Most narcissists are not physical abusers, not life threatening, they are life and mind altering, you will never be the same. Psychological abuse is their weapon of choice, one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It destroys, confidence, creativity and individuality.
We are told we shouldn't feel the way we feel
We are dictated not to feel the way we feel
We are told we are too sensitive too dramatic
We are ignored
We are judged
We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel. People who are being, physically,verbally, financially, or sexually abused are not getting their feelings about it respected or even acknowledged. This is the fundamental problem with abuse--no regard for the FEELINGS of the victim. When our feelings are not respected we are being used and ABUSED again.
IGNORING YOUR FEELINGS is the worst abuse there is, ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED DENIES YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR REALITY. People who have been abused are not getting their feelings and their reality respected or acknowledged, that is psychological abuse or mental torture, what you can't put your finger on, is psychological abuse. Abusers also attack and undermine all the "things" we do, but when they invalidate our FEELINGS about it all, a person can figuratively, if not literally drive another person crazy, which is why we feel crazy. The more sensitive the person, the more serious the damage of invalidation.
Ignoring your feelings and your reality undermines self confidence because it causes self doubt, this in turn diminishes self esteem. Invalidating or ignoring your feelings is a serious violation of one's, TRUE SELF. I think it is the worst crime one person can commit against another without lifting a finger against them. It is neither illegal, immoral, nor even recognized or included in the definition of domestic abuse. I think emotional abuse needs to be replaced with the word psychological abuse.The public in general understands domestic violence as physical abuse but does not understand the dynamics of an emotional abusive relationship, the worst damage done is to the spirit and our minds. That takes the biggest tole on all of us, the wounds no one can see.
Psychological abuse of men and women is widely accepted and tolerated because no one understands what is going on or about personality disorders, including the victims. Isn't it time for a more clear definition of domestic abuse,more information on personality disorders, physical abuse is horrible, but the body will heal, the other, psychological abuse, is "soul murder" a crime against humanity, but it is not a crime in our courts. IGNORING OR INVALIDATING your FEELINGS is PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. They tell you what to do and what a bad job you do of it but don't let anyone ever dictate how you are SUPPOSE TO FEEL ABOUT IT ALL.Narcissists do not have empathy or feelings, don't believe them, trust your feelings and your reality always, not theirs. If you feel invalidated, mocked or judged when you talk about your feelings, your reality, they have no respect for you, they don't care about you, your feelings, or about reality, they are trying to manipulate,change and control you, that is psychological abuse.
Self esteem primarily depends on our "feelings" about ourselves, but it is bolstered when we are surrounded by those with whom we feel, appreciated, admired, loved, supported, respected, valued and understood, especially from some one who is suppose to love you, your partner. It is psychological abuse to with hold all of that from you and then ignore the pain and suffering it causes you, your feelings. Knowledge and information is power, the more we understand about all the types of abuse, realize abusers and narcissists are damaged people, NOT US. Everyone needs to know that most abusers and narcissists can not be helped or fixed. Denying your reality and you feelings, acting like nothing happened is psychological abuse, worse than the actual abuse that occurred. Some things I have read and learned as I work at trying to understand myself, and how this happens to so many of us.
Well, Ella,the ACLU will never let us tag narcissists with a warning label, it would violate their rights, since their weapon of choice is WORDS, that would be freedom of speech. All we have are the wounded warriors that have fought this battle to spead the word and warning to others. Like you I would like more reseach and national attention and talk about this disorder, which I believe is more of a genetic malfunction of the brain,they get apathy, not empathy, but that is another topic to discuss. I have some warnings posted at Oprah's abuse site which is not very active,you can't put in web sites so I suggested to do a search for vainencounters to direct some to your site.We are minority but we have to get the word out there, too many people do not know about narcissistic personality disorders, thank you for your efforts and this site. hugs mamolie