Roon's Story

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#1 Apr 23 - 1AM
roontherocks
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Roon's Story

My story started 5 years ago. I was stuck in a sexless miserable marriage. My wife did nothing at all except spend money and sit around. I did everything. Cooking, taking care of the kids, made all the money etc etc. We had been to counseling but were not making any progress. I had contemplated leaving years before but I worried about the well being of my kids. Everyone around me would ask me why I stayed and I just said because of the kids.

I met this beautiful natural woman in a bar. I told her my story and said I wouldn't leave because of my kids. We had a few beers and were flirtatious. Before long we were in her car making out. She told me some guy was staying with her but he was boring and it was going nowhere. I later learned that there were 2 or 3 guys in the picture that were "boring". We exchanged phone numbers and soon we were texting daily. She lived about 55 miles away from me so it wasn't like we would be seeing each other. After a few weeks we agreed to meet and go for a hike. We talked a lot about our lives and previous relationships. For someone who was only 35 it seemed like she had been involved with quite a few men but none had panned out. She lived with all of them and they seemed to average about 2-4 years each. Some of them were said to be abusive. It sounded to me like she had really had some bad luck with men. Such a cool gal getting involved with abusers didn't seem right. She had no girlfriends. No close family ties. She said she was embarrassed by them. Only guy friends.

We really hit it off. The chemistry was palpable. This was a woman who seemed like my perfect match in every way. Soon we were seeing each other on a weekly basis just for the day and then one weekend I was planning a mountain bike trip by myself and I invited her to go. She said she had plans with one of the "boring" guys but I told her to break them which she did. We spent 3 days together and it was heaven on earth. We rode bikes, fished, went out to dinner, had amazing sex, drank fine wine. A weekend only dreamed of by many. After that weekend I knew I was in trouble. This woman was everything I had ever hoped for. She was absolutely stunning. A perfect body. Totally into the outdoors like me. Laughed at the same things, liked the same shows, the same food, the same movies. It was almost too good to be true. Ultimately it was. After about a month I began to fall in love and I told her so. She was coy and didn't return the gesture but soon did after a few weeks. The love was flowing deeply. Like a feeling I can't explain. We camped together a few times and it was pure bliss. I had written her a note professing my feelings and was going to deliver it to her. I reread the note and decided not to and tucked it away. I stuffed it in my pants. A few days later my wife found the note. When confronted I told her I had fallen in love with another woman and moved out within a week. I got a house down the street to be close to my kids. Still 55 miles away from the GF. We started divorce proceedings and my soon to be ex wife had already met her current husband. I really didn't care. As I said before we had a bad marriage and I still believe to this day that we would have divorced anyway. It was done.

Being separated from my wife I continued my relationship with this GF. We were head over heals in love. We did everything together. I had my kids half time so the other half I spent with her. She had a flexible work schedule so it all worked out OK. On occasion she would go out with her sister or solo and I wouldn't hear from her. She would go dark for the evening. The next day she would just say she got drunk and didn't want to text me so late. Sometimes she would meet former lovers for a drink and I would complain but she said they were just friends so it was nothing to worry about. "I love you and I'm not going anywhere". Over time we would talk more about former lovers and she divulged that she had cheated on a number of them. There was always a reason. He was a nag. He was abusive. He was bad in bed. I couldn't stay away from the previous ex because he kept pestering me. Other times she would say that her and so and so would get in a big fight and he would leave. She would go out that night and sleep with someone else. I said how could you do that? Most people would be bummed out and stay home eating ice cream or something. She said it was his payback for being such a dick. This was her pattern. Piss her off and she goes out and screws someone else. I realize now that she was giving me a warning. She was telling me not to piss her off or else. She would sometimes say things like if you ever cheat on me I will burn your house down. I laughed but there was a bit of truth in that. We never fought at all. We got along great. Exotic trips or just staying home and making dinner and watching a movie. It didn't matter. We had a great time. After a year or so I introduced her to my kids. They loved her. She was very active and they really hit it off. She told me she didn't like kids early on but she really seemed to shine with mine. That being said she would rarely make an effort to being around them. Kind of like they were getting in the way. Later my kids would tell me that it seemed like she was trying to take me away from them. She only wanted to be with me and not them. From the mouths of babes. She had met my family, my kids, my friends and everybody loved her. Everything seemed to be great. This was my girl that I had waited for my entire life. She was perfect or so I thought.

One day out of the blue her brother in law called me not long after a thanksgiving feast. He told me if she hasn't cheated on me yet she will. I was blown away. He said I seemed like a good guy and he just wanted to warn me. He told me their whole family thought I was perfect for her and maybe she will change. It went in one ear and out the other. Fast forward to year 3. She was tired of her job of 14 years and her house that she was renting was getting sold so she had to move. I told her she was welcome to live with me. She wasn't happy about living in the city but it was close to her small town so she agreed. We sat down and laid out some expectations on paper. We seemed to be on the same page. On occasion she was frustrated with my kids but I figured she was just not used to it since she had never had children. She got a job with a bad commute and would often come home late due to traffic. Sometimes on weekends when my kids were there she said she needed some alone time. I said no problem I get it. She would go camping or skiing and come home happy to be back. After about 7 months she got a job back in her hometown and was going to move back. We had talked about how it was going to be temporary anyway so this was not a shock. We had talked about getting a place together in her home town to spend my off weeks there and she would be there full time. Then just days before she was set to move she tells me out of the blue that she is thinking of leaving the relationship. I was stunned. After all I had done for her. I had loaned her money to pay bills. I put a roof over her head during a time of need. I had given her freedom to do what she wanted so she wouldn't feel smothered by my kids. I was pissed and said to be gone by Monday. I left for the weekend and she was gone by Monday. When she moved she called me to give me an update as to what was going on and said she was disappointed that I didn't pay for the U haul like I said I would. Whatever.

About a week after she left she started texting me and telling me how much she missed me. I went out there and we met for drinks. I asked her flat out if she had met someone else and she said no. She said she met someone who she "thought" there was something there but he wasn't for her and it would never work out. We spent the night together and I left the next day. A week after that she calls me in a panic and says she can't live without me. She wants me to come out there the next day. I do and spend the night. The guy who she said she wasn't interested in kept calling. I said you aren't telling me the whole story there are you. She looked at me with a sad face and said she had slept with him one time. Said she felt gross and disgusted with herself. I was in shock to say the least. She said they were drinking and it just got out of hand. He was planning on coming up there that weekend. I told her to cancel with him. Get rid of him and we would spend the weekend at the coast. She agreed. She texted him and said she had to figure out her life and he texted back that he understood. We went to the coast and had the time of our life. We talked about our future together. We talked about going to counseling. We talked about getting married. Where we would do it and who would come. We decided we would do whatever it took to stay together forever. Love would prevail. I told her to go to therapy to deal with her childhood issues. She was resisting. I even told her I would pay the deductible if she couldn't afford it. She resisted. I called her sister and asked her to try and get her into therapy. Her sister called back and said she had talked to her and it wasn't good. Her sister shared their text exchange with me. She was telling her sister that she had been seeing this guy for 7 months. That means that the whole time she was living with me she was seeing this other guy. All of that crap she told me was pure bullshit. My jaw was on the floor as I read these texts. I couldn't believe it. She was fully carrying on two relationships. I never suspected a thing. I felt totally stupid. Emasculated. Crushed. I began to drink and went on anti depressants. I was suicidal. One day I took anti anxiety drugs, anti depressants, and drank. I ended up face down in the gutter and still don't know how I got home. I wrote a very threatening letter on FB to the other guy. There were days when I actually held a gun in my hand and contemplated killing myself. To this day if I didn't have any kids I think I might have killed myself. My family all flew in knowing how dire the situation was. I began therapy and got off the anti depressants.

I texted my ex and told her I was going to date since she was obviously doing the same. She flipped out. She said it was terrible of me to rub her nose in it and didn't want to communicate with me anymore. That lasted 9 days. She sent an email saying that she was done with the other guy. He wasn't for her. A few days later we were back in each others arms. She told me she doesn't love him. Not in the least. But then she went back to him again. After a month or two of going back and forth I told her that I didn't want to do it anymore. I was done with the fight. I needed to separate myself from the situation. She begged me to stay with her. She was confused. So over the course of the next 6 months the pattern went like this. I go NC for 2 weeks and she finds a way to reel me back in. We are together for a month then she goes dark again. 2 weeks, one month, 2 weeks, one month. Over and over again. During that time the she is doing the same torture to the other guy. He gets her phone and reads texts between her and I where she is telling me what a loser he is. He sees sexual photos etc etc. He begs her to keep him and ultimately it works. Then 2 weeks later she comes back. Then I say to myself after yet another botched vacation I wont answer any attempt what so ever by her. I block her in every way I know. Then I get a text from her old room mate saying she wants me to call. Then from her brother in law. Then I get a letter in the mail professing her love for me. Then I get a series of calls from a blocked number. I don't answer. Done. Then one day I look out the window and she is in front of my house. She comes in with a tattoo on her back of my initials. I have to say that I thought she was serious this time. It worked. Soon we were back at it. In each others arms. I had a birthday and she gave me a card saying she would never leave my side again. She would be there for 54, 64, 74, and 84. She was giving herself to me. Make her mine when the time was right. Complete with tears and all. This was it. Not even three weeks after my birthday she became distant. Said she needed space. Then I get a text that says the love fizzled out a long time ago. I was not the man she thought I should be. She was going her own way. I didn't even respond. I just hit the block button. That was about 6 weeks ago and I haven't heard a peep. I don't drink at all any more and I'm working hard at being fit. I am attending therapy with a therapist who specializes in PD's. Even hypnosis. I am attending Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings regularly. I'm journaling. I'm not trying to date or anything. I am just trying to get my life in order.

A few days ago I spoke with a former BF of hers I had met many months back when I was with her. The stories he told me during our 2 hour conversation made mine look like a walk in the park. She would take his bike and loan it to another guy while he was at work and they would enjoy a ride together and then have sex in this guys bed before he got home. She had sex with one of his clients. She had sex with ex BF's. It was crazy. I told him I know how he feels. I don't think this guy will ever be the same. Nor will some of the other exes I learned about from him. One of whom she has toyed with for 16 years. He's a mess. Many I'm sure are still hooked on her.

Over the course of the last few months I have read extensively on the internet about PD's. I started googling things that were happening and I kept landing on the same web sites. Sociopath, psychopath, borderline, narcissist. I started reading accounts of what these people do and it fit her to a T. Like sometimes the exact words that she uses are used in examples on various sites. I couldn't believe this person was actually this evil but it's true. She has been doing this her entire life and will continue to do it because it works for her. I always said to her "you must be the devil in disguise because you are too good to be true". Turns out I was right. The old BF told me he thought she could pass a lie detector test. I believe him. I asked if she ever apologized for her behavior and he said not once. She has no empathy, remorse, guilt, or shame about the things she has done to virtually all of her BF's. All 9 of them. That's quite a few to have between 19 and 39. And those are just the ones she lived with. Who knows how many inbetweens or one night stands. I hate to even think. At this point she actually scares me. The other day I got a call from a blocked number and my heart started to race. My face got flush. I was petrified. Turned out to be someone else. Is she gone for good? I don't know. I also don't know to what extent she will go to make contact with me again if she does. Every time she has upped the ante. I hope she doesn't but at the same time I hope she does so I can retake the power. There are times where I think she will just run off into the sunset with the other guy. I think of all those great times we had with each other and it makes me sick to think of her having those times with someone else. But then my rational mind takes over and says OMG you totally dodged a bullet. She will never change.

It's helped me to look at this as a blessing. Without this experience I don't know if I would have ever looked deep into myself and really tried to change my attraction to crazy. I'm a smart, good looking, fit, wealthy, loving guy and I have dated many women over the years. Many have been kinda off, you know, the hot girls are always the craziest theory. I'm working harder on myself now than I ever have. Trying to seek truth about life and love. I'm finding it in small doses. I know it may have been an illusion. I know for her it was fake. I was top notch supply and she fed off of it for as long as she could. But for me it was real. I felt true love for the first time. For the first time I really put myself out there for someone and became vulnerable. I never left her house without putting a note under her pillow. I've never done that in my life. I actually enjoyed buying her gifts. Thoughtful ones. Ones that she picked out in the store window weeks or months before. I now know I have the capacity to love and when the right person comes along I will experience that love again. Only this time it will be reciprocal. That is the gift I get. I grow into myself and realize what I can do. She wont. This is the curse of the PD's. In the end they are alone which is their greatest fear. In the end she will have no friends, no family, no kids at her bedside as she fades into darkness. All of her fakery and deception will be for not. She will die alone and I will be surrounded by love.

Apr 23 - 6PM
Goldie
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No Doubt She Fits The Bill

Apr 23 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
roontherocks
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Just to clarify

Apr 25 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Domo
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You won

Apr 25 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
roontherocks
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She is already pissed

Apr 26 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Domo
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Hey Roon

Apr 26 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
roontherocks
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Domo Arigato

Apr 26 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Domo
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So true

Apr 26 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
roontherocks
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Amen

Apr 26 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
Domo
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Reprogramming

Apr 26 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
roontherocks
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Not out of the woods yet

Apr 26 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
Domo
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Wow