My Story

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#1 Aug 11 - 1PM
Rosebud65
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My Story

It is a long story and I will try to keep it short as I can. I thank you for reading it. I have been in counseling, have an upcoming group counseling session, went to a psychic and reading a great deal about abuse. Plus, I have a sister that I talk to a lot and a few friends that I talk to sometimes.

I got with a man a year and a half ago. I had an affair with this man after 28 years of marriage. My husband has addictions that wore me down over the years since I was in my 20s. The big addiction included women. Unfortunately, I was prime for a narcissistic man like this to come along. Two years ago this December, we met at a country music concert I had gone to and he was opening for his long time friend. I would never in a million years thought I would go outside my marriage. But in time it happened.

He was able to get me to open up about my marital problems with trust. Since an incident in my late 20s, I hadn't shared my marital problems with anyone. I am now soon to be 51 years old. The man just turned 78 years old. But I didn't see age and it didn't matter. I fell and thought we fell totally in love. I threw all caution to the wind and thought he was a blessing sent to me. Wow, I couldn't have been more wrong. He has been a total nightmare that has destroyed much of my life. Including a horrible divorce that I am still in after I filed a year ago. My soon to be ex husband has been hiding money for years, lying about me to everyone including our teenage son and I have an autoimmune disease to contend with that I was diagnosed with about three years ago. Stress is the worst thing for this disease.

It was all out of character for me to go outside my marriage but I followed my heart. And he pressured me a great deal to leave my marriage. Saying he didn't have two years to wait with his age and many other pressures/manipulations. My husband had addictions that were very damaging to my self esteem and confidence. I was very lonely. Most importantly, I was prime for another narcissist to come along. This narcissist is a covert narcissist like my ex but had the charm and smooth talker. He gave me attention I so badly craved. Knew every button to push.

Our first time together, I saw a text between he and another woman. She was saying that she wouldn't be able to help him as much. Or he said that was what she had said. I read that they were saying they loved each other and wanted to have each other in their life. He said they were just friends and he paid her to help him with his house. That he says I love you to a lot of woman and men. He then yelled at me and was blaming me. I forgave him and wanted to believe him. He said she wouldn't help him anymore with his house. He did continue and deleted many text messages and phone calls. I forgave him every time. But the trust was eroding.

Then he took her to one of his homes for a week. Lied to me about her being there. I hired a private investigator and finally he admitted it happened. Said he knew he made a mistake and they were just friends. Spoke horrible about her to me. The lies and deceit continued.

He had the other woman call me as part of the reconciliation last time. She was very cold and distant. All she said is that I had nothing to worry about. In another short call with the three of us, she seemed to side with me that it was his doing. He went crazy thinking we were siding against him. She hung up.

We reconciled after he begged me back. Said he wasn't talking to her anymore. I found out it was a lie. So we had a couple of bad arguments after the reconciliation. Then I realized that he was talking badly behind my back and making up lies about me. Although after he said those things behind my back, he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be together forever. That he was going to move where I live. Begged me to stay another week with him.

Then he had a big birthday, in his late 70s. Was saying that nobody in his family called him. Talks horrible about family and friends. But they won't go up against him due to his financial will. He was depressed and was talking about our past wanting to be the victim. This is a man that was insanely jealous and put that on me, a liar, said vulgar things to me with angry accusations of me with men, stingy with money, controlling and smothering, had a horrible temper, all about him and vain. In our last conversation the day after his birthday he was really down. Wanted to be the victim. I finally said, all of what happened with the other woman was in my past and not my future. Then I said, I wish you well in your life and you can call me anytime. He said I would never spit up what had happened with the other woman. That he was spitting it up. Still insisting they were just friends. That he hadn't even talked to her. Then he said, I am stepping out of the pain. I said, I am too. I said take care. He said, I'll call you tonight. I said ok. Then I got off the phone and texted him and said I don't think its a good a idea to continue to talk.

I had to go gray rock with his text messages three weeks ago after we split. And I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea that we continue to talk. But he was mailing things to me and using it to mix in other messages. Like that he loved me and missed me and such. Also, saying that he wished we were closer in age. That was never an issue before. And this woman is 56. He doesn't realize that I know they are together. He has called as well but I didn't take the call. Now I haven't heard from him in two weeks.

Now, I am aware that they are together. She knew about us being an item. Was not receptive to me on the phone so I didn't tell her anything right after we reconciled. She knew he came back to me. Now she is willing to believe him and be with him.

My life has been destroyed pretty much. I feel like he has lied to me from day one. That I was in his triangle. He toyed with my life and doesn't care where I am now. Said he was rock solid. That he would be the only one there for me in the end. Nobody would ever love me like him. Wanted it to be just me and him. Now, it is me alone left to fight this nasty divorce and try to deal with his horrible abuse. There is a great deal I haven't shared here with his abusive behavior.

I would like to text her and tell her the horrible things he said about her. Things I could never know. Why should he be allowed to lie and manipulate me and her? Maybe she won't care. She told me before I had nothing to worry about. By the way, her husband died about three months ago after being in horrible health. He was in his 70s as well. And she is in her 50s. Age isn't the issue and shouldn't be. But my point is maybe she is vulnerable and low self esteem too. Or maybe she is like him and a narcissist too. What do you think I should do with contacting her?

Thank you for reading my story. I know I had my role in what happened. Also, I realize what I did in my marriage was wrong. In spite of what my husband did over thirty years. I have apologized to him but he is another dishonorable man.

It has been three weeks of gray rock on my end with text messages and not taking his phone call. Now I haven't heard from him for two weeks. That is because they went on a trip together. A trip he was telling me the day before we split that he wanted me to go on with him! It isn't easy and I have anxiety and depression. Good days and not so good days. But I am a lot stronger than I was the last time. I was absolutely devastated the first time. And thank God I hired a private investigator for the first time in my life. If it weren't for my sister, I probably would have done something desperate the first time.

Aug 16 - 11AM
4x@42
4x@42's picture

Dear Rosebud65,

Aug 16 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Rosebud65
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Sorry for you...