Broke NC and paid dearly

I want to relate what happened to me to unburden it and that others might benefit from my recent experience and perhaps avoid something similar.

Overall, I'd been doing well and felt like I was progressing in recovering from her and making progress, albeit slowly. I found that I was spending less time thinking about her, which was good.

I blocked my ex-N on social media and several text messaging methods and felt really good about NC. About a week ago or so, I got a text from her using a different phone number that I was not aware of and of course, had not blocked. It was the usual junk about missing me, valuing our friendship, etc., etc., etc. She must be telepathic as the text came at precisely a low point that day during which I was thinking about and missing her.

Like an idiot, I responded to the text and we arranged to meet this past Saturday at a restaurant in Nogales, Mexico. That's about a 1 hour drive for me. To be candid, I was looking forward to it. About two hours before the appointed time, I got an emergency phone call from a friend whose wife had a heart attack. I went to the hospital to help him and of course, didn't make it to Mexico. I sent the N a text at that number telling her that there was a change of plans and that I couldn't come after all. I didn't really explain why, just a "change of plans". Didn't want to get into a long drawn out deal. No reply from her at that point.

Later Saturday, I got another text asking why I didn't show up. I very briefly explained why and offered to come down on Monday morning. We arranged a time, but this time to meet at her home. On Sunday morning, I sent a text to make sure we were still on and got no reply. On Sunday night, I sent another text to confirm. I had decided that if she didn't respond by the time I woke up on Monday morning, I wouldn't go and would tell her the reason was because of her failure to timely reply. Of course, no reply until a text a mere 15 minutes before we were to meet. Mind you this is an hour away. She asked if I was still coming and apologized for not responding sooner. I had not left my home yet since she hadn't replied.

Well, you guessed it. I didn't stick to my plan. I drove to Nogales, arrived at her home at revised appointed time. Her car was not there and neither was she. I knocked on the door and the new resident explained that the N had moved from the home about two months ago and she was the new renter.

At that point, I knew that she had just screwed me over. Either the Hoover was a screw over from the beginning, or she did intend to meet at the restaurant and then concocted the home meeting screw over plan because I cancelled on short notice the first time. It doesn't really make any difference. The second time was clearly designed to hurt, punish, humiliate, keep me spinning from no reply, etc.

I was so ashamed of myself and felt so stupid. I had fallen for her shit hook, line and sinker. I should not have responded to the Hoover. I should not have agreed to meet either but once I did, I developed a plan that I would not appear if she didn't timely respond to the "confirmation" text. She used to delay responses all the time. Not responding to my text till 15 minutes before we were to meet was clearly designed to keep me on the edge of my seat and spinning and guessing about whether or not we would meet. Then getting me to drive all the way there, only to find she didn't even live there, was like pushing a dagger into my heart. I went home and cried and cried because I was so stupid and played. I felt just like I did the day I found this site about a year ago. I should know better at this point in recovery. In our time together last year, I had never seen any incidents of such cruelty, viciousness or even rage.

I fully accept responsibility for my failure on this and am doing my best to make it a learning experience. That's why I'm sharing it.

Lessons learned;

1. Never, ever break no contact. Contact = pain/shame/humiliation/punishment/supply
2. If they get around your blocks using new numbers, e-mail addresses, social media account names, etc., block, block, block the new ones and DON'T respond. I blocked the number she used for this Hoover, although I think this was probably the Final Discard. It doesn't make any difference if it is or not. My response needs to be NC no matter what it was.
3. Never underestimate how dangerous, cunning, manipulative and evil N's are. This incident is so unlike her "false self" and still has me surprised that her "real self" is capable of such evil. The mere fact that I cancelled our meeting caused her to do this (I think). Really? I wonder what they are capable of if you do something really bad to them? She must have really needed some supply for a few days and man did I give it to her.
4. Keep working the steps, be prepared for the inevitable hoovers that WILL come before the Final Discard and don't cave in. I did and for two days, I felt like I shit!

Just writing/sharing this makes me feel better already!

God bless you all!