“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.”
~ Gerard Way

There is no doubt getting over a narcissist is a painful experience. I am often asked when the grieving ends. Everyone is different. You can’t put a time frame on the healing process. What I do know is that the longer you avoid your pain, the longer it takes to recover. We must confront our pain and process it in order to heal and move on.

I recently interviewed Dr. Joseph Burgo on my Blog Talk Radio Show regarding his book “Why? Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives.”

I think Dr. Burgo’s book is helpful for anyone trying to get over a narcissist because it helps us understand why we respond to the emotional trauma and abuse we suffer in this type of relationship. By understanding why we respond the way we do and being accepting of the ways in which we cope, I believe we can learn to break free from the defense mechanisms that prevent us from moving forward and finding the joy in life that we ultimately deserve.

All month I've been trying to think about what kind of gift I could give you all for Valentine's Day and then it finally hit me, the gift of knowledge is something each one of us can pass on to one another. Knowledge is power!

With that in mind, I wrote this blog in hopes that anyone who reads it will pass it on to a friend or post it on their FB or Twitter feed.

In the spirit of sisterhood, please help us build awareness this Valentine's Day and "Tell a Sister" by sharing this or any of your favorite blogs or posts from our forum with others who would benefit from such knowledge.

What is a narcissist....and are you dating one?

According to Wikipedia:

“In the wake of the Manti Te'o girlfriend scandal, the term "Catfish" has entered common parlance to describe a person who engages someone in a fake relationship online, and the act of perpetrating such a hoax is now known as catfishing.

Catfish is a 2010 American documentary film, directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, involving a young man being filmed by his brother and friend as he builds a romantic relationship with a young woman on the social networking website Facebook.

Lance Armstrong....Is He or Isn’t He a Narcissist? That seems to be the million dollar question right now in light of his recent admission on Oprah that he did in fact dope for years, yet threatened and sued anyone who tried to challenge his assertions that he was clean.

The vengeance with which he went after those who challenged him is incomprehensible to me and is what has me exploring his personality right now. I mean, it’s one thing to lie and cheat, but then to go so far as ruin the lives of people who were simply telling the truth is beyond callous to me.

To help us understand his behavior, I will be interviewing Joseph Burgo, PhD. who recently wrote an excellent article in the Atlantic on Lance’s narcissism.

When I first met my ex-husband in 1995, he joked about being a narcissist. I thought nothing of it at the time because the term was not widely used. In fact, I knew so little of the word “narcissist” I thought it just made him that much more eccentric and artsy...lol.

"If you carry the same baggage you had this year into the New Year, your ability to move forward will be weighed down. Drop your bags at the doorstop of the old year, so you can make a change in the new."
~ Eugene Nathaniel Butler

We often upset ourselves as a result of how we choose to RESPOND to life. Most disturbance comes from the belief that we should be able to control others in an attempt to control ourselves. Unfortunately, what we fail to realize is the only person we can control is ourselves.
This new year, instead of focusing on what you cannot change or control, I encourage you to focus your efforts on that which you can control. It is not WHAT HAPPENS to us, but HOW WE RESPOND to it that determines our happiness and success in life.

"'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight."
~ Joseph Brackett

As I help my mom prepare Christmas Eve dinner, I look to my right and see this verse of a “Shaker Song” framed as my mom often likes to do with her favorite quotes. "Simple Gifts" is a perfect reminder for the season of what is important and what we should cherish.

While many here are in pain at the moment, I want you to know that although the path may be hard at times, you are exactly where you need to be right now. You have seen the light and you are making progress to gain the love and respect in a relationship that you DESERVE.

Today we celebrate and give thanks for all we are grateful for here in the states. I want to take this opportunity to thank each of you for being a pillar of strength for one another here on The Path Forward.

The way in which you support one another here is so inspiring. In a modern world full of chaos and conflict, you each restore my faith in the true goodness and humanity of all women and mankind. ;)

Please take today to be grateful for the abundance in your life. Although many here are going through an extremely painful time in life, it is important to always remember our blessings.

I’m following up on the note below, which our fearless Lead Moderator, Goldie, wrote to all of you yesterday because it really reminded me of why we must always PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE when recovering.

"The site has been down for several days due to the devastation which took place in NYC and the surrounding area's due to Hurricane Sandy.Our web designer has been working around the clock to assure that nothing was lost and our site remains safe and secure.Our hearts go out to all who have been affected by this force of nature and we keep them all in our prayers as they recover from tremendous loss and begin the process of rebuilding their lives and homes.

Puts it all into perspective when something like this happens.