Used - Since we're not wired that way, it amazes me how narcs have the energy to live so crazily. It takes everything I have just to tend to what's on my own plate in a normal way. You're better off - we all are. But what we go through to regain identity again is a challenge. It's liberating, but at the same time it takes a lot of strength to face the unknowns. Something is wrong with the other girl willing to stay with your ex narc.

That leads to this question - so we know narcs are drawn to the opposite of what they are. That's why we are members of this website! My question is - are narcs as attracted to other narcs? Or does it all depend on what they can get out of the person at that time?

Used, be glad your relationship with your narc didn't get any further. You were smart!!

Goldie,

I'm going through a divorce. Was abandoned twice by this man. I was a very strong and independent woman(when we got married) who has a strong value system. In fact, my salary was more than his when we married. That didn't bother me. Then my health became very poor and was put on permenant medical leave 4 years after we got married. I was put on disability last year. He knew when we married that my health was not the best. Shortly after my health got so bad, he got a high-paying job working out of state. I didn't feel insecure or feel threatened. My dad traveled a lot as a geologist when I was growing up, so me and my siblings were used to a parent working away from home to put food on the table and to keep a roof over our heads. My mom handled the homefront, and they worked as a team going in the same direction.

No, I wasn't insecure about him being away from home. But then when he started draining our bank accounts (thousands) in a blink of an eye, and started doing it in a way that he couldn't be tracked. I knew that trouble was going to be a shadow in this marriage. He had nothing to show for whatever he spent the money on. Counseling sessions and putting spending boundaries helped a tiny bit. He was caught, wouldn't say what he used the money for, and straightened up a little.

Then a few months after that, I started getting that "gut feeling" again because he was going through the ice cold, distant, indifferent mode again. So I had to once again play detective (which I HATE doing because they're supposed to be trustworthy adults), and found that he opened a facebook acct and was contacting "old friends" - all women - that weren't married. He made time to chat with them all hours of the night, but never seemed to have the time to email me or call other than his "routine time" because he was "working his ass off on a dangerous job."

My mom and dad didn't raise an idiot. So I printed off EVERYTHING he did. Even the emails he sent me that were full of gushy mumbo jumbo - "Babe, I'm so glad God put you in my life. You are my world. I can't live without you." Makes my stomach churn now thinking about it!! Even after I took him back the first time after him begging to come back(he abandoned me while I was in the hospital), I kept documentation on everything that he did. Not exactly the way I wanted to spend my married life.

Warning to all people with poor health - narcs can't stand being around sick people or weak people. You can't offer them anything. They can't feed on you.

I didn't even want to call and tell him that I was being admitted for a blood clot, because I knew deep down he'd either act cold, or he'd play the saint and martyr to the outside world for rushing to my side, and then treat me with so little respect and dignity.

When my doctor told me to call my family in, I told her that my husband was working out of town and that I would be fine and had other family and friends. She said, "You need to call your family in on this one. I'm serious. Your condition is serious. If that clot gets loose, it could go to your heart or lungs. Please call your family in." I dreaded the call. I was very casual about the clot. He said he was on his way home. Half the time, I didn't tell him about my flares or worsening condition. One of my friends found out about my condition, and called my husband. He told her he was heading to the hospital and promised her he'd stay with me until I was out of trouble.

He stayed a couple of hours and said he needed to get home and feed the animals. All he had to do was call my brother to feed the animals. My friend said he called her after he left the hospital and she wanted to know where he was. He told her I insisted him going home to feed the animals and that I was on medicine to keep me resting. So there was nothing he could do for me. My friend cried as she told me this. She said, "That SOB PROMISED me he'd stay with you. How could he be so cold. You could have died, and you were alone!" I told her I wasn't alone. I had God with me. I felt the presence of my deceased parents. I felt the prayers of my friends and family. I wasn't alone.

Narcs don't care how sick you are or how close to death you are. The day after I was released from the hospital from having a GIANT blood clot in my jugular, my narc wanted to have sex. I still had the blood clot after being pumped up with blood thinners, steroids, etc. I was still so sick. Had almost died. He didn't care. He said he "missed" me. He wanted to have sex, and he was determined to get what he wanted. I put my own health at risk to pacify the narc. How demeaning is that? He probably would have gotten off, if I'd thrown the clot and died while he was having his way. I broke down and told my friend about it. She wanted to torture him. I was ashamed of my being too weak to stand up for myself.

He came in right before Christmas and declred divorce and left with no reason.

I feel free. I was his source and he now I'm not. Thank goodness!

You're right about them feeding on sources.