Do Narcissists miss their children?

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#1 Dec 30 - 12PM
alfrebob
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Do Narcissists miss their children?

When I met my Narc ex he had been married twice. First wife aborted baby and left him after 8 months. 2nd wife had three children from him now in late teens and early 20's. They have not seen him for 6 years...they hate him for the abuse he gave them.

During my time with him our whole relationship was dominated by him missing his kids.....it took over my life. However he never did the right thing to get them back. He did things to make them hate him even more. It was always emails to them stating 'for my part in what happened ' as if they had some blame too. I wanted him to take full responsibility. It caused major rows between us.

I have a two year old for him and he has said that he wants to see him but when given the opportunity he does not take it.

His new GF is a heavy drinker like him and they spend alot of time socialising like a young single couple with no responsibilities, doing what they like when they like.

Does he never miss his kids?

Nov 13 - 4AM
Bruisednotbroken
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I realize that this post is

Nov 12 - 12PM
Deidre99
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The only reason they were

Nov 12 - 4AM
chele007
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They only miss their kids if

Nov 12 - 4AM
onwithmylife
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alfrebob

Nov 11 - 6PM
IncognitoBurrito
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My parents

Nov 11 - 12PM
sweetpeasarah
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Sadly..

Dec 30 - 11PM
baddream
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His Daughter has NC with him

After my ex-N got involved with his borderline gf his daughter stopped talking to him. He attended the birth of is grandchild (so there could be pictures to send to everyone he knew of him holding his grandchild). After that, he never saw her again. He had an on/off relationship with her for almost as long as I knew him. I always thought it was wrong, and he always blamed her for something. He turned it all around and said the only reason she talked to him was to get money. I found that very interesting, as she was only 17 at the time, and too young to support herself. She is in her 20's now and he no longer has any contact with her or her child. It is very sad, and I know it makes him miserable. He won't call her because he knows it would make her happy. I know he waits to hear from her, but she has wised up and is NC with him. I don't think he misses her as normal people "miss" others, but rather what she could do for him. I always knew if he could d&d his own child like that, I didn't stand a chance.
Dec 30 - 8PM
4joys4
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Kids are Tools

To them, kids are just tools to use for getting what they want. They like to use them in a triangle. That was my ex's gift. He loved that trick and played it almost daily. I hear he still has a bad relationship with his kids. They dont want to know him. Once I ask the question.."Big screen TV, or a trip to your country to see your children?" What do you think the answer was?
Jan 4 - 7PM (Reply to #14)
micala
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NARCS AND THEIR KIDS QUESTION...

I READ HOW NARCS DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR KIDS HOWEVER THE ONE I WAS INVOLVED WITH WAS WONDERFUL WITH CHILD. IN FACT HE NEVER SAID NO OR PUT ANY TYPE OF BOUNDRIES ON HIS CHILD. HE JUST OVER INDULGES HIS CHILD AND OTHER KIDS AS WELL THIS BEHAVIOR DOES NOT SEEM LIKE THE STANDARD NARC MO. IS ALL THIS JUST AN ACT?? HE DOES HOWEVER HAVE MANY OF THE OTHER TRAITS OF BEING A NARC BUT HE SEEMS TO REALLY LOVE KIDS AND VISE VERSA. HE ALWAYS WANTS TO GIVE THEM GOOD MEMORIES TO LOOK BACK ON. HE HIMSELF WAS OVER INDULGED AS A CHILD AND HAD NO BOUNDRIES SO MAYBE THAT IS WHY HE DOES NOT SEEM TO TREAT HIS CHILD LIKE AN OBJECT. THANKS

micala

Dec 30 - 5PM
burton720
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Same Guy

My ex NB did the same thing. When I first met him, his ex-wife had taken his son and relocated out of state. That was about two years before I met him. Initially, he kept in touch with his son but that dropped off and by the time we broke up, he had not seen his son in six years. And although he paid child support, he never once requested any visitation. The ex-wife would return to the same area with their son but the ex NB never saw the son and never tried. I pressed him about that and was ALWAYS a red flag but never got an answer. I basically ignored it until it hit me in the face. This ALWAYS bothered me. I could not understand why he never made an effort to see his son but was so bothered in the beginning. And, he always made a fuss over father's day. I didn't do anything for him once for father's day because he wasn't involved in his son's life and he was so hurt and upset... go figure Now, I am pregnant with his child and he wants nothing to do with me or this child (I am thankful) although he told me that he could not live with another kid "dangling" out there. I guess he can as goes out every night drinking. I don't think they really do miss their kids or if they do the moment is so fleeting it doesn't last long enough for them to take any action... I have missed my dog more really. I cannot wrap my head around that one at all. It's indicative of a serious abnormality. On some sense, they must know that they have to put on some sort of display because I feel like they need to make a big show of how damaged they are and misunderstood...
Dec 30 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
alfrebob
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burton720

Thanks for your reply. You seem so strong to be pregnant and dealing with someone like this. Well done x My XN has been using his kids in relationships to keep the woman involved and feel sorry for him. Did it with me and now the GF. Also meant that everything in our lives was dominated by his 'sadness'....what a joke!! HIs GF of 15 months has been emailing me to say I am an unbalanced vicious human being to stop him seeing his child. Yet when I offer contact at a supervised centre he does not want it as too humiliating for him!!!! AAAh poor him!! I just cannot imagine never seeing my kids. Their minds really are twisted.
Dec 30 - 4PM
tasha
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kids???what kids???

My XNH and XNB both of them never really missed their kids. The XH sees the children he has in his posession as a weapon to hurt me(I f*cked up) giving them to him. And uses my love for them to manipulate me to do what he wants. The XNB well he left his on the other side of the world!! Do the miss their kids?Me thinks not.
Dec 30 - 2PM
Carolyn
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Narcissists are famous for

Narcissists are famous for being very jealous of their children and doing things to sabotage them and harm them physically and emotionaly they don't seem to have much paternal instinct and like to terrorize their children. Most of their children learn to stay away and distance from them. My father was a narcissist and he destroyed both of my brothers by lying about them. One brother was a lawyer and my father would repeat things that he allegedly said about judges to the judges. None of the tales were true. My second brother had a pro-football career and my father told his college coach that he had an enlarged heart but wasn't to be told. when the coach benched him it destroyed his future and he never knew why he was benched. My mother always felt my father did not want 'competition'. He didn't seem interested much in girls or younger children.I have read that this type of nastiness towards their children is common. My brothers were also very abusive fathers and only 2 out of their 8 children are leading normal lives. The rest have drug, alcohol, and relationship problems. they were all attractive and intelligent but they were destroyed emotionally.
Dec 31 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
BlueMoon
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jealous of children...interesting...

MY raging narc father used to compete with my sister and me...even by putting on male leotards and taking dance class with us...NOT JOKING. He used to compete with us in singing and acting lessons too...until I got sick of him and quit it all. He used to throw himself concerts years later and invite everyone he knew, and people used to dread it- he sang off key and would hire this horrible jazz band for backup.- he'd wear a tuxedo and pretend that he was a great crooner. OMFG- imagine the other things he did that I can barely speak about...walking around naked around the house, leaving out his porn, commenting on our bodies...commenting on his own genitalia...the list goes on... MY mom was so brainwashed and abused that today I don't blame her for not knowing what the hell to do about him.
Nov 10 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
what-to-do
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your dad

Dec 30 - 12PM
BlueMoon
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abandoned children...

I really think they see the kids as either useful or not. My ex-abuser has a child with his first wife who he hasn't contacted in 4 years, and a child from a one-night stand that he gave up for adoption to the woman's new husband. When I got involved with him, he told this tale of woe about how awful these women were...which may or may not be true...but a real parent would not be deterred from contact no matter what. I believe that your N sees the kids only through his "pain" and how it brings attention to him. They are objects. I read somewhere that a N does not have a child with a woman...he has it for a woman.
Dec 30 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
alfrebob
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I was that woman

I was going to say 'How can a woman be with a man who does not want his kids?' but just remembered that I was there too but did not realise it at the time...... I was completely brainwashed!!
Dec 30 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
BlueMoon
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YES! Brainwashing

I look at it now and I think "wtf was I doing???? Although when we first started dating, he was still in contact with his son everyday and also in contact with his daughter before she was adopted out. But when he abandoned them,about 1 year into the relationship, I was too far gone to question him about it, and even scared to.
Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
alfrebob
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BlueMoon

Thanks for your comments. How long did you stay in the relationship and what was it that made you realise what he really was? Hope you don't mind me asking x
Dec 30 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
BlueMoon
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Hi, I don't mind at all!!!

Hi, I don't mind at all!!! I was with him for almost 5 years, and after he left the kids without a thought, I tried to rationalize it, but I always knew that something wasn't cool. I didn't want to believe the truth, that they meant nothing.
Dec 30 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
Amazed
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N relationships and their children

My N was divorced, had 2 kids by his ex, and would CONSTANTLY put them off while he was with me,,,his "sexual liason" between another woman. He would constantly be late for his visitations. They would call incessantly, and say thats K. and G., they are wondering where I am,,I would say,,you are suppose to be there,,at what time? He would constantly be late while being with me. It would make me sick,,I sided with the kids (even though I barely know them!) I ALSO believe in CHILD SUPPORT and he denied them that! Go figure! Also, while we were at our work on one Saturday, he happened to bring his daughter in. He smacked her on the behind,,,totally confusing her in this office. She said,, "DAD,, you only do that when I'm in trouble,,what are you doing?" I have heard from others,,if you want to know how a man treats a woman, look at how he treats his children, and you will know. It will all become clear. What do you make of that!