only make things worse.
Leaving and never coming back sounds scary. As terrible as abuse is, sometimes leaving is too scary. Things like where do I go, where will I live, how will I find a job, how will I eat, etc... can be so scary that you may try to convince yourself to give the abuser one more chance. Then one more chance after that. Then one more chance. Etc.
Stop a minute. Ask yourself, How many times have I given him/her one more chance? If it's more than one, it's probably too many. Yes, a very very few abusers do change, but for everyone that promises to change and does, there are hundreds that promise to change and don't.
Want to leave, but afraid? There are people all over the world that want to help. The people who wrote this letter wrote it because they cared. Hundreds of people researched all kinds of things to help you, because they care. There are hundreds of agencies and organizations just waiting for a chance to help you, because they care. Because they feel you deserve better.
Only one person can make the decision to leave, that is you. What we are trying to do is make it an easier choice for you, to show you that there are people and places you can go for help. We are offering you a place to start, the first step towards a new life, but it's up to you to decide whether to take that first step or not. If you are ready to change your life, start by understanding your fears and what you can do about them..
Let's start "not" by addressing your fears of the abuser, but may be a bigger fear. Your biggest fear is may actually be "Where will I go, who will I talk to and how will I survive if I do leave?"
First, there are all kinds of places on the internet you can go to find out about the causes, effects and feelings associated with being a victim of abuse.
If you have reached the conclusion that you deserve a better life, and that you want to leave, your first concern is where will I go? If you don't have friends or family that can offer you a place to stay, there are abuse shelters, that will offer you a safe place to start your life over. There are abuse agencies and organizations that can offer you call kinds of advice from where to go to how to protect yourself. Some of your concern might have to do with what if the abuser tries to stalk you (how to put stalkers in jail).
Whether the victim is you, or a child that you believe is being abused there are things you can do. For instance we have included pages on law enforcement and power letters (if you know and an abused child and no one will listen to you this tutorial on power letters was written with you, the child and putting the abuser behind bars in mind.) There are state and federal laws to protect you and you can find, read and print them from this website. You can also find the state laws (they are called STATE STATUTES) by visiting the library and asking the librarian to show you the STATE STATUTES ON ABUSE. These are the exact laws on abuse, the responsibilities of the police and the courts to help protect you.
You may also have financial concerns. You can go to an abuse shelter for a few weeks or a few months, the people there will assist you in finding work, but what about money? If you, and you children, need financial assistance there are many public assistance programs that can help. These programs can help with everything from food, shelter, school lunch for the kids, to assistance for those with medical and disabilities. There are even programs to assist the poor with free medications. If you are a senior citizen you might need help with programs like social security. If you buried your emotions (sadness/anxiety/depression) in an addiction such as food, cigarettes, alcohol or drugs there are addiction recovery programs and organizations that can help. Whatever fear you have of facing, we have the information for you here on this site to help you overcome both the problem and the fear of leaving. If we don't, ask and we will put it on the site for you within a few days.
Maybe you need information on the cheapest way to travel by bus, plane or train across the country (online maps) to a safe place and hotels or campgrounds along the way. Maybe you need advice on how to save money on things like cars, homes, apartments, utilities, etc. Perhaps you would like to go back to school but need advice on how to get scholarships, etc... Whatever it is, you can either find it find it here, or you can contact us and we will put the information on the website for you and everyone else.
If you need someone to talk to in an emergency situation or just a listening ear you can call one of the hotlines listed on our website, or you can look in one of the online yellow page directories and type in your city, state and what information you are looking for (abuse, police, suicide, etc) and a listing of local and national numbers will appear on your computer.
Help is a click or a call away, now you know that people care about you, that there are others just like you, that you are not alone and you now have information on how to overcome your biggest fear in life (leaving the abuser and starting over on your own. The decision is yours, and yours alone, no one can do it for you, but if you are ready to start a new life, there are good and caring people all over the world willing to provide you with information on how to begin a new life.
http://www.baddteddy.com/abuse/abuse_haven.html
You are not alone, people do care and you deserve better
P.S. If you received this letter by forwarding, it means that person cares about you too, and so does the person that forwarded it to them, and the person who forwarded it to them, and so on... We all care about you!
http://www.baddteddy.com/abuse/abuse_letter.htm
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Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
76. Unusual fascination with
November 14, 2009 - 2:01am — itreallyisabouthim76. Unusual fascination with body function of bowel movements.
Oh wow! Even THAT trait is one of them? I just posted about ex's horrible dinner table comments about pooping. This list was unbelievable. Like 85% applied to my ex.