Why you shouldn't seek revenge...

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Apr 24 - 4AM (Reply to #5)
Swan
Swan's picture

revenge

Revenge may be sweet but self respect and dignity are so much sweeter. To anyone itching for revenge: You are a better person than that. Keep your head held high and focus on healing yourself and evolving into a stronger healthier you.
Apr 24 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Why Not Have It All?

From my POV, I got it all. I got revenge, reclaimed my self-respect and dignity. I can now smile and laugh, walk away knowing I won because I beat him big time! I don't care about him anymore. I am at peace. The ass-wipe paid and I did not have to curl up with religious homilies to try to make myself feel better. I have become a much stronger person, without regrets. Everybody has their own way of coping, and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, at one point, a psychiatric social worker, and a psychiatrist I saw both agreed (to my surprise) that I am a much stronger and healthier person than most people. I'm scrapper, and I don't give up. I easily hold my head high, and my healing is almost complete - perhaps I'm even already there. I don't cry anymore over him. I don't go into deep dark depression. This was what was right for me and I judge no one else for making different choices. I think it's wonderful! Kudos to all those who have their own way of coping whatever it may be..more power to you! Whatever works for you to aid your healing is the right way. It's just not the same for everybody. I wish you all the very best that life has to offer!
Apr 26 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
FINALLYFREE2BME
FINALLYFREE2BME's picture

Hi, I completely get it! I

Hi, I completely get it! I think the best revenge is a combo of living well *and* outing them. As for living well: Now I have a wonderful fiance who's better looking and more talented than N(kind, good looking, supportive, college educated and a lead guitar player in a local classic rock band),and I have a wonderful life with tons of friends. As for "outing him": I turned his friends on him (they all come out to hear my fiance's band) His coffee group at Starbucks ousted him. My fiance's band is popular and well respected at the N's fav bar so I told all of the bartenders and regulars that he's a predator, plus the head of the local chapter of "Predator Patrol" who is also a Hells Angel. Heh.
Apr 24 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
agitating prop
agitating prop's picture

scrapper too

I'm a total warrior. I told the narc after a second minor spat, where he went no contact on me, that if he EVER walked again, with little justification, to just keep walking. The first time he went NC on me, I deflated like an old tire, too weak to move. I was numb and in shock. Seeing as I could reason his point of view for doing this, I absorbed it and seeing as it was just a few days, we took up where we left off. The second time almost killed me. I have a chronic illness, one of the features of which is major insomnia, which contributes to searing muscle pain. Again, after all but grovelling and pleading with him to get back to me, he did, after about 4 days. Again, I reasoned that it was an honest misunderstanding. In retrospect, I realize no decent person would do this to a chronically ill person, with almost zero provocation. As angry or hurt or diminished one feels, as a partner, they have to minimize damage to self and other party, by being above board, honest and open to discuss or even yell and scream about what's bothering them. The last time I heard from him was 4 1/2 months ago. I begged him to get back to me, not to kiss and makeup but to end it honourably. I have since communicated with him to express my deep confusion, not about why he did it, so much as the method. But never have I expressed to the ass clown that I wanted him back. The only way I would have wanted him delivered was at the end of an elastic cord attached to a whiffle bat where I could pound his ass for eternity. I am moving towards indifference and the ONLY reason I'm not seeking revenge is because it would undermine the indifference I richly deserve. Does he deserve revenge? Oh yeah....a boat load of it. But I can't touch, can't begin to outclass the universe in this area. The mother of coincidence, karma, synchronicity, is going to cook up such a rich brew of pay back for him, I honestly feel a certain amount of sympathy for him. He's in for a brutal lesson. We definitely all need to deal with deep betrayal and dismissal in our own way. I would never judge someone who got in a swift kick to narc's groin, as they shut the door on their narc forever. I'd applaud them, if they could do it without hurting themselves in the process. As far as maintaining dignity? Why? Who cares what a nasty human being thinks about his victim? As a matter of fact, if the universe or God doesn't appear to be doing it, and it makes the narc think twice about D and D'ing other women, it's not a bad idea. In this case, God helps those who help themselves. But, to qualify, it all depends on the type of narc and the type of woman involved. If revenge keeps the victim in an obsessive mind set about them, it ends up backfiring.
Apr 24 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

agitating prop

This is interesting, prop. When I'm not in such a down mood, I'll reply. I'm sorry you suffered so... :=(