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Recovering from Someone with NPD
Member since:
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42 years 8 weeks
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42 years 8 weeks
42 years 8 weeks
Recovering from Someone with NPD
Posted March 17, 2009 - 9:05am
Hope this helps someone.
excerpt:
The person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
* Lacks the ability to empathize. They can fake it on and off, but if you have enough exposure to the person, eventually you will see this pattern clearly. They may show zero emotion when hearing news of, for example, deep suffering of huge numbers of people.
* Loves attention, even bad attention.
* As psychiatrist Thom Hartmann says, they "Kiss up and Kick Down", meaning they are incapable of having truly healthy relationships. They regard other humans as a kind of resource to be used for their own ends. People they have relationships with become part of their "pyramid marketing scheme downline".
* Goes from incredible highs to deep lows. When they are high, they might not be able to stop talking. When they are low, they struggle to say good morning. (seems bipolar but is not)
* May fly into a rage at the slightest provocation on some days. And at other times, they seem impervious even to the most brutal attack. They might stay awake all night wrestling with a single innocuous thing you said to them the day before, and then launch at you the next day with some bizarre logical conclusion of it.
* When you challenge their behavior, you may quickly move from Friend to Enemy. Sufferers of NPD think in black-and-white terms. You are either "with them or against them".
* Ultimately, they are at the center of the universe. Just like an alcoholic, they will risk a lot to get their next fix.
* Their relationships with newcomers go through three stages that I have identified: (1) Enchantment to (2) Disenchantment to (3) Contempt. [ ] They may go directly to the Contempt stage if the new person show no signs of adoration or reverence early on.
* Often respond in the opposite way to what you might expect. (BACKWARDS reactions - they attack when they should comfort)
* They are attracted to positions of power and particularly those where their decisions are rarely questioned. They regard themselves as "the decider". They often just don't get that others may have a contribution to make to the decision process. You can see that in their language. They talk as if they have the facts. They begin sentences like this "the reality is..." and "the fact is..." and so on.
* NPD starts early and its sufferers have over decades developed an impressive range of dis-empowerment skills, from "you are being too sensitive" to talk about a person being a "good person" or a "bad person".
* They are masters at setting one person against another, and they construct a culture of distrust and hostility.
* They always believe they are right.
From what I have read, NPD sufferers rarely get clinically diagnosed, let alone treated. I can understand that. Just imagine waking up with the notion that you might be afflicted with this condition; you would have to build your life from scratch, even if you did believe treatment were possible - which it's not.
There are plenty of people out there who have suffered at the hands of a Narcissist, and extensive research has been done to help you identify it. The Internet is awash with anecdotes, life stories, and the results of research.
The best thing you can do to protect yourself from a Narcissist is to stay away from them. Give it time and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, if you are exposed to it in someone in whom you have personally invested, will hurt you. I guarantee it. It's a slow nibbling-to-death process.
First, you're attracted to this striking person because you seem to have so much in common with them, and striking they are, as they weave a web around you. They know exactly how to get attention - they've been perfecting the art since childhood. What's really happening is you are being prepared for dinner. Their dinner. And you are but one of their side-dishes. They don't count how many little folks like you they have consumed over the years.
A spider doesn't count the flies he eats and he has no feelings for any of them. The fly is just dinner; that's the fly's place in this world. When you have a relationship with someone under the influence of NPD, you are the fly.
http://portfolio-living.blogspot.com/2007/02/narcissist-as-boss.html
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Recovering from Someone With NPD
January 6, 2010 - 12:23am — Barbara (not verified)READ TOP POST
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The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem
Visit My Abuse Website
recovering from someone with NPD?
September 1, 2009 - 10:29pm — Barbara (not verified)READ THE TOP POST
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"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Nmother
July 15, 2009 - 12:25am — Barbara (not verified)Joan Crawford is much too extreme an example.
Remember the mother in "Everybody Loves Raymond"? That's more like mine. Covert. Seems to be all-loving and sweet. (heck mine even looked like her.)
I was the brunt of everything when my Dad wasn't around. Everything. How I could have been a "hateful baby" as she claimed is beyond me.
My love for my children is unconditional.
But LISTEN to the ACONS on this board when we talk about our NParent(s). And those of you fighting for custody or supervised visitation - READ AND HEED. Keep your children away from the N as much as possible. PLEASE! If you're vacillating about getting out of a marriage/ partnership with an N because you MISTAKELY think 'kids should have both parents' - STOP. An N can never be a true parent. They are torturers of children - emotionally & psychologically. Please don't condemn them to a lifetime of being an NMagnet and forever miserable. Please.
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ACONS
July 15, 2009 - 12:45am — quietude (not verified)Yes, if anyone can keep their kids from being exposed to an N, please do so. To this day, I very much resent my mother who thinks she was a great mom(heh!)...she's in her 70's NOW, and I hardly speak to her, only at the rare family gathering when they are there.
She's selfish, judgemental, emotionally void, shallow as hell, has raged out of control at times, including pinning me to the ground when I was a feaking kid...She has 'jokingly' said many times that she wished she stopped at 3 kids (there are six of us, I'm #4)..how do you think that made me feel? Unwanted, that's how. She was the life of the party, but oddly, my parents had very few friends. My dad worked and went to college full time when I was a kid, so he wasn't around as much as I wanted.
She never did anything to help develop us into successful people, no advice, no nothing. Just criticism, especially of our friends. Of course, we could never tell anyone anything, it was FAMILY BUSINESS. I was always uncomfortable around her and mainly just stayed out of her way. She was very controlling...lots of kids, and very controlling of food.
It was all about HER, the only thing she cared about was my dad and having her spotless house.
To this day, she's so annoying with her name-dropping, and only talking about well-known family members - in the media, etc...She sent me an email not long ago saying, 'we've heard from the other girls, but not you'. Because of guilt, I sent an email to update her. Never heard back - sooo, what was the purpose of sending it???
My point is...having a narc parent has FAR-REACHING effects throughout your whole life, including being targeted by narcs.
"They are attracted to
July 14, 2009 - 11:32pm — devoured_soul"They are attracted to positions of power and particularly those where their decisions are rarely questioned. They regard themselves as "the decider". They often just don't get that others may have a contribution to make to the decision process. You can see that in their language. They talk as if they have the facts. They begin sentences like this "the reality is..." and "the fact is..." and so on."
Thanks for this. My exN on more than one occasion "quoted" the Bible...
"in the Bible, it states that Man should love his wife as Jesus loved the church. And the wife should submit to her husband."
He LOVED to use the Bible as a "weapon", for lack of a better word. It was like the Bible "had his back." His church going was only to uphold his precious image. He didn't care what God thought when he was fucking me while still married and he didn't care what God thought when we had premarital sex but it was soooooo important to not "live in sin". Why? Cuz people would know we lived together...his family and colleagues. No one saw him fucking me. As he put it once, "they can only assume, they don't know for sure, but if we lived together, they'd know for sure."
Sometimes I feel like I am spinning my wheels, going over the same things again and again, reliving it. I feel like I talk in circles cuz that's how it is in my head. No direction, no place to go, no rhyme nor reason. Just a bunch of shit up there, spewing out like an out of control watering system in a yard in the middle of no where with no one watching it, tending to it, making sure it's nourishing the entire lawn as opposed to just spewing a bunch of worthless crap on the weeds and not the grass. UGH.
cosmic narcissism
July 15, 2009 - 12:26am — Barbara (not verified)you would do SOOO much better in therapy. A CBT therapist would help you a lot.
these might also interest you:
http://www.inebriateddiscourse.com/2009/06/cosmic-narcissism-new-psychol...
http://revcjconner.com/?cat=27
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Bible
July 14, 2009 - 11:41pm — JodieMine did the same thing, quoted scripture. Said, "we took vows before God!!" he used to pray out loud every night, holding my hand. He prayed like an experienced preacher then got up the next day and indulged in porn, drugs, fighting, what have you. If those vows meant so much to him he wouldn't be cheating on his wife (me) right now! He's a hypocrite and a fake.
"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."
pretzel logic
July 14, 2009 - 11:29pm — Barbara (not verified)Once in a VERY great while someone will send me something Psycho-Boy's written (on politics) and the pretzel-logic is mind boggling.
They have us soooo brainwashed, we listen to it and figure either WE heard it wrong or WE aren't understanding them... but really they are just idiots!
And I can't stress ENOUGH - I say this to members here ALLLLL the time - THEY ARE NOT NORMAL & THEY LIVE IN THEIR OWN REALITY. I am not making a joke - they are not, in my opinion, even HUMAN. No genuine human would say some of the TWISTED things they do. Genuine humans can be stupid but at least there's some thread of reality there. These people? NOPE. NADA!!!!
(and GOD FORBID you try to tell them they aren't dealing with reality - you'll never hear the end of it)
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My narc has writen lots of
August 16, 2009 - 3:04pm — ScoopMy narc has writen lots of papers recently on politics , when we where together i gently stopped him making many mistakes in his political life but the day after we split up he did a Gerry Muguire type mission statement which has him suspended from our party .
He writes alot about anti racism but he uses hateful slang words to discribe diffrent ethnic groups behind close doors .If he ever climbs the ladder in the political world too high i have many ways to kick him off it , like saved msn messages where he used the "n" word . such is the fog in my brain i compleatly forgot this .
Peru x
perutoo
August 16, 2009 - 4:06pm — Barbara (not verified)Psycho-Boy has a blog and is a BIG DEAL in right wing politics.
if you visit my site about him: http://stumblingblock.wordpress.com - you will see his online nickname - and his blog is linked there within many of the posts.
Can we say HYPOCRITES?
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"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
i couldnt see any
August 16, 2009 - 5:17pm — Scoopi couldnt see any information on this blog site .
Is there another link ?
peru x
perutoo - links
August 16, 2009 - 6:03pm — Barbara (not verified)Psycho-Boy tends to trace back EVERY LINK so I don't want him coming here
his blog is yidwithlid (DOT) blogspot (DOT) com
there are loads of links EMBEDDED on that site within the posts.
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"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Oh my what a load of right
August 17, 2009 - 3:10pm — ScoopOh my what a load of right wing uneducated bollocks , my narc is a Palestinian sympathiser and does some work for the PLO .The fool . Lets lock the both of them in a room and let them fight it out , do us both a favour !Its strange but i really do believe right and left meet round the back , some of the things your narc comes out with is the same as mine but just diffrent targets .
Peru x
perutoo
August 17, 2009 - 3:22pm — Barbara (not verified)hee hee - put your narc on his mailing list...
Psycho-Boy is such a hypocrite - calling people Narcs and liars when he is the biggest one of all. I'm Jewish and a Zionist but I would never project the way he does... he's a projection MACHINE!
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"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
recovering from the narcissist
July 14, 2009 - 8:18pm — Barbara (not verified)~~~~~~~~~~~~
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more for courtneyj
June 4, 2009 - 6:14pm — Barbara (not verified)~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
This is so exact! It answers
March 18, 2009 - 10:11pm — grossotThis is so exact!
It answers my question: Why does he think that way?!
I ask myself this question because of his total inability to accept contridiction. He said "you can't say i've ever been a bad father because I never said you were a bad mother"
Wow.
Lisa, I agree with barara hoping you slapped that N for the not really comment. you should never have been de-valued like that. Must have been confirming for you huh?
I said to my N once "did you ever pray for me?" He said, "yea, I prayed for you all the time; I prayed that you'd love me more and take better care of me"
BTW - I think the mothership dropped them off for a reason - they don't want them; they ponned them off on our poor planet.
nolongercontrolled
The mothership :)
March 19, 2009 - 9:03pm — Lisa E. ScottThanks for the good laugh! Yes, the mothership is definitely not coming back for them and they seem to keep dropping more and more of these alien narcs on our planet every day!
Oh, I kicked him out and slammed the door in his face. That was the last time I saw him.
glad to hear that Lisa
March 19, 2009 - 9:52pm — Barbara (not verified)What a thing to say - JERK
I need to share some of the beauts I heard during or after sex with ex NH (who after 5 years would only have sex when the infertility dr. TOLD HIM TO... and ZERO foreplay - unless it was TO him - NONE for me)
"there's your deposit now leave me alone"
"stop moving - you are such a nympho whore" (hadn't had sex in FOUR MONTHS when I heard that one)
"stop making noise - you are so gross"
"are you done?"
"this is wierd and don't kiss me"
"you enjoy sex? you're sick!"
Lovely - did so much for my self esteem. I refused to initiate after the kids came so there was nothing -- for years & years... yet he blamed me and SWORE he was normal.
Barbara
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
He's not normal. You are.
March 19, 2009 - 10:11pm — grossotHe's not normal. You are. He would think anyone was a "sexual flop" - Sam V. Because he's the greatest thing that ever existed. He probably fantasized himself the whole time.
nolongercontrolled
Thanks
March 19, 2009 - 10:41pm — Barbara (not verified)I know he was just trying to devalue me.
This is where PSYCHO-BOY Got me. Since we'd had a physical relationships years before, he got me to open up about how ex NH had treated me by sharing what a horrible disappointment his wife had turned out to be. A few weeks later he love-bombed me and overwhelmed me sexually before I could even come up for air - typical psychopath - he'd profiled me.
Barbara
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
[BTW - I avoid Sam V. like the plague.
I prefer to get my information from healthier and more credible sources.
FYI - http://enpsychopedia.org/index.php/Sam_Vaknin and http://www.magicreal.com.au/filmandtv.php?film=4]
Narcs and Reality
March 18, 2009 - 5:26pm — Barbara (not verified)His memory may not be selective.
It genuinely may NOT BE THERE.
They believe everything they say AS THEY SAY IT (this is why so many pass lie detector tests). Once said it's gone. POOF...
Here's a good article that shows how deeply messed up and incurable they are from my favorite author on Narcs, the late Kathy Krajco:
A Narcissist's Strange Relationships
A narcissist's strange relationship with himself has many ramifications for his relationship to others, which is just as warped.
He relates to himself as a fictional character. He also authors the story.
Everyone has a personal narrative, but a narcissist's gives new meaning to the term.
He relates to you as but a character, not a real person.
Now, imagine you're a novelist writing away, and some character comes out on the page telling you that, no, the story doesn't go this way: it goes that way.
Bizarre, eh? Well, in a way, that's what you are doing when you contradict the narcissist's fantasy. He has utter, utter contempt for reality and truth. He is the creator of his own universe, which he makes up on the fly.
No exaggeration.
He is like a little child playing Pretend with her friends. She wants to author the story, and her little friends must just play along. She will stamp her foot and yell at a playmate who doesn't like the role she's assigned him and cry, "NO! You're not supposed to that! You're supposed to do this!"
Narcissists don't dare admit that this is what they're up to with their pathological lying. Probably they repress consciousness of it themselves. But this is what they're doing when they tell you bizarre lies that they (should) know you couldn't possibly believe.
They don't want you to BELIEVE it. They just want you to play along. They just want you act as though it's true. They want you not to contradict their fantasy. For, you make it hard for them to maintain their delusions when you don't play along.
That's all they want.
You are NOTHING but a bit character in a story all about them.
Characters aren't persons. Characters aren't human beings with minds and thoughts and feelings. They are figments. Ask any narcissist what they think you think. They will gape at you as if the question doesn't make sense. You might as well ask him what his screw driver thinks.
One might as well have asked Shakespeare what he thought Hamlet thinks about the play.
Hamlet ain't a person. He's just a character. A caricature. A piece on the author's chess board.
And so are you in the smoke and mirrors of a narcissist's world, which is the Twilight Zone.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/08/narcissists-strange-relationships.html
AND ONE MORE FOR YOU:
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/11/disdain-for-reality.html
I loved this article
July 14, 2009 - 10:53pm — JodieI was always bewildered and dumbfounded by the things that would come out of his mouth, it all makes sense now...he REALLY did live in his own twisted fantasy. When I told him he was a drug addict (because he spent countless weekends doing cocaine for many years) he'd always come back with, "No I'm not!!! I'm an athlete!!" or when the therapist said to him ,"I only want you to have eyes for your wife." my N's response was, "Uh! I know! So does she!!" or the time he said he thought it would be really cool to get in a really bad car accident as long as he survived it. I'd never met anyone like him, I was stunned with his logic.
"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."
Huh? what U say?
July 14, 2009 - 11:24pm — JamesJodie,
You really come up with some good ones. How your comments spark a memory I thought I forgot. Thanks!
Yes, it’s strange what they will sometimes. Saying something that made no sense at the time and/or is misplaced in a way. I often wonder if they said just about anything that come to mind before even thinking about it?
For me one was when I came home from work one day and before I could even get my coat off, my ex was sitting at the kitchen table with her hands folded and her head turn sideways not even looking at me. She ask me and stated “Jim, why do people kept taking my kids away from me?â€
Like I stated I just walk through the door so the question caught me by surprise and second her demeanor was, well just kind of strange.
Anyway, I just told her after a few seconds this “D I don't know“. Well the truth is I did know but what I knew isn’t what she wanted to hear. She didn’t want to hear the truth which was she walk out of those children’s life and never attempted to maintain some can of relationship with them.
She had custody rights after the divorce albeit with only supervised visitation but she could have seen them, she could have had some type of contact with them. But she didn’t and instead opt out and never in those 14 years (we were together for 17 years) never tried to see them.
If after 14 years to that date If had learned anything. I have learned never to tell them anything they really don’t want to hear. Why? Because it only will give them a reason to attack you if not now then later and also what you said will be projected on you at a later day as well. While at this time I didn't know anything about personality disorder, I guess I must have done this out of some kind of defend mechanism?
Call it a lie (“D, I don’t know“) or call it anything you might want but what I call it is putting out a fire before it even starts.
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
James
July 14, 2009 - 11:31pm — JodieYes, very strange no doubt. She knew deep down inside, and the fact that she wanted nothing to do with her children is very disturbing, they are great at blaming others. I barely made it out alive after 5 years, I have no idea how you (and others on this board) made it past 10. Bless your souls, I'm serious!!!
"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."
Really I don't?
July 15, 2009 - 12:26am — JamesJodie, truth be told I really don't know that myself and others who had relationships for longer periods then mine. I always contribute it to God blessing for surly I just don't know how I make it out alive and don't believe I ever will.
PS: and thanks for the blessing!!
length of time
July 15, 2009 - 12:31am — Barbara (not verified)exNH and I were married over 20 years.
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unable to communicate with or trust them
July 14, 2009 - 11:38pm — Barbara (not verified)Yes, I know only too well the inability to talk openly to them - about anything.
I went through 12 years of infertility treatments for PCOS. My mother blamed ME for the PCOS and thought I did something to bring it on myself (it's genetic!! I started symptoms at age NINE!) and made devastating comments to me my whole life about the symptoms and what she thought of them. She used this illness of mine like a club to hit me with. Later when I developed Atypical M.S. - same thing, so I told her nothing. One day she told me she was convinced I took 'TOO MANY VITAMINS and ATE TOO MUCH HEALTH FOOD' and that was why I was disabled!! But I had learned when I was young not to talk to her about anything. I went through an awful lot as a child & teen & young adult a l o n e.
The worst was those 12 years of treatments. Every procedure, drug and surgery that was available at the time - I did. And I told her NOTHING. My own mother. I could never look to her for support. It was hard to hold back the laughter when she picked up one of my children one day and said "thank god you didn't do those fertility drugs. You'd have had monster babies." ...if only she knew.
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Barbara
July 15, 2009 - 12:06am — JodieI truly feel for you. I know what it's like to have a N husband and father, but to have one for a mother must be even more traumatizing. Moms are supposed to heal, nurture, protect, love, show empathy. I'm sorry she was so cruel, reminds me of Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest. At least you have your own children now ;)
"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."
Jodie
July 14, 2009 - 11:12pm — Lisa E. ScottHe's an athlete?! What a joke. He thinks doing lots of cocaine makes him an athlete. What a moron. You are so lucky to be rid of him.
LOL yep. He's an idiot!
July 14, 2009 - 11:22pm — JodieLOL yep. He's an idiot! Thanks Lisa...good to be moving on with my life ;)
"Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."
What a great piece. I loved
March 18, 2009 - 5:29pm — better offWhat a great piece. I loved the part that said about lies..."They don't want you to BELIEVE it, they just want you to play along." That describes SO WELL the fantasy life my N wanted to have with me. And of course the internet makes it so much easier to have such a fantasy life.
the internet & their fantasy life
March 18, 2009 - 5:38pm — Barbara (not verified)Here's a good site about what internet fantasies do to the innocent these pathologicals involve:
http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com
The Face of Evil
March 17, 2009 - 6:28pm — Barbara (not verified)I may sound harsh but I really don't think they are human. Some are just evil.
Here's a take on that: http://www.fact.on.ca/news/news0001/np000107.htm
Wow
March 17, 2009 - 4:26pm — JodieFits my N to a T. The thing that was most confusing for me was that one day he would be outraged over something petty, but the next day I could totally insult him and it wouldn't faze him. He built me up more than anyone I'd ever been with...but just as quickly he'd bring me down with the dogs. It was this back and forth kind of abuse. "You're beautiful, you're amazing, you're so smart...etc. etc." to "You're white trash, you're a hillbilly, you're a psycho..." I never knew WHAT I was to him.
It's amazing once you do leave them, they really truly do not care. I mean, it's baffling. They aren't able to establish any bonds so spending 5 years with them is like spending 3 months. I remember asking him "Do you feel closer to me now than you did when we first started dating 5 years ago?" His response, "Ehhh closer? No, not really." Who ARE these people?????
for sure for sure
July 14, 2009 - 11:47pm — James"He built me up more than anyone I'd ever been with...but just as quickly he'd bring me down with the dogs."
Jodie I remember how she made me feel, like a knight in shinning armor and a great lover roll up in one..
Well, that's before the crushing blows to my heart self-esteem and knighthood.
"No, not really"
March 18, 2009 - 12:45am — Lisa E. ScottThey are inhuman. They have no ability to feel. The "not really" comment reminds me of one time I asked the narcissist I was dating:
"Do you have any feelings for me outside the bedroom?"
His response: "No, not really."
OMG
July 14, 2009 - 11:42pm — James"His response: "No, not really.""
Lisa, he didn't say that did he???, Well yes of course he did but OMG some of the BS that just comes out of their mouth is totality unbelievable.. Guess I never get use to that, huh??
Lisa
March 18, 2009 - 5:47pm — Barbara (not verified)"Do you have any feelings for me outside the bedroom?"
His response: "No, not really."
Please tell me you slapped him.
Hard.
I wish their Mothership would come back for them.
impossible to understand
March 18, 2009 - 3:15pm — cassiemayAll of the comments remind me too of things my STBX said or did. When I threw down my sack of saved cards he had given me over 21 years of marriage, all very loving and "appreciative". he looked as if he had just arrived from another planet. Like....
"I said that or wrote that?" When I reminded him of how he had apologized profusely for his first affair and told me that he "adored" me, couldn't believe how he "almost gave this up", did I have any idea "how much " he loved me his response was: "I don't remember that." Well, as you all know, I rememberd it like yesterday because it was the only thing that kept me in the marriage at that point. I foolishly believed he had been sincere and had "learned" something important. Oh but...."gee....I don't REMEMBER that."
His memory of things that happened or were said between us is so completely different from mine that it still amazes me. And I can definitely say that MY memory is the correct one because I was So focused on Exactly what he said that there was No distortion or mistake. I would even write it down after the conversation, just to make sure I wasn't crazy. Oh, but....I could never convince him of what he had said or done. "I didn't say that. I didn't do that." Funny how "selective" memory can be, isn't it? CM
Anyone else?
July 15, 2009 - 12:01am — JamesHas anyone else thought about or is thinking about carrying around a tape recorder whenever we talk to them? So we can play back to tape to make sure what they said is in fact what was said? I know I many times told her in the past that I should do that because we would disagree so many times about what was said or what wasn't said.
I did that
July 15, 2009 - 12:30am — Barbara (not verified)With exNH.
Numerous times.
When I played them back he'd swear every time that I had somehow "doctored the tape" because he'd "NEVER say that!"
Finally he grabbed the microrecorder one time and threw it against the wall saying "instead of listening to that thing why aren't you listening to me?"
Hand
Forehead
Staple....
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Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Ditto on That!
July 14, 2009 - 11:56pm — Jamescassiemay
Really, that's the hardest part of all this crazy making. It's almost like there were to separate life's being lived at the same time. Their reality and then our reality! I often wonder what reality I belong too whenever she thought about me, or did she think about me???
Question, questions..
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
This hits home
March 18, 2009 - 5:14pm — quietude (not verified)He at times pulled this on me as well, and after a while it wasn't worth the tiresome arguments. Eventually, I just would say something like, "I must have heard you wrong then". It's not that I really did think that, but I said that to just put an end to it.
What a cruel thing to do, and how sad that it's more important to them to win then to maybe agree, or *gasp* consider your feelings?
Whatever D
July 15, 2009 - 12:42am — James"He at times pulled this on me as well, and after a while it wasn't worth the tiresome arguments. Eventually, I just would say something like"
Same here quietude, after awhile the boys and I would just say "sure whatever D/mom whatever". It got to be a type of habit for us because we said it so many times just to avoid a fight and/or disagreement. Boy does it ever get tiresome!! We just get sooooo tired of it!!
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Narcs and Truth
March 18, 2009 - 5:48pm — Barbara (not verified)Of course its impossible to understand. YOU are normal - they are PATHOLOGICAL. Thank GOD you can't understand that!!
This may help:
Truth as a Relative Quantity
by Kathy Krajco
...like little children, narcissists view truth as a relative quantity, not an absolute.
People whose thinking is thus screwed up go around talking about "your truth" and "my truth," "your reality" and "my reality." They have conveniently slipped from acknowledging that people have different points of view (and therefore different perspectives) into the logical error that they actually view different objects or events.
I mentioned that such people think to determine THE truth by making their version bigger than yours. This is why people whose thinking is thus screwed up go around talking as though truth is determined by popular opinion. For example, here's the typical anti-American's favorite club:
"The whole world hates you Americans, so you're hateful."
(Sorry, Charlie, the people full of hate are the hateful ones.) Anti-Americanism is collective narcissism, and we see the same behavior pattern in individuals suffering from NPD.
They want to be better than you, so they go and tell everybody some big lie about you. Then they say ...
"You are a bad person because everybody says so."
They thus make "their truth" bigger than yours by ganging up on it. The "truth" is thus determined by popular vote. To a narcissist, truth is nothing more than a perception, a thing that may be falsified.
If your brain is programmed with that logical error, it acts as a virus in a computer does, screwing up your reasoning ability. This is why willful irrationality (if habitual) damages mental health and can end in insanity.
So, it ain't smart to trash your mind by deluding yourself and "rationalizing" things. That's what narcissists do to themselves by being Peter Pans who refuse to grow up = refuse to put away Magical Thinking at the Age of Reason like children normally do.
You can understand why they like it in Never-Never Land and refuse to come out. But it's such a tragedy. For themselves and for everyone they attack ever after.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2006/02/truth-as-relative-quantity.html
What he said
August 16, 2009 - 4:02pm — Rose-MarieI often wondered whether he remembered saying something obnoxious when he denied saying it the next day "I didn't say that, you didn't hear properly, you have defective hearing." So I really didn't know whether he suffered from genuine selective memory or was actually being calculatingly abusive.
One thing which will always stick in my mind was on the day I walked out on him when his abuse had passed the point of no return. As I went to walk out the door he said to me
"You know where I am if you need me". I looked at him and said "Why would I need YOU, I would need you like I would need a hole in the head!"
When I (stupidly) returned a few hours later, he asked me why I had said that I wished he had a hole in his head?
I said that? Huh, I don't think so, but it shows how they just don't get it.
Rosy P
recovering
August 15, 2009 - 5:36pm — Barbara (not verified)SEE TOP POST
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