My story…after reading, not so different from many here…I have learned a lot in the last hour on this forum….learned that 2 cell phones is not normal…at one point my n had 3…he was soooo protective of them so of course after awhile, I turned into a “snooper”….every chance I got….I found the sick and degrading porn he had on one….read all the texts to and from his youngest daughter bashing me…Can a daughter be the OW???Towards the end, that’s what led me to be done…Early in the “relationship”, she confided some things about her dad probably thinking it would run me off….how he has always sold his pain pills (of course I never suspected anything like that at that point)how his mother was “evil” because she was always coming between her mom and dad in their early days….N idolized his mom for living her whole life married to a violent abuser….thought she was a saint for being such a good Christian woman and “standing by her man” even when he beat her and the children and took off for weeks at a time…After I had known my n for several months, I brought these things up in a conversation one night….He, of course, confronted the daughter (his younger by the way, there are 2 in the equation) and a rift was started that would continue for 4 years….She told him I lied and at first he defended me….I realize now we were in the “honeymoon phase” where he would take up for me….short lived….I should add here that the older daughter tried to befriend me and was always very pleasant….After just a month, he was talking marriage…and one year to the date of our first date, he gave me an engagement ring….August 24th….we made plans for him to move in with me and my two teenagers after he retired at the end of that month…keeping in mind, he had never made any effort to get to know my children…(youngest daughter invited us to her home to celebrate his birthday earlier that year which to me meant all of us for a family celebration …when I showed up with my two children, I was humiliated to find out they were not invited….My children and I left….should have been my first sign)
The mask came off the day we helped him move in….I had been after him for a week to pack and prepare, none of which he did….he had to be out of his house that day and had waited until the last minute….Because of his bad back, we did all the moving…it was hot so I had on a tank top and a pair of shorts….he immediately saw fit to hurt my feelings by making fun of my clothes…first hurt…..he jumped on me mid-day ,in front of my daughter, for taking too much time getting everything moved….he had not lifted a finger…second in a long line of hurts to come….
I made the mistake of thinking he would “do the right thing” and help with expenses once he moved in…not once in a year that he lived with me did he offer to help with any of the bills, groceries, nothing….I was broke and asked him for $5 to go see my son play football one Friday…His reply “if you don’t have the money, guess you’ll sit your ass at home, won’t you?”I was humiliated but borrowed money from my mother to go….
With his retirement came the drinking….every day I went to work, the kids went to school, and he went to the bars….I guess it was the bars….should I call him and ask where he was, his classic response was “oh, just driving down the road”….never would tell me where he was…..
Thanksgiving and Christmas were miserable for me….he locked himself in the bedroom after eating and didn’t come out….embarrassing for me as I’d really bragged to my older son about how wonderful he was….of course, his daughters wouldn’t come for the holidays as he’d not consulted them before he gave me the ring and moved in with me….
But, I was so in love, I tolerated this behavior and made excuses for a year…..October of the next year, he moved out….I found out my youngest son is gay and instead of supporting me, giving me a shoulder to cry on which I needed at first (don’t now), he announced my son was an abomination to God and moved out…..I was devastated to say the least, and extremely angry!!!!
I didn’t talk to him or see him for 4 months….had no clue where he was…..and surprisingly, in a little town of 1500 people, never saw him…..he moved in with the youngest daughter and eventually rented an apartment 30 miles away….didnt know any of this for 4 months…… my next contact was a text message in February…..he was sooo sorry….he realized how badly he’d “fucked up”…..and here we went again…..
I neglected to tell you about our first year together…all the wonderful gifts….he bought me a sapphire ring for my birthday less than a month after I’d met him….expensive perfume….a diamond necklace….he is a watch fanatic so as of this writing, I probably have over 30 watches in all shapes and sizes….it was during this time that he started to monopolize all my time….the fact that I had 2 children at home was a non issue with this man….I wondered where his money came from, but he never told me…he worked for the state, same as me, but he’d been there 23 years…he talked about(just talk as it turned out) going on a cruise, getting married on a ship….then it was getting married in Tahiti….he was very generous at that time…(I would find out years later, through snooping, that his money had been obtained from several workers comp claims over the years…..Thousands of dollars in settlements from workers comp!!!!! )
When I met him, I was separated from my husband….I was working two jobs to make my ends meet and raise my children…it was very tough!! He was soooo sweet and told me that he would take care of me, just let him know if I needed anything….Having pride and being independent, of course I never asked…. The gifts came, but never any real help like he gushed about….during this time, the rift started with his youngest daughter and the older daughter tried to develop a friendship….she is an addict, both drugs and gambling….very cunning….more on her later….Sorry if I’m rambling….so many thoughts…
I am 52 now and my N is 62….What a great looking man when I met him!!!!Body builder, great clothes!!drove a corvette and owned a Chevy Avalanche pickup….his house was immaculate with nice furniture…I could never fathom why this “catch”was single…I felt blessed to have caught his eye!!!After living 15 years with a man who had no interest in sex, he was a dream come true!!!There were times when we had sex 4-5 times a day….it was like being young again….A couple of things rang weird though …I would walk in and catch him watching porn on his computer….I let him know I did not like it and never saw it again for several years…..he “liked” weird sex at times, liked to inflict pain on me….he actually told me he didn’t think he could ever marry anyone who didn’t like anal sex….now, I realize to each his own, but to make that marriage criteria????The bells certainly went off, but I Was so taken with him, I think I would have walked through fire for him…and thought he would for me….
I don’t know how much I can post at one time…..theres so much more…..