slightly confused

I am fairly new to this website and new to recovery and also new to even talking about my NH. I guess what my question is Can you start to recover if you haven't even left him yet? For me talking about the daily abuse and the ups and downs is new. I have lived for so many years just suffering in silence, no one in my life understands, because he is a completely different person in public. The only one in my life who understood was my mother, and she passed away last year, I miss her so much. She actually lived with us for a year and a half and she told me on numerous occassions "I don't see how you live this way" she begged me to leave him. I have wanted to leave for a very long time, but I always could come up with an excuse of why I couldn't leave right now, but It was always a "plan" to leave. I used the kids, job, money, housing, you name it as an excuse. The sad fact is I don't know the facts, so i looked up a couple of different lawyers in my area and I'm going to go talk to them and actually see what needs to be done. Things have just been getting worse and worse lately. He was taking antidepressants and anxiety meds for supposed Post traumatic stress disorder (which he blames on me) anyway he stopped taking them over a month ago and has been a true joy (NOT!) This is not the first time he has stopped his meds without telling me, he does it frequently. However we agreed in marriage counseling that if he stopped them again I would leave and that was like 3-4 times ago. We don't go to marriage counseling anymore I found it pointless, he never followed the therapists advice anyway. and he did all the talking so I never got a chance to say anything.