Lisa E. Scott

The Importance of Victims' Journalling

The Importance of Victims' Journalling
Posted Tue, 03/03/2009 - 13:21

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to share something with you all that has been immensely helpful for me personally in trying (still!) to come to grips with all that has happened between my N and myself. I started keeping a journal about 3 years ago when things really started going downhill. I would write down what happened and always post the date (important!), and of course my feelings about the event or interaction. As I did it it provided a realease of sorts for my emotions, but more importantly, as time has passed I often go back and re-read my entries. It absolutely amazes me how helpful that has been because you begin to really see and remember the patterns. There are things I had completely forgotten about that as I reflect back from reading help me to get a sense of the "bigger picture". This is especially helpful to me when I start entertaining thoughts about wanting him back. It helps me realize that such a choice would be CRAZY.

Thanks, CM

Who Did I Marry? ›

journaling

Sun, 03/07/2010 - 20:09 — lili124

Thanks CM for that post. I also journaled for the last three years and it has been helpful for me to go back and see all of the patterns that I overlooked.

PEACE

Wed, 11/18/2009 - 05:57 — grossot

Peace

You took a piece of me
When we first exchanged a glance
You took a piece of me when
I first gave you a chance

You took a piece of me
Crying and capturing me
Melting my heart
Heavily and silently

You took a piece of me
When you became cold
You took a piece of me
With abuse that can’t be told

You took a piece of me
With the words you spoke to others
With your uncanny wit
And the way in which you smother

You took a piece of my
Little girl; she’s confused,
And lost and scared
You cannot see it; how could you
You would have to have a heart
That isn’t completely bare

Once again it’s all about You
Anyone else would feel shame
But no, not you
You just take a piece of me
With your mind games; shifting blame

I hate to have to tell you
But I’ve taken back the PEACE
Most of the pieces you will
Forever keep

However, I feel it is important
For PEACE to come back to me
What I’m taking back won’t
Cost you any money

So I’ll be taking back, dear
Just this little PEACE
I’m sure you will not care
It’s well with my reach

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

That is a good poem.

Sun, 02/14/2010 - 18:25 — narcsurvivor

That is a good poem.

journaling--the need for an emotional outlet

Thu, 07/30/2009 - 00:25 — faithful

I did not journal in detail but kept a log. Interestingly, most of the time I was unable to write many thoughts due to my hands shaking from the emotion of my experience. I have decided now that it was a Godsend.

It would be very painful to relive details of the trauma... even in the future. I did see that keeping at least dates and some records revealed a pattern and gave credibility to my story for others.

I have chosen to leave those memories behind... that is the best way for me to heal. I do believe that having an emotional outlet (journaling, counselling, praying,) for the tension and stress is therapeutic. I encourage anyone still in a relationship with this illness to have that outlet.

It's not in the details

Thu, 07/30/2009 - 16:45 — James

I too notice how sometimes my journal reads more like a log sometimes. I can understand how emotional it gets whenever we try to put it into black and white. While journalism and/or logging it help me in a way rid myself of it if just for awhile. But I too can remember pounding on my key board many of times and late into the night.

Thanks for sharing faithful.

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

writing as a way of healing

Thu, 08/27/2009 - 16:51 — Barbara (not verified)

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/27/one-bad-part-my-story-has-bee...

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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily

"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. B

Yes, absolutely..

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 23:03 — Debra

When you write it down and then read it back the truth becomes apparent.

Journaling has allowed me to examine the experience with N objectively.

You are 100% correct. Wanting them back would be nuts..

the importance of journaling

Wed, 07/15/2009 - 14:08 — Barbara (not verified)

by (the late) Kathy Krajco

A little serendipity that may benefit some of you. As you know, I am a tennis pro and freelance editor. One thing I do to keep up with the latest news about the pro tennis scene for my blog is read Peter Bodo's blog. The other day he mentioned something that I already knew so well I take it for granted, as if everyone knows it. But why should everyone know it? Because not everyone is a writer - of a blog or opinion pieces or essays.

When my editor James Martin came to me and asked how I felt about writing an essay highlighting what I felt the new generation of young 'uns could learn from past champions, I answered, "sure." Of course I had no idea where I would go with that, and this is one of the great pleasures of writing an essay. One of the reasons I've stubbornly continued to be a writer is because writing about something is the best way I know to figure out how I really feel about it, and I'm the sort of person who always likes to be able to say why he likes - or dislikes - something. I don't know, just because I like it, just doesn't cut it. And trying to write clearly and logically tends to be a pretty good check on prejudice and preconception; it's amazing how often I'll write a few sentences and then realize that they don't really stand up to close scrutiny. It may seem strange for a writer of commentary and opinion to put it this way, because I imagine the popular assumption is that I have my ideas and theories, and then try to articulate and justify them in prose. That happens, sometimes. But most of the time, writing is a journey of discovery. I finish a story, or post, or scene in a novel and realize it went somewhere entirely different from where I vaguely expected it to go.

Exactly. I used to say that writing is thinking. It not only helps you get in touch with your feelings and explore a topic, but that white sheet of paper leaves no place for prejudice, denial, anti-logic, half-truth, or any other form of sloppy thinking to hide.

I don't know for sure, but I think this is why some authorities suggest that the victims of abuse journal.

When you do, you go through the process that Bodo is talking about. I have but one bit of advice to add.

Remember that journaling is private writing. Like a diary. It is as sacrosanct as the privacy of the mind. It has no audience. You need that privacy to have the freedom to be brutally honest. If you journal in pain, you may feel like shouting your words from the highest mountain top, but a few years later, you'll be glad you kept these thoughts to yourself. You may even delete them.

That's okay. You've forgotten your other thoughts from that long ago too.

But you will have achieved a clarity and understanding that will benefit you for the rest of your life.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com

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Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily

Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths

Writing is healing

Tue, 03/03/2009 - 17:30 — Lisa E. Scott

Dear CassieMay,

As usual,you make such a good point. Journaling is extremely helpful. Not only is it healing to get your feelings out by writing them down, but you can look back and remind yourself of his actions. Believe me, you will need to do this, especially if you are just in the process of ending it with a narcissist.

Narcissists are extremely charming and convincing. They are intelligent and will find ways to make you second-guess yourself even after you leave them. I know I entertained the idea of going back to him several times after our separation. Instead of doing this, I looked back at what I had written down...things he had said to me or done that were horribly cruel. This stopped me from responding to him or entertaining any ideas that I should take him back. Write it down so you can refer to it in times of need! You'll be glad you did!

Best,
Lisa

If you are not keeping a journal I suggest u start

Wed, 07/01/2009 - 08:59 — Ma_Fury

It is great I have done the same thing. I knew what I was dealing with, but was out of control. It helped me sort my thoughts at the time. Now I use it as a reminder as well.

EVEN more IMPORTANT.....I had to press charges because he hit me. By having a record with dates I was able to provide information that I know I would not have remembered otherwise. He had threatened me previously and I had the dates written down, in addition to numerous other physical and verbal incidents.

I had no idea I would need this someday!!!

Journaling

Fri, 07/03/2009 - 00:01 — James

Journaling is extremely important whenever we feel emotionally and/or psychologically burden. The old saying the pen is mightier then the sword holds great truth here. Whenever we journal or keep a daily tab by documenting information about our self and others it allow us to review reflect and revaluate it at a later time in our busy life’s.

Personally speaking journaling helped me keep control over my sanity and emotions. When at this time in my personal life things were spinning out of control, journaling help me think that I had some control if only though my writing.

Now if we added the extra emotional and psychological burden of being involved with someone acting completely out of character when going though something one might experience with someone that show strong traits of suffering from a personality disorder. Journaling can and would be of great help in trying to understand some of the “crazy making” emotional negative manipulation and deep emotional pain you are feeling at that time.

Whenever journaling because you visit some new distance country to refresh your memory at a later time for the pure enjoyment of this experience. Journaling when going through emotional turmoil can too jump start these emotions allowing one to relive them in a way and then possibly make sense of something that at the time made no sense to you at all..

How important was journaling to me? Well, let’s just say it save my sanity in the mists of insanity.

To view my personal journal I invite readers to my personal blog site: http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

So to all those journalist out there and on the web. I do hope you keep writing for you may never know what knowledge and insight one will find in their writing.

journaling

Mon, 11/02/2009 - 13:52 — Selena12 (not verified)

I'm new here but I would suggest caution with blogging. My xN and his buddies track me down on the internet and so even what I write at this site is susceptible to their spying eyes. Apart from this I think it's hurtful for an N to have access to what I think. I've been anger out for a while - guess I'm human too, but I wish for him to have the courage to find help for his problem - and his being able to see my thoughts on the problem only enables his problem - as it gives him more attention. I see it as a form of NS. So I keep a log - but on paper, not the net. It seems anything I say in my defense he reacts with anger and this anger has manifested itself in ugly harassment. In my log I tag information from the past - putting dates and events together - as a form of evidence or testimonial to what has happened and to counter his constant lies. I also keep track of harassment that has gone on the net - sometimes it's harsh and undeserved criticism, other times it's love messages (a trick - when I give in he only becomes arrogant with me and insults me). It's very hard to shake my sense of reality, but keeping a log and letting close friends in on what is happening is good to maintain that firm grasp on what is really going on and to keep from having an N distort that.

Trauma & the Benefits of Writing

Wed, 11/25/2009 - 22:29 — Barbara (not verified)

By Art Markman, Ph.D.

Psychological trauma is bad for your health. The stress of abuse, violence, or the unexpected death of a loved one can cause all sorts of health problems. People suffering after these events may stop working effectively in school or at their jobs. They may lash out at friends, family, and coworkers. They may experience significant illnesses as stress depresses their immune systems.

Why does psychological trauma have these long-lasting effects.?

One reason for the stress of psychological trauma is that our representations of these traumatic events are fragmented. Psychologically traumatic events are ones that have no good explanation. The sudden death of a loved one may seem senseless. Abuse you suffer is a betrayal of a sacred trust. You have painful facts with no story to bind them together.

Because these memories and events are painful, our natural tendency is to avoid thinking about them. We suppress thoughts about these negative events and hope they will go away. But, they don't.

The mind is most settled when there is coherence to our thoughts. We seek to resolve conflicting thoughts by remembering them and processing them. So, a dangerous cycle can develop with traumatic events. Because they are fragmented, there are constant reminders of them. But, because they are painful, we do not process them deeply. And so, we suffer the stress of remembering a painful situation without resolving the incoherence.

Research by my colleague Jamie Pennebaker and his colleagues suggests that one of the best therapies for this kind of psychological trauma is also one of the simplest: writing. He describes this procedure in a 1997 paper in Psychological Science. People are asked to spend three consecutive days writing about one or more traumatic events. They are encouraged to really explore the thoughts and emotions surrounding the event, and to tie it to relationships with significant others. In studies of this technique, people doing this writing are compared to others who write about unemotional topics like time management.

As you might expect, writing about these emotional events was very difficult for people. They did not enjoy the experience, and they found it painful. However, the long-term effects of this writing were fascinating. If you followed the people in these studies over time, they reported fewer illnesses, they went to the doctor less often, and they suffered fewer symptoms of depression in the future. They were less likely to miss work and school, and their performance at work went up. These effects lasted for months and years after writing.

What is particularly interesting about this procedure is that it is just an effect of writing about these events. The people doing the writing do not have to believe that anyone will ever read what they wrote. So, the benefit of writing is not in disclosing this personal information to someone else. The benefit is in creating a story that links together the emotional memories. Making these traumatic events more coherent makes memories of these events less likely to be repeatedly called to mind, and so they can be laid to rest.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/33934

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The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

Barbara

Thu, 11/26/2009 - 06:56 — grossot

I love your new quote:-)

I think I'm also going to get a shoe box and label it PSYCHOPATH and as I recall stories; jot them down and throw them in.

On second thought, perhaps I should use a refrigerator box!

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Blogging

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 18:19 — James

For sure one should always be careful whenever blogging or just writing on any forum. These are public places so use care and caution. But facts are facts and truth is truth. Like bones one can't ever bury them deep enough for sooner or later truth shines through and facts are uncovered no matter how many lies one tries to hide them with..

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/