Can he ever get better?

davskiss's picture
February 21, 2012 - 1:41am — davskiss

Hi Goldie,
Can he ever get better? He seems so convincing with his words. He talks for about 2 hours each night. He won’t let me sleep, think, eat or even take a bath or shower without invading my personal space and trying to convince me that he is a changed person. I told him that I'm leaving him and he seems like he is hurt, and desperate to get me to stay. He sure knows how to make me think he is getting better "through" GOD. Is this typical, he seems so normal??....my head is spinning.

Davia

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goldie's picture

Yes, Davia this is typical behavior when they know you are done

February 21, 2012 - 7:31pm — goldie

They will do and say most anything to CONVINCE you that they "seel the light" now, realize where they went wrong, and can now see that YOU are the best thing to ever happen to them.

They are back "temporarily" to the idealization stage and it feels REAL, just as it did in the beginning. They have ALL the right words and even the right ACTION for NOW.

Sad thing is, it's all an act. He is pretending to change, pretending to care, pretending that all will be different from now on. They do not like to lose and they do not like to be abandoned. They look at this as a game; a challenge.

What can I do and say to get back into her good graces and then once they are back in the door and back in the big bed.

The curtain goes down and the play is OVER. They go back to exactly who they are and were before they wormed their way back in. Sometimes it becomes even worse because NOW they are pissed that they had to go to all this trouble to WIN YOU BACK.

They like to be in control and when they are losing the control, UP GOES THE MASK and let the fun times begin.

IF he was going to CHANGE; he would have done it a LONG LONG time ago.

As REAL as it may feel; just remember how REAL it felt when you first met him and realize that this is ALL this is, just more drama, more lie's, mindgames, and manipulation.

Let it go, let it end, get him out. You are just about there, don't stop now, you have come to far, to give in at this point. Just keep remembering how bad it got, if you get tempted.

What you see is what you get. He is what and who he is. You deserve a better way of life.

God bless,
Goldie

davskiss's picture

Thanks so much..I have a question???

February 23, 2012 - 12:36pm — davskiss

I just can’t imagine someone working so hard just to PLAY an GAME and win. Why exert so much energy? I'm moving at the beginning of the month and I didn't tell him because I dont want him to "TURN UP" the juice. I really want to maintain NO CONTACT, however we have twins together (stupid me). I feel so bad I brought them in this world.
Nonetheless, I don't think he cares at all about them. He pretends to, but only if someone sees him being a "good daddy". How do I get out with kids? Now that I know what he is and what he has done to ruin my life, I feel nothing but hate which helps me maintain no contact. Emotionally, I'm like a robot around him; I only come alive when he is not around.
Something you said resonated with me,
+++++As REAL as it may feel; just remember how REAL it felt when you first met him and realize that this is ALL this is, just more drama, more lie's, mind games, and manipulation+++++
Wow...that really helps. I've been in this nightmare, for four years, but I feel like it has been ten.

Thanks for your encouraging words. I have to admit, he has done a phenomenal job at brainwashing me, to a point where I don't feel like I can make it on my own. I KNOW I can, I was just fine BEFORE I allowed him to come in and destroy my credit, drain my bank account, and mentally screw with me.
In your experience, do people like him take care of their kids? Or do they just slither away? I'm speaking generally...