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The Mod Squad Blog

Who Really Benefits From Doubt?

Journey's picture
Submitted by Journey on Sep 13 - 11PM

We spend a lot of time in our relationships with a PDI giving them the benefit of the doubt. During the idealization stage we don't even consider doubting that they aren't really enjoying their time with us because during the laughter, the passion, the deep talks and sharing of ideas, smiles light up both our faces.

When they want to spend all their free time with us, we don’t doubt it could be anything but the real thing - a true connection, so perfect in its mirrored beauty.

The scar...

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Aug 24 - 11AM

There is a scar on my back in the shape of a butterfly. I never look at it. But if it’s summertime, and depending on what I’m wearing, when I sit down I know others can see the tips of its wings—poised but never taking flight. Stuck. Frozen in time from the moment it was created.

I dread when somebody asks about it. I’ve yet to come up with a truthful explanation. The truth is horrible, ridiculous really...and I don’t want to admit it to anyone. So I gloss it over.

They say butterflies are free, but this one is my captive, my prisoner, a self-inflicted wound that reminds me of my own captivity. A silent testament to my naivete, my weakness, my blindness, my blinding mistake.

The vampire and the clock...

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Jul 11 - 1PM

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
--Carl Sandburg

The clock ticks so slowly it’s as if someone poured molasses over it. Time is the dark enemy and it refuses to loosen its grip on your heart. The maddening sound of the silent minutes as they creep by into another day and then dusk and then night make you wonder if you’ll simply go insane.

It’s been a three weeks now. Three weeks that feel like a year. A year of hell in three week’s time that you’ve spent...well, how? Twisted into knots with just one question on your mind: “Will I hear from him again?”

Exiting the cage...

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Mar 29 - 12PM

I hear a story about a behavioral experiment that was conducted in a lab:

There is a dog in a cage. Scientists rig one side of the cage so that every time the dog goes to that side of the cage she will get an electrical shock.

Soon enough, the dog learns to stay on the other side of the cage.

Within a few weeks, the scientists re-wire the cage so that she’ll get shocked on the side she was conditioned to stay on pain-free. As predicted, the dog learns to lay down on the opposite, formerly electrified side of the cage.

TO "M" AKA The Dog Whisperer

Hunter's picture
Submitted by Hunter on Feb 16 - 3PM

Good Bye Dog Whisperer.. "M"

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful Friend:
you have screwed up my life..
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is, until I met your Mother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Acceptance helps stop the spin...

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Feb 3 - 2PM

“They told me that life could be just what I made it—
Life could be fashioned and worn like a gown;
I, the designer; mine the decision
Whehter to wear it with bonnet or crown...
—Nan Terrel Reed, 1935

When I finally get the guts up to start posting, it springs from a need that is greater than my fear. I’m desperate, searching, drowning, spinning...and I need all the help I can get if I am to survive. Literally. As a sole supporter of myself I must not let the Zombie-me take over. Zombie-me is fighting hard for control, and ‘spinning’ is whirring around on a downward spiral, not a fair match at all.

The search for success...

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Dec 20 - 4PM

“First start with doing what is necessary. Then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”
--St. Francis of Assisi

You’re in such pain right now that you feel like you’ve just gone through surgery without anesthesia. Someone has removed your vital organs and you are gutted. Weak. You feel like a ghost wandering in the fog. Every step feels like sandpaper scraping against your raw skin.

Who Should I Blame???

Hunter's picture
Submitted by Hunter on Dec 19 - 12PM

Just recently I had a leaky pipe.. Drip,drip drip.. Ignore ..ignore ignore..

My friends all gave the name of a affordable plumber..drip,drip... That bucket will take care of it..I'm to busy.. Work, family, activites, .. Drip drip..

My friends " you still havnt called that plumber". Fine so I cheap out and call handy man Charlie..

Charlie " sure Mrs. I can fix it . It will be $100.00" Great.. It's fixed and at half the price..

Ugh.. Drip, drip drip.. So I call Charlie back .. Charlie now gives me the silent treatment...he got his money..

In the interim ... The leak is now worse than before.. Good thing for the bucket..drip ..drip..

Out of options...the struggle with No Contact

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Nov 18 - 3PM

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You are in a fog that is so thick it feels like slogging through peanut butter. Every single step is sticky, like quicksand, like tar...all smeary and dark. You do not know what to do, what to feel, how you will ever find your way out. Again.

Straight to the Top

Hunter's picture
Submitted by Hunter on Nov 7 - 1PM

Yesterday I climebd a 103 flights of stairs to the top of the Willis Tower ( formerly Known as The Sears Tower)

Yes my Friends 103 miserable flights of stairs..

It was quite an accomplishment for an this Old Chick.. That in itself was a Journey.. I felt Narced all over again..

As I say ...you must start at the begining to get to the end.. The first 15 to 20 flights were the toughest .. Oh my, Im never going to make it.. this is impossible.. around the 43rd floor I sent Happy1 a text.. (I took a picutre of floor number ) "FUCK" .. She is my biggest cheer leader.. "You can do it, keep going" .. UGH.. What did I get myself into?? Pain, sweating, heart racing.. OMG!

And so it begins...Spinning's 12 month ascent from hell

spinning's picture
Submitted by spinning on Nov 7 - 10AM

“That which is to give light
Must endure burning.”
---Viktor Frankel

One day you wake up and you’re a skeleton.
You want to paste back on the substance that was you but you can’t find it in the ashes.
You reach in and pull out dust.
This is when you begin to understand that this is somehow the truth you were meant to find as a little girl who just wanted to be loved. This experience, this dance with the devil that scaled you down to the bones happened because it needed to. All of the things that brought you to the dance floor in the first place must be examined, turned over, and illuminated. You so want to find the light. You’ve been lost in the dark for so long...

This is when the little voice whispers, wimpers, mumbles, rumbles.
This is when you rise...