Lessons Learned and update

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#1 Mar 28 - 9AM
Not-this-time
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Lessons Learned and update

Hello!

Being involved with a Narc is a kind of craziness, that even its own craziness cannot be explained. The people who can understand you are the ones who have been through it themselves such as the mods and the members over here. It is like being in a spell, and you know you are in a spell but unable to desperately break free from that spell.

I am about 3 years out and almost 2 years NC. Despite my previous attempts to break free, I always get reeled back in. First, now that I fully understand their nature, I have something that he does not have. He mirrored me. That is why for a time, I was an important supply for him. Secondly, my undying hope that I could change him, or things would change. And worse, that somehow if I could just be better, that he would change. I was stuck in a non-relationship relationsh*t limbo. THE FINAL D & D was my birthday in 2013. I could no longer remember the specific details but that was the day I told myself that no matter how much it is going to hurt, I will stay away from him FOR GOOD! I locked those doors finally, and even double bolted them. A few months later, I received an e-mail from him in my work e-mail wanting to return a book that I let him borrowed (and he's had this book for over a year now) and wanting to send me some goodies from overseas. I deleted that e-mail and went on with my life, vowing that I will become a better version of myself and this JERK will no longer have any piece of me.

Today, I have fully recovered. I never thought I would heal but it is possible. Thanks to the wonderful support of the mods and the members here.

Some lessons/advise:

- NC at first is to protect yourself. But eventually the motivation will wane, you start to feel weak. Then you must change your way of thinking--NC is first and foremost to protect yourself, secondly, it's to deny this a**hole your glory!
- NC is the only way to heal!!! I tried the NC thing, then thinking I can be friends w/ him--just the back and forth thing. But, going full NC and never looking back was what propelled me to my healing
- A friend of mine told me, now is the time to rebuild my empire--aka workout, get strong mentally, physically, spiritually..
- Sometimes, all you can take is 1 step towards your healing and that is okay, as long as it is towards the right direction, not back to Narcville
- I read somewhere here before, I think it was from Goldie or one of the mods, ask yourself: WHAT IS IT IN YOU THAT MAKES IT OKAY TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS? Then, work towards changing your thinking and beliefs about yourself
- NARCS are poop on the very bottom of my shoe--not worthy of me
- Change something in your routine. It helps change your neural pathways. My brother told me on that FINAL D and D that from here on out, no matter how I feel, to go run for 15 mins

Lastly, I am with somebody now who is wonderful. It was not because the ultimate goal was to be with somebody, I just happened to meet somebody who is genuinely a kind and good-hearted. This time, I did the picking. I was not waiting for somebody to pick me or choose me, like how I felt with the N. I was truly, truly single for 2 years post-N. It really takes that long to heal. No more craziness. No more constant feelings of unworthiness and uncertainty. I choose to not allow myself to be in that situation again.

Hugs,
NTT

Jun 30 - 12AM
StrongasDandelion
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Thank you for the update!!!

Mar 29 - 4AM
Cherub
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Thank you

Apr 1 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Not-this-time
Not-this-time's picture

Hello Cherub!

Mar 30 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
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Shout it out, NTT!

spinning

Apr 1 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Not-this-time
Not-this-time's picture

(not) spinning-A million thanks!