The Mod Squad Blog

spinning's picture

Exiting the cage...

March 29, 2012 - 12:09pm — spinning

I hear a story about a behavioral experiment that was conducted in a lab:

There is a dog in a cage. Scientists rig one side of the cage so that every time the dog goes to that side of the cage she will get an electrical shock.

Soon enough, the dog learns to stay on the other side of the cage.

Within a few weeks, the scientists re-wire the cage so that she’ll get shocked on the side she was conditioned to stay on pain-free. As predicted, the dog learns to lay down on the opposite, formerly electrified side of the cage.

Hunter's picture

TO "M" AKA The Dog Whisperer

February 16, 2012 - 4:49pm — Hunter

Good Bye Dog Whisperer.. "M"

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful Friend:
you have screwed up my life..
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is, until I met your Mother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

spinning's picture

Acceptance helps stop the spin...

February 3, 2012 - 3:39pm — spinning

“They told me that life could be just what I made it—
Life could be fashioned and worn like a gown;
I, the designer; mine the decision
Whehter to wear it with bonnet or crown...
—Nan Terrel Reed, 1935

When I finally get the guts up to start posting, it springs from a need that is greater than my fear. I’m desperate, searching, drowning, spinning...and I need all the help I can get if I am to survive. Literally. As a sole supporter of myself I must not let the Zombie-me take over. Zombie-me is fighting hard for control, and ‘spinning’ is whirring around on a downward spiral, not a fair match at all.

spinning's picture

The search for success...

December 20, 2011 - 5:02pm — spinning

“First start with doing what is necessary. Then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”
--St. Francis of Assisi

You’re in such pain right now that you feel like you’ve just gone through surgery without anesthesia. Someone has removed your vital organs and you are gutted. Weak. You feel like a ghost wandering in the fog. Every step feels like sandpaper scraping against your raw skin.

Hunter's picture

Who Should I Blame???

December 19, 2011 - 1:57pm — Hunter

Just recently I had a leaky pipe.. Drip,drip drip.. Ignore ..ignore ignore..

My friends all gave the name of a affordable plumber..drip,drip... That bucket will take care of it..I'm to busy.. Work, family, activites, .. Drip drip..

My friends " you still havnt called that plumber". Fine so I cheap out and call handy man Charlie..

Charlie " sure Mrs. I can fix it . It will be $100.00" Great.. It's fixed and at half the price..

Ugh.. Drip, drip drip.. So I call Charlie back .. Charlie now gives me the silent treatment...he got his money..

In the interim ... The leak is now worse than before.. Good thing for the bucket..drip ..drip..

spinning's picture

Out of options...the struggle with No Contact

November 18, 2011 - 4:23pm — spinning

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You are in a fog that is so thick it feels like slogging through peanut butter. Every single step is sticky, like quicksand, like tar...all smeary and dark. You do not know what to do, what to feel, how you will ever find your way out. Again.

Hunter's picture

Straight to the Top

November 7, 2011 - 2:04pm — Hunter

Yesterday I climebd a 103 flights of stairs to the top of the Willis Tower ( formerly Known as The Sears Tower)

Yes my Friends 103 miserable flights of stairs..

It was quite an accomplishment for an this Old Chick.. That in itself was a Journey.. I felt Narced all over again..

As I say ...you must start at the begining to get to the end.. The first 15 to 20 flights were the toughest .. Oh my, Im never going to make it.. this is impossible.. around the 43rd floor I sent Happy1 a text.. (I took a picutre of floor number ) "FUCK" .. She is my biggest cheer leader.. "You can do it, keep going" .. UGH.. What did I get myself into?? Pain, sweating, heart racing.. OMG!

spinning's picture

And so it begins...Spinning's 12 month ascent from hell

November 7, 2011 - 11:19am — spinning

“That which is to give light
Must endure burning.”
---Viktor Frankel

One day you wake up and you’re a skeleton.
You want to paste back on the substance that was you but you can’t find it in the ashes.
You reach in and pull out dust.
This is when you begin to understand that this is somehow the truth you were meant to find as a little girl who just wanted to be loved. This experience, this dance with the devil that scaled you down to the bones happened because it needed to. All of the things that brought you to the dance floor in the first place must be examined, turned over, and illuminated. You so want to find the light. You’ve been lost in the dark for so long...

This is when the little voice whispers, wimpers, mumbles, rumbles.
This is when you rise...

Hunter's picture

The OW Compliments of Sparrow

October 31, 2011 - 11:33am — Hunter

I wish i could take credit for this but Sparrow gets a Gold Star for this..

It comes up often so Now we dont need to search for it..

Thank You Sparrow !!

The OW
I felt a need to post this today............with all of the past, present posts regarding the topic of the OW.

Most seem to have an obsession with this woman. This onbession is getting in the way of your healing more so then the issue at hand. I just want to put this out there for you to read, think about, and if you have to, read again and again and again..........

Hunter's picture

Contact = Pain

October 21, 2011 - 9:03am — Hunter

I love a beautiful hot summer day.. It's mid August, sun is blazing the waves crashing on Lake Michigan! What day..if this day could be bottled up and saved..

I'm looking hot in my bikini, reading Lisa's book ,drinking a nice glass of lemonade ... Ahhhh Paradise!!

Buzz,Buzz,Buzz..... What's that?? Ugh ..a pesky yellow jacket... Fine, they have a place on the planet too.. I'm going to ignore that darn bug, maybe it will fly away.. I think he wants some of my lemonade ..

Ok ..so .. where was I ... Ok .. the chapter about No Contact...

Buzz,Buzzz.... Ugh, darn Bee.. Ignore,ignore,ignore..... Buzz,Buzzz.. Lisa's book is now a weapon..Swat, Swat..I missed...