I consider myself your typical midwestern American girl. I grew up in a suburb of Chicago and always knew that I wanted to live in the big city someday. As a child, I played piano competitively and dreamed of being a concert pianist in downtown Chicago. When I was a junior in highschool, my piano teacher moved away and I shut down creatively. It wasn't until my early thirties that I began to get in touch with my creative side again.
While in my twenties and married to a narcissist, I spent much of my time in denial refusing to look at the reality of my situation. It took time for me to "Get Real, Wake Up & Heal" as I like to say, but when I finally did it opened up a whole new world for me. A whole new world I want to share with all of you. It is for this reason, I have written my books and started this on-line forum of community and support.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like riding a roller-coaster you can't get off. It is exciting and exhilarating at one moment and confusing and demoralizing the next. I don't believe anyone can understand what it is like to love a narcissist unless they have experienced it themselves, which is why I encourage all of you to contribute your thoughts to our messageboard. We can relate to one another and support one another on a level no one else can.
Knowledge is power and when you finally understand the narcissist, only then are you able to break free. Through knowledge, we come to understand that a narcissist will never change and begin to accept that the only person we can change in life is ourselves. We must let go of that which we cannot change and begin to focus on that which we can change - ourselves!
The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again and start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share it with ourselves. We are overly giving of ourselves to a fault. The narcissist knows this, which is why he/she chose us. Narcissists have an insatiable need to have someone cater to their needs at all times.
In order to recover, it is important that we understand we are "Empaths" or what is also known as a "Highly Sensitive Person." We are NOT "Codependents" nor are we needy! During an interview for a class project in college, my childhood friend was asked to describe me in one word. Without hesitating, she said "SENSITIVE."
While we may be targeted for being overly giving and compassionate, we must remember, it is a gift. We have an overwhelming sense of conscientiousness and an undeniable urge to help others. The narcissist knows this and preys on us for this reason.
We must accept that we have completely lost ourselves in the narcissist. We did not realize it while it was happening, but trust me, the narcissist planned on this all along. When we lose ourseves, we are more dependent on the narcissist for validation and that's exactly what he/she counted on. We must deprogram from the narcissist, which is why No Contact is so important.
My books and my forum are intended to help you wake up, get real and heal with the support of real people who understand exactly what you're going through. I know how hard it is to face the truth about a relationship we once thought was everything we ever wanted and more. It's not easy to accept our soul mate is not at all who we thought in any way, shape or form.
However, the only way to true healing is to break free from the emotional abuse of the narcissist, process your pain and find yourself again. You can do this. We can do this. Together, we can help each other find the Path Forward.
A big part of The Six Steps includes tapping into your creativity. I have found that when we are in touch with our spiritual self, we are free to do unlimited things. We see things in a different light, we tap into a creativity within ourselves we never knew existed and we draw upon a higher potential. This potential has always been within us, but it is our responsibility to find it and harness it. I encourage you to explore your creative outlet and share it with others on our site.
I hope to connect with you in a way that helps you tap into your true potential. You owe it to yourself and you deserve it!