Dragging the narcissistic baggage into new relationships

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#1 Jul 28 - 1PM
dulcinea441
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Dragging the narcissistic baggage into new relationships

Hey, guys! I've not contributed here for a long time, but I thought I might seek some of your sage advice on a new love interest that's come into my life. To refresh your memory, a few years ago I was dumped cruelly and never contacted again by a Narc to whom I was engaged to be married. Several years of chosen singlehood and celibacy have passed wherein I did a lot of soul searching and self-healing work, and now a new romance has potentially entered my life.

He is sweet and kind and does not give off the N red flags of being overly-seductive or steamrolling over my boundaries too quickly. He does, however, run a bit hot and cold, and the old fear of being on an emotional rollercoaster is again rearing its ugly head, causing me to overreact, chase after him with undignified neediness, tell him too soon that I was in love with him, and push our budding relationship to the brink of destruction. In fact, we basically broke up after the last time I angrily questioned him as to why he was "on" one day with me, "off" the next. I was crushed, but decided he was probably another emotional game-player, and that I should move on.

After a day or two, however, he called me and confessed that, yes, he struggles to get close, runs away from too much intimacy too soon, and needs a lot of alone time to recharge and find his sense of balance, sometimes going days without contact. He also admitted that these are things about him which will probably never change, and that any woman who wants a relationship with him will have to accept this fact of his nature. His sharing this with me made me feel incredibly good to know that yes, he can open up, can admit his flaws, and doesn't wish to lead me astray. And yes, though he confesses that has some emotional walls up due to being terribly hurt in the past, he wants to pursue our connection slowly, opening up to each other with time, and asks if this is something I would also be interested in doing. In truth, I AM interested, as a slow-building, not-too-clingy relationship is actually what I want and need after the emotional hell of the Narc.

The only problem is, I can't keep my mind from running wild with paranoid fear and doubt, wondering if he is truly being honest with me, or if he is stringing me along callously, setting me up for another agonizing fall. Rationally, it doesn't seem that he is the sort to do this, but my problem is I no longer trust my own judgment, or feel that I have intuitions worth a damn. I really, really like this man, but I'm afraid my crazy narc-baggage will drive a budding relationship off the cliff. What do you all think? Have any of you been coin with this problem? Thank you. Any and all words of advice gratefully received! <3

Aug 5 - 5PM
dulcinea441
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Thank you, everyone. I am

Aug 5 - 1PM
FinnegansWake
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Had to respond

Jul 30 - 10PM
dulcinea441
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I'm definitely listening now.

Jul 30 - 2PM
Hunter
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He told you who he is, listen

Jul 31 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
Goldie
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Yes, exactly Hunter!!!

Jul 29 - 8PM
dulcinea441
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Thank you, both. I have read

Jul 29 - 1PM
talktothehand
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This guy

Jul 29 - 2AM
Lookforward
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'He also admitted that these