They certainly don't wither in pain like we do.
They feel fear, they may not find someone else to put up with their sorry ass and they contact us initially due to fear of abandonment. Once the dust settles and they regroup, because they feel nothing for us aside from their own contempt and fear of being alone, they begin to contemplate their next move.
One thing, a PD is NOT, is HAPPY. He can "seem" happy because he doesn't hurt or feel like we do. He has a built in shut off valve to keep him from experiencing typical highs and lows. They are a flatline with bouts of fear and rage surfacing from time to time.
They do NOT experience joy. He is busting your chops parading the OW around in front of you. When someone "acts" so happy in front of an XGF of 2.5 years you just know that it is an "act."
Seriously, how "in love" can he be if he was spending the weekend with you while supposedly being happy with her. He is not.
Easter is one of my favorite holidays. It is a renewal time; a rebirth. A time to RISE AGAIN.
We all have an opportunity here to move forward on the PATH FORWARD and although it is a long winding road at times. Together we can do what we cannot do alone.
When I came here almost 2 years ago. I was defeated, depressed, and actually questioning myself as to how I was going to make it out of this mess I was in and if I even had the strength to do it this time.
This is in answer to a members comment regarding shock at a Psychologist posting his profile on a dating site.
Dating sites have members of most any profession.
They are not limited to any particular profession. Psychologist's may be just as disturbed as anyone else. Profession has NOTHING to do with someone's mental or emotional state. PD's are evident in all professions. The ministry, medical, education, ect.... As a matter of fact we have many on here who have been involved with such men in such professions.
After we begin to Understand it; Step 1, we learn what a Narcissist is and how their disorder has affected us over these months or years and we realize that: THEIR behaviors and actions were not our fault and we did nothing to cause this. We learn that they were damaged LONG before we came along and will continue to be damaged LONG after we are gone.
This brings us to STEP 2, GET IT OUT
Once the fog begins to lift and we realize what was done to us and what we allowed to be done to us, due to severe "brainwashing: these repressed feelings need to come out. Writing is a great outlet for the sadness, anger, unrealized dreams, cognitive dissonance, severe loss, and pain.
"The truth will set us all free, it is the lie's we still tell ourselves and our own denial system which keeps us in bondage." May 2012 become the year when we become honest with ourselves and look inwards and upwards (Spiritual) for your answers. People will come and go and let us down on many levels. Let your own truth and instincts be your guide. Living by someone's else's rules is always a formular for disaster anyway. Healthy bounderies, self love, and empowerment are what keeps us strong, safe, and secure. Trust the process, it works if you work it!!!
There is much talk and concern on here regarding the hoover.
What is a hoover?
Sometimes it is simply an attempt for the PD to SCREW with you. They are bored or angry with you, someone else has just pissed them off so why not take it out on you.
So you have made it through your Recovery and you want to begin to get your feet wet again.
This is in response to a member's question regarding their frustration with beginning to date again. This answer pertains to this particular member, yet others may also find some of this helpful.
Whether you feel ready not, the biggest thing I hope we all have learned from this experience is SELF PROTECTION and to TRUST OUR INSTINCTS and watch for those RED FLAGS.
NO venue is completely safe or "foolproof." The Internet is a preditors playground. They can pretend to be whoever they want to be. Many have met their narcs online.
A Time of Self Forgiveness and Setting NEW Bounderies for the NEW YEAR, 2012!
We do not have to do anything we don't feel comfortable with in order to try to KEEP or SECURE a man or woman. Once you cross over that line, you don't really have them anyway; they have you."
The New Year is fast approaching and is a great time to let go of unhealthy behaviors.
The New Year Resolution; 2012.
GUEST BLOG FROM A MEMBER, ~Anonymous~
How sick do you have to be to lie to somebody in order to win their heart, their everything, and then get off on letting them fall as hard as they can. To not be kidding, but seriously be this person. not a joke. To watch their confusion, fuel it, and then ignore their pleas for clarity. To rage at their attempts at clarity. To try everything to get them back, while pretty much with someone else, just to play her off the other one. And then when she tries to put two and two together, is confused and desperately tries to confront it, to tell her she's losing her grip...and after a while, to neither rage nor directly imply that she's crazy, but to tell her she needs help. And advise her that she should find a nice guy and move on.
Thanks for sharing this ZZcem. Excellent read.
http://www.toddlertime.com/sam/6.htm
The truth will set us free and the truth for us lie's within us; not them. Once you stop looking towards them for the answer and go within for the solution's, recovery and healing begin to flow more rapidly. This is an inside job.
I have heard it said on here many many times that SEX with the PD was the best SEX ever. I have often asked myself, what does this mean? The most erotic, the most rageful, the most varied positions, the most frequency, the most intensity, what? What is so GREAT about it.
SEX with a PD is NOT LOVE, that is for sure. They do not love, they take hostages, victims, they aim for control. How can this be so great?
They often lie, cheat, steal, degrade, belittle, insult, use, control, manipulate. So what is so great about being in bed with someone who treats you like garbage?
Do we think so little of ourselves and has our society so lowered the bar on what intimacy, love, and caring are that we mistake erotic using as LOVE?
