How To Tell If He's a Narcissist

How To Tell If He's a Narcissist
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by Ann Bradley

Sometimes your intuition is telling you something just isn't right but you aren't quite sure what it might be. Do you find yourself in a relationship that gives you some concern? Are you afraid this person has some "issues" that might cause a lot of trouble? Does your gut tell you something isn't right? Do some fact checking and answer these questions:

1. Does he rage and then apologize and promise it will never happen again? How many times do you need to see this before you recognize this as a tactic of an abuser? Once is enough. Two times is too much. Go.

2. Is he 'too good to be true'? Is he your soul mate? knight in shining armor? And you know this on the second or third date? Better step back and give this one some time. No one is perfect and often abusers are charming and manipulative.

3. Does he ask you for money? Does he never take you someplace nice for dinner? Being thrifty is fine, but being pathological about money is not. Watch out for clues such as a someone with a good job that never spends money. Narcissists do not have a normal relationship with money.

4. Does he spend money unwisely? The other pathology surrounding money is that of the show - off. The man with huge roll of bills who is always buying drinks for the bar, but doesn't know how to save for the house.

5. Is he insensitive to your needs, often making fun of you? Don't stay with someone who makes you feel bad!

6. Does he have a need to control situations? To control you? While this may feel comforting, it is infantalizing and you are a grown person now who needs to make her own decisions.

7. Does he have a good persona in front of others? Do they think he is "just great"? while you know better?

You have a right to be treated with respect. The narcissist is incapable of doing so. Narcissistic personality disorder is just that - a disorder of the personality. Women in these relationships find that over time things get worse, not better. Don't marry a narcissist. Don't think you can change him. You can't.

You can change yourself. More self confidence will lead to less neediness. It's better to be alone than with an abuser.

Charm is a facade, manipulation will wear you down, and one day you will find dreams have turned into a nightmare if you stay with a toxic guy.

whatever2009's picture

tears.

This actually made me cry today. I have read it before. The thing is im having trouble with self confidence and I know I need it more then ever.

tasha's picture

Funny

I recognise so many of these traits in my XNH, But at the time I just thought

MONEY-that he had been used for it or ripped off.When he asked me for money-that he was just short that week.

RAGE AND THEN APOLOGIZE-that he just had a bad day at work and then another.

NEEDED TO BE IN CONTROL-hated that my family visited on impulse, hated that I would make plans at the last minute, used to talk to me like I was a child and could'nt think for myself. He was often condescending and holier than thou. If I did anything that would improve my situation, try to educate myself of get a job, He would try to sabotage anything that I wanted to do that was positive and would mean growth or indepedence for me.

PERSONA-Was Husband/Father of the year in front of his family, treated the children and I like sh!t in front of my family and friends and did'nt care what onlookers thought.

Its terrible looking back at how XNH treated me. I just did'nt know then.

tasha's picture

Funny

I recognise so many of these traits in my XNH, But at the time I just thought

MONEY-that he had been used for it or ripped off.When he asked me for money-that he was just short that week.

RAGE AND THEN APOLOGIZE-that he just had a bad day at work and then another.

NEEDED TO BE IN CONTROL-hated that my family visited on impulse, hated that I would make plans at the last minute, used to talk to me like I was a child and could'nt think for myself. He was often condescending and holier than thou. If I did anything that would improve my situation, try to educate myself of get a job, He would try to sabotage anything that I wanted to do that was positive and would mean growth or indepedence for me.

PERSONA-Was Husband/Father of the year in front of his family, treated the children and I like sh!t in front of my family and friends and did'nt care what onlookers thought.

Its terrible looking back at how XNH treated me. I just did'nt know then.

Barbara's picture

is he or isn't he?

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(only needs a couple to be N)

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Barbara's picture

is he a narcissist?

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"Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

Barbara's picture

description of a narcissist

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"Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

Barbara's picture

how to tell if he's a narc or not

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Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

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http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Barbara's picture

for goalie1

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"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck