My story with a Narcissist

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#1 January 10, 2017 - 9:38am

My story with a Narcissist

I wanted to see if anyone can relate. I met my narc about 3 years ago. Our daughters play sports together. I am married(but we were having problems). He came to me asking me about the work I did and then started texting me first about work but then making me feel like I was the most beautiful person he had ever met. It turned sexually very quick and he told me how overwhelming his feelings for me were. He didn't let on he had a girlfriend until she showed up to one of their games with him. He never once cared I was married either. He befriended my husband and manipulated me into being friends with his girlfriend. We all hung out together and eventually he talked me into a threesome with his then girlfriend. He started discarding me and being distant and when i would ask why he would ignore my questions and begin saying he felt guilty because I was married. After I asked around every relationship he's been in has been with a married woman. He just felt guilty with mine. Surprise all his exes are all crazy. A year went on like this and then his gf at the time got jealous and started immense drama i had to tell my husband and so the affair was out in the open. He kicked her out and me to the side said he didn't have time for drama (you know because he lives off of it and all) And come to find out he was talking to another woman as well ( a widow who collected her husbands insurance money) He told me they were just friends and told me he cared about me a lot. So for the about a year he was screwing us both and I knew something was off he would always have to be in control and things were always on his terms. One day she confronted me asking because it's a small town and she knew about the affair. We compared stories and surprise he may as well have copied and pasted our conversations. We both confronted him and he denied it all told her I was a liar and told me she was just trying to cause problems because he wouldn't be more than friends. Crazy me I believed him, but I was skeptical. I was separated for a brief time with my husband but with all the inconsistencies I lied just to see if it would matter and told my narc I was divorced. When we had our argument I told him I stopped the divorce and was going back, he came crawling back and made it sound like he didn't care I was still married then I told him I lied about being still married because I thought it would make him come back. We saw each other again for about a month, but only because I think he was trying to punish me and so he wanted me to ask my friend for a threesome. He was sending her pics and messaging her and she was mortified. It was because I had told him she wasn't happy in her marriage and thought he could get to her. When he realized he wasn't going to he had sex with me one last time ( and it was horrible he answered his cell phone during, tried to force anal without lube, and just made horrible comments during) almost like hate sex. That following week he started being short, not answering me, telling me he was just busy had a lot in his life going on. Well by that he meant the woman that confronted me was also still seeing him God only knows what he told her. I went by his house to drop off Christmas gift, he hid in the house wouldn't answer phone or come to the door. I was about to leave and some other woman pulled up behind me she stayed in the car forever and he stood at the closed door looking out. I just left and then flipped and sent him awful text telling him just what i thought and he of course told me I was insane and that it was one of his workers... Yeah she was going to work it all right. Then I found out that on Christmas Day he went with the woman that confronted me to an out of town trip with her kids and his. I confronted and he just ignored and then when I sent more telling him off he accused me of being insane. Yes I did act insane I would cuss him then apologize get mad again and then apologize. He made me this person that i have never been. He never acknowledged the gift not even a thank you. He just discarded me and knew my grandad was dying at Christmas. He sent horrible responses telling me I was stupid and annoyed him and that is why he stopped talking to me. Now I have gone no contact and I will have to see him when the sport our daughters play together starts back in August. I don't know that I can handle it. I told him I lied about things and was in fact still married and that we were going to work on things, he of course told me to not message him again because I was married (this doesn't matter to him but now everything is my fault and he is the victim of another crazy woman) I am working on fixing my marriage and he has been so understanding. I was looking for love and already had it. None the less it still left a horrible emotional scar on me and everyday is a struggle to get through and wonder why someone would make you fall in love and tell you to leave your husband and never intend on being with you. It's evil.

January 10, 2017 - 12:48pm

I'm currently going through

I'm currently going through some of the things you have described too. I am married, also having problems. So it was easy to fall into his trap and they are looking for that and know it! He sounds like a somatic narcissist as is mine. They are very sexual but it's all about control not intimacy. They usually freak out after you've been together sexually. Mine told me we should of waited until after we both were divorced because it made him uncomfortable. Mind you we'd been together several times. He also said he didn't want to see me again until my divorce was final, which means he's going to find new supply. And because our relationship is long distance he talked me into sending him racy photos. I still can't believe I did that, they are truly master manipulators!! I am emotionally scarred as well, trying to get my life back in order. i am keeping a journal of all the terrible things he's said and did. So when I start to miss him or want to contact him, I reread it. It seems to helping. I fell off the wagon of no contact last week but today I'm starting all over again. These men are the devil in disguise!!!

January 10, 2017 - 1:17pm (Reply to #2)

Yes I agree about the devil

Yes I agree about the devil in disguise. It just hurts that someone can come into your life and destroy so much and have no remorse to treating you badly. I used to do everything he asked, loaned him money, take him medicine, make phone calls, book hotels when he went out of town (which i found out one of those times he had one of his supplies with him in the room I booked!!!!) But he made it sound like I only did those things so I could make him sound like a charity case to everyone...it still amazes me. I am really struggling with the no contact. It's hard. Even harder knowing I will have to see him and I am sure he will have new supply that he brings to the games.

January 10, 2017 - 1:37pm (Reply to #3)

Yes, the no contact is

Yes, the no contact is terrible. I've failed twice but only to get love bombed and discarded within a day. So I have to be done with this chaos. My N is my first love from high school. We dated for 4 yrs and for him to come back and hurt me all over again after 20 yrs is unimaginable. I thought he had changed and grew up, I completely trusted him. I am devastated on who he really is. We will always be intertwined because of mutual friends and my parents are now moving back where he lives. But I can only imagine what you will have to deal with, having to see him all the time. Stay strong and Just know they will never be happy and that whoever he is with is a supply, an object not his soulmate, they don't have love to give or souls. It's all an act. It's truly disheartening to know that there are so many of these men roaming around!!!

January 10, 2017 - 1:44pm (Reply to #4)

It just amazes me the hold

It just amazes me the hold these types of people can have on us. I mean I don't even recognize me with some of the things I've done. And this time when he discarded me I acted like an all out idiot. I probably really did seem like a crazy person. This is the first time he's blocked me on social media and cell phone so I knew when he did that he had someone else. When he couldn't even say thank you and still hasn't for the very nice gift I gave him that sent me over the edge. I think he intentionally did it all so I would have a crappy Christmas.

January 10, 2017 - 2:00pm (Reply to #5)

Yes, I know what you mean. I

Yes, I know what you mean. I'm not the same person I was 5 months ago. I wasn't happy back then but I don't even recognize myself right now. I have done all this research on narcissist behavior. And as much as I hate him and what he's done, there is a part of me that wants to still try and fix him, and it's impossible. And yes, they hate holidays and gifts! They feel like they owe you something when you give and do exactly what he did to you, run away and cut off communication. He'll reach out to you again, just a matter of time, so be ready!!

January 10, 2017 - 2:03pm (Reply to #6)

I don't think he will reach

I don't think he will reach out to me again. He knows about me lying about being divorced and that I'm still married and I said things and threatened to expose him to everyone and he told me to go to my husband and take my drama somewhere else. I will be very surprised if he reaches out to me again. You think he will try and reach out to me even after all that?

January 10, 2017 - 2:21pm (Reply to #9)

As long as you didn't expose

As long as you didn't expose him because that is one of their greatest fears. Being exposed for the lying piece of crap they are. if you were a good source of supply for him(always being there and stroking his ego), he'll be back. The fact that you are still married is a challenge for him. To see if he can be with you again. A lot of narcissist love to target married women. It's the ultimate ego boost, taking away another mans wife/girlfriend. And it's easy for them to discard because they will rub in your face you're still married and can't be together anyway. It's so crazy what they do and how they operate once we can see who they really are.

January 10, 2017 - 2:21pm (Reply to #7)

As long as you didn't expose

As long as you didn't expose him because that is one of their greatest fears. Being exposed for the lying piece of crap they are. if you were a good source of supply for him(always being there and stroking his ego), he'll be back. The fact that you are still married is a challenge for him. To see if he can be with you again. A lot of narcissist love to target married women. It's the ultimate ego boost, taking away another mans wife/girlfriend. And it's easy for them to discard because they will rub in your face you're still married and can't be together anyway. It's so crazy what they do and how they operate once we can see who they really are.

January 10, 2017 - 2:40pm (Reply to #8)

No I didn't expose him I just

No I didn't expose him I just wanted to scare him and hurt his feelings the way mine were. We never argued at all until he did this crap and he turns into a completely different person. Someone I never knew was in there. He just keeps making it sound like I'm horrible for lying about the marriage when everything he has done or said to me was a lie. It really does make me second guess myself. But deep down I know I just got caught up in his games and was trying to play to stay in the game.

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