I searched this site in the hopes of finding others who have experienced sometimes debilitating confusion--not just about the N, or leaving, but literally, not to be able to complete otherwise normal tasks.

I wrote about this here, because I was really concerned that survivors would not be able to see that this is one result of PTSD, which is what happens when you live with an N. When you've literally been brainwashed for years (decades in my case), you can and do suffer from some forms of cognitive impairment. If you start to notice these subtle behavioral changes in yourself, you are more motivated to GTF out, and kinder towards yourself when you're not operating up to par by your own standards.

Anybody confused? Not about the N, but are you really having trouble focusing and completing tasks?

don't backpedal - I get it.

what you said was a VERY CLEAR AND POWERFUL STATEMENT of your inner negative self-talk. Do the exercise I told you about. Please!

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My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

it's PTSD

NO MORE CALLING HIM - NO MORE. The more you do, the more you will have these incidents.

Do this for YOU!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

let's hope you are right about the antidepressants.

let me know.

Remember they take a good 4-6 weeks to really notice any significant difference.

Hang tough.

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Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

I totally agree with Lisa - do this for you.

Maybe you don't wait for your boiling point. Maybe you tell yourself (like I did) that you are disgusted and fed up. Enough is enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

are you in counseling or coaching?

that would help you tremendously

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

You're trauma bonded and brainwashed, whatever...

excerpts:
This seeking of proximity is not the same thing as having bonded with her the way she has bonded with him. That level of bonding would require the full spectrum of connections in the emotional brain, which the psychopath does not have. There are numerous emotions that the psychopath lacks that are required for natural bonding.

However, he does have the ability to “attach.” That level of attachment only requires the desire to be around a “special person” and pleasure from that person. Although psychopaths do not get much pleasure from affection, power is very pleasurable for them. Psychopaths seek others because it is through human contact that they get to experience their Central Three: power, status, and dominance. Relationships are the only avenues from which they obtain the Central Three.

Psychopaths, therefore, do seek out relationships and “attach” to the people who become a vehicle for their dominance.

The love bond transcends hate, so she remains bonded in spite of her loathing.

In one sentence he is likely to say how attached and bonded he is and in the next sentence remind her how disposable she is or how he will leave her or the relationship. Some psychopaths don’t say it out right but “hint” or leave clues lying about that they are thinking of leaving, or they become aloof, detached, disinterested, and distant.

With a complete straight face, he can say one thing and do another, do something and say the opposite, or say and do the opposite of what he did last week. These dichotomies produce serious distress in the women because of the chronic instability in the relationship. As they try to align themselves with his belief system, it shifts. As they try to align with his behaviors or promises, these shift. This constant shifting and moving keeps women off-balance and continuously striving to stabilize the relationship.

This flip/flop of contradictory/opposite behavior and traits are what we refer to as the dichotomies of the pathological love relationship.

The dichotomies represent the existence of both the good and the bad shown at different times in the relationship. They begin when the psychopath can no longer completely function in the mirage he first created.

The more invested she is, the harder it is for her to disengage from her internal relationship reward system and leave the psychopath. Her high relationship investment can do nothing but benefit the psychopath, while his low relationship investment has disaster written all over it for her.

She thinks about leaving or takes steps to leave the relationship and that triggers profound anxiety in her. Without friends and family as support to help her manage her anxiety, she is in need of anxiety relief.

When we wonder why it’s difficult for women to leave psychopaths, the difficulty is connected at least in part, to how trance has affected her state dependent learning of motivation to leave and her actual performance of leaving.

- WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Why? Because of his PATHOLOGY.

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Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Try and think of his words to you and his telling you that he doesn't do relationships as a game like chess or maybe even like marketing. Remember the cabbage patch dolls and beanie babies. they just said they didn't have enough to go around and people lined up for blocks all over the country to get a chance to buy them.In reality it was just a marketing trick to make people anxious to buy one and there were plenty of dolls to sell. they just wanted consumers to be desperate to get one! He is telling you he is not available so you want to do what you can to make him available to you.He is your beanie baby. He is manipulating you to a place where he can control you totally and harm you. It is an intellectualy driven abuse of your emotions.

If he doesn't do girlfriends, is a sex addict, and you have other ideas for what you want just cut it off-take back your power and do lisa's suggestion of no contact ever.

It means a lot to me and I have already started to work on not caring so much about his moods and sulking, manipulative fits. We have actually been in counselling for a while, marriage and individual counselling. I go pretty frequently to help me cope but our marriage counsellor was very negative and all he ever talked about was divorce which depressed me even more. But he did do something interesting, he insisted on pressing my husband why he felt it ok to tell me what to wear but not care what I told him what to wear. My husband puts on a very good front/face for counsellors I have come to learn. Ns are beguiling I am learning (or conversely downright disdainful which my ex was). Everyone loves my current husband and thinks he is so nice and wonderful etc and I should be happy I have such a good husband and father. What they do not see is this other side that wreaks havoc on my peaceful sensibilities. But every now and then this side takes control of him when we are out and a few of my girlfriends have noticed it and were pretty alarmed at how pissed off he seemed to be. They've said wow I can see why you say that brings you down. I don't even wanna be around him now when he is acting like that. They are like...why? I'm like... I don't know. Maybe because he doesn't like what I'm wearing, what my daughter is wearing, or how she might be acting, or that his hair did not go quite as well as he wanted. A myriad of reasons to which I never know. It's always something. They say, that can't be good for your daughter. To which of course I agree. So last night, I came home and read your posts. I felt better (and empowered!) and I was very cool and disarmed. I did not go out of my way to be warm and friendly which I normally am, I came in and stated that I did not like how he threw everything around the house and would he please clean up after himself. He made dinner to which I helped but I was distant. I told myself that I don't have to worry about being this way, he never worries about being distant from me. He said wow you're in a mood! I said o no not at all, just keeping to myself kind of like how you always do. He said ok, fair enough. And then I said very matter-of-factly, "o and by the way, you will no longer address our daughter at mealtimes regarding her eating. I will do that from now on. Say nothing at all. Is that understood?" Well, that certainly got his attention! He said "Yes understood. I'm happy not to." LIE! And when dinner rolled around what a chipper pleasant man sitting across from me. A different person I'd say! I said "Wow how pleasant you are this evening! What a nice change. Do you think you can be like this more often, it beats the norm". He said "It can quickly change trust me". I said "O no I much prefer this." to which he said "I cannot be like this all the time." To which I said "Well then next time when I make you aware of how unpleasant you are being, you will no longer deny it and say that it is my imagination because you will know and understand that it is indeed the OPPOSITE of how you are behaving now...which is PLEASANT and therefore a nice change". He was loving to me all night. He was kind and he was complimentary. He was sweet and playful with my daughter. He was doing damage control I'd guess. And this is what I have been falling for every time. But last night, I was wiser and less reactive emotionally meaning I did not fall for this act this time only to see that other more frequent man-child rear its ugly head again. It's tough to wake up and realize you are not in a romantic marriage but a manipulative and too-often difficult one where I am expected to play a game AT ALL TIMES and at ANY GIVEN TIME to receive love and affection. He has evidently chosen a needy woman w/ low self-esteem issues due to the break-up of my first marriage and he plays me (unwittingly perhaps but nonetheless). I can no longer be needy. The less I care about and for him it seems the better off I will be...and after all it seems he set it up this way anyway. It almost seems like the N sabotages himself and his relationships himself. But why???