Narcissists, lethal psychological abuse

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#1 Jun 24 - 8AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Narcissists, lethal psychological abuse

Most narcissists are not physical abusers, not life threatening, they are life and mind altering, you will never be the same. Psychological abuse is their weapon of choice, one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It destroys, confidence, creativity and individuality.

We are told we shouldn't feel the way we feel
We are dictated not to feel the way we feel
We are told we are too sensitive too dramatic
We are ignored
We are judged

We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel. People who are being, physically,verbally, financially, or sexually abused are not getting their feelings about it respected or even acknowledged. This is the fundamental problem with abuse--no regard for the FEELINGS of the victim. When our feelings are not respected we are being used and ABUSED again.

IGNORING YOUR FEELINGS is the worst abuse there is, ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED DENIES YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR REALITY. People who have been abused are not getting their feelings and their reality respected or acknowledged, that is psychological abuse or mental torture, what you can't put your finger on, is psychological abuse. Abusers also attack and undermine all the "things" we do, but when they invalidate our FEELINGS about it all, a person can figuratively, if not literally drive another person crazy, which is why we feel crazy. The more sensitive the person, the more serious the damage of invalidation.

Ignoring your feelings and your reality undermines self confidence because it causes self doubt, this in turn diminishes self esteem. Invalidating or ignoring your feelings is a serious violation of one's, TRUE SELF. I think it is the worst crime one person can commit against another without lifting a finger against them. It is neither illegal, immoral, nor even recognized or included in the definition of domestic abuse. I think emotional abuse needs to be replaced with the word psychological abuse.The public in general understands domestic violence as physical abuse but does not understand the dynamics of an emotional abusive relationship, the worst damage done is to the spirit and our minds. That takes the biggest tole on all of us, the wounds no one can see.

Psychological abuse of men and women is widely accepted and tolerated because no one understands what is going on or about personality disorders, including the victims. Isn't it time for a more clear definition of domestic abuse,more information on personality disorders, physical abuse is horrible, but the body will heal, the other, psychological abuse, is "soul murder" a crime against humanity, but it is not a crime in our courts. IGNORING OR INVALIDATING your FEELINGS is PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. They tell you what to do and what a bad job you do of it but don't let anyone ever dictate how you are SUPPOSE TO FEEL ABOUT IT ALL.Narcissists do not have empathy or feelings, don't believe them, trust your feelings and your reality always, not theirs. If you feel invalidated, mocked or judged when you talk about your feelings, your reality, they have no respect for you, they don't care about you, your feelings, or about reality, they are trying to manipulate,change and control you, that is psychological abuse.

Self esteem primarily depends on our "feelings" about ourselves, but it is bolstered when we are surrounded by those with whom we feel, appreciated, admired, loved, supported, respected, valued and understood, especially from some one who is suppose to love you, your partner. It is psychological abuse to with hold all of that from you and then ignore the pain and suffering it causes you, your feelings. Knowledge and information is power, the more we understand about all the types of abuse, realize abusers and narcissists are damaged people, NOT US. Everyone needs to know that most abusers and narcissists can not be helped or fixed. Denying your reality and you feelings, acting like nothing happened is psychological abuse, worse than the actual abuse that occurred. Some things I have read and learned as I work at trying to understand myself, and how this happens to so many of us.

Well, Ella,the ACLU will never let us tag narcissists with a warning label, it would violate their rights, since their weapon of choice is WORDS, that would be freedom of speech. All we have are the wounded warriors that have fought this battle to spead the word and warning to others. Like you I would like more reseach and national attention and talk about this disorder, which I believe is more of a genetic malfunction of the brain,they get apathy, not empathy, but that is another topic to discuss. I have some warnings posted at Oprah's abuse site which is not very active,you can't put in web sites so I suggested to do a search for vainencounters to direct some to your site.We are minority but we have to get the word out there, too many people do not know about narcissistic personality disorders, thank you for your efforts and this site. hugs mamolie

Mar 17 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Pathologicals

From what I have learned, pathologicals fall on a spectrum. Narcissism would be at the low end (which is still BAD) increasing Narcissistically up to Sociopath/Psychopath (and these guys are mostly sub-criminal...) All Psychopaths are Narcissists but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths. Pathologicals can NOT be cured, LOVED more or HELPED in any way shape or form. They are rarely helped by therapy - usually only helps them to learn the lingo to "pass" as normal. They have the inability to grow, to learn or to sustain change. By every real expert in this field they are considered INCURABLE and ULTIMATELY HARMFUL! It's a matter of degree. But its best to remember that ANY sort of relationship with a pathological is DOOMED and we are DOOMED if we stay. I watched what being married to a Narc did to my father. Ladies, for goodness sake get out. Barbara http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Mar 18 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Pathologicals

Interesting stuff, Barbara. All Psychopaths are Narcissists, but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths. Thanks, as always, for sharing your insight.
Mar 3 - 9AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Mamolie That was a great

Mamolie That was a great comment. the more information that women have the better they can defend themselves and their children. Bi-polars can be violent but the others just 'mess with your mind' and they are so talented at it,as they canhave high intellectual intelligence-they just have very low emotional intelligence and according to studies at UCLA Med School and other Universities in Canada and the US these personality disorders are not psychological but genetic problems that come from an area in the anterior lobe of the brain and affect emotional intelligence. many of the manipulative and controlling behaviors that narcissists and other personality disorders demonstrate are similar to the tactics that children show. Children can be very cruel, they want center stage or they do a drama, they are difficult when they want to be alternating with loving behavior-it is all about them. They are children. When these behaviors are done by adults they are menacing, threatening, destructive, and traumatize their 'victims' that is why the only answer is to get away. Talk therapy cannot change the genetic composition of someones brain. In some disorders there are medicationsthat stabilize mood but the best thing is to bail before you sink. these folks are the emotional titanic:a beautiful beginning to the cruise-ending in a terrible finish.
Mar 4 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
grossot
grossot's picture

I'm so tired of my mind

I'm so tired of my mind being messed with! It's little things like when I ask where my daughter is going to be after he tells me she has a play date he says 'with me' instead of answering the question 'where'. AGGGGGHH! so frustrating!!!!!!!! I tell people and they just don't understand! I'd be more productive banging my head against a wall than talking to my N. At least you all understand! You guys get it! Too bad we have to go through hell on earth before we really understand narcissism. nolongercontrolled
Mar 5 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Banging your head against the wall

Hi Grossot - I totally know what you mean. I felt like I was banging my head against the wall for years with my ex. They really know how to push your buttons to the point you start losing your sanity. At least I know, I did. Don't let him see that he frustrates you. It will only encourage him to do it more. Hang in there. It will get better with time!
Mar 3 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Narcissists are like Emotional Titanic

Carolyn - thank you for your contributions. You are so insightful. I love what you say about narcissists: "these folks are the emotional titanic:a beautiful beginning to the cruise-ending in a terrible finish." Best, Lisa
Jun 30 - 5PM
Lisa Scott (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hi Mamolie, So great to hear

Hi Mamolie, So great to hear from you. Thank you for joining my new forum! I believe if we stick to it, we can make a difference and help others in need. Thanks for letting people know about this forum. I totally agree with what you said when you wrote: Ignoring your feelings and your reality undermines self confidence because it causes self doubt, this in turn diminishes self esteem. Invalidating or ignoring your feelings is a serious violation of one's, TRUE SELF. I think it is the worst crime one person can commit against another without lifting a finger against them. It is neither illegal, immoral, nor even recognized or included in the definition of domestic abuse. I think emotional abuse needs to be replaced with the word psychological abuse.The public in general understands domestic violence as physical abuse but does not understand the dynamics of an emotional abusive relationship, the worst damage done is to the spirit and our minds. We have no protection from psychological abuse, yet it can be the most destructive. We need to build awareness in hopes that the law can someday help people like us and Donna who has no legal recourse against a man who is most certainly emotionally abusing her. Thank you all for contributing your thoughts and furthering this cause. We can make a difference and I believe we will.